Do other single mom's find that their families dont' respect them as a family unit, or as a parent?

Question

I have never been married and my kids dad took off. All by ourselves, no child support. I dont' feel 'viewed' by my family as a true family unit. I also feel that they think that they are my kids family and have rights to behave how they want to me and my kids and I am obligated to them... I am the mother this is MY son. MY daughter. I call the shots. I know what is best for them.. Any other single moms' find that their family thinks that you NEED them and are incapable. The women think they can smother you with advise and guilt. The men think they are doing your kids a favor by 'toughing your kids up'? I finally moved away from my family and told them to smarten up.. and am now alone. No man. No family around... But at least I feel confident for once that WE are a family. They are MY kids... not part of that dysfunctional unit. Other single mom's feel less resepected as a family?

Answer 1

there are tendencies. but YOU are the one who needs to be forceful and demonstrating. if they interfere in ANYTHING just say, NO, thanks but that's not how i'm going to do it. just because i'm a single mom doesnt mean i'm less of a parent. just means i'm MORE of a parent. my family loves me and that's the one thing they actually admire about me. don't worry about being alone. this will HELP YOU continue building a family unit with your son and daughter and this will HELP your family see that. good luck!!
single mom of four!

Answer 2

YES!!!! Someone else understands! My situation is a bit different. My children and I moved in with my parents when my ex and I split up... 12 years later, I have my degree, I'm working full time, making good money ... and could move out, but our multi-generational household has turned out to be best for my kids, who have "the G's" at home every day after school... and sitting in the stands at soccer games and football games, dance recitals, and Christmas pageants. I had three kids... our household has three parents.

Do we struggle a bit with who's the parent? Oh yeah... You've never lived until you've been balled out by your dad... in front of your kids!! *LOL* I find if I can manage to laugh it off a bit, I realize they buttinsky because they care... and they don't really understand what it means to be a single mom, so they try to fill the gaps they percieve in your life.. because they love you and want the best for you and your kids. They just don't know how it looks from this perspective.

My brothers are the worst. They seem to think I'm immature and incapable, and find every opportunity to question my parenting methods and choices. Of course, one of them has never had children, so has no clue about parenting. They have no respect for the fact that I'm raising these kids without their father around, and I'm doing a great job of it. My son is a United States Marine, my older daughter is headed for medical school, and my youngest is entering high school next year... all good students and active in school/sports events.

I think part of the problem is, we need to see ourselves as the adults we are... When we begin establishing appropriate boundaries around our family unit, and enforcing those boundaries, our families will respond. When we show up at the table ready to take offense and move out of state to get away from them, we only confirm the immaturity they accuse us of. When we show up at the table as an equal adult, who is calmly but firmly in charge of our own life, then they will respect that. It may take some reminding, but you're the parent... it's okay to put your foot down. (Just don't stomp your foot... that always looks childish!)