very confused about this life dream....?

Question

I'm being torn between two seperate worlds....I love my boyfriend and family very much, but for as long as I can remeber I want to travel the world helping others, building homes and schools for the less fortunate, train with yogi masters and teach yoga in the rainforest, meditate umong the monks in the Tibetian temples, live on the beach, run in the tropical winds...hike in Costa Rica, alone meeting those along the way. I am 22 years old and have very high and maybe not very realist dreams, my boyfriend is 37 and has a business and is very into materials things, loves his home and car etc. he isn't as free as me that way. I would hate to leave him behind, and my family behind. Do you think I should leave for a year then return, the only thing I'm affraid of is leaving and not wanting to return, or leaving and realizing this isn't what I wanted at all...I'm confused, and feeling torn between two different lives

Answer 1

Beloved, how long does a wild thing live when it is caged? You are only 22. You may want to settle down later, but you clearly aren't ready to, and if you go for the whole normal suburbs bit, you will feel caged, and deprived of a real life. Your parents want good things for you, and want you to marry an older, more established man so they don't have to worry about your future security, they are motivated by love, but you won't be happy if you do this today. And 15 years is a *huge* age difference when you are only 22, it would be alot different if he were 60 and you 45. You should join the peace corps for a year, or a missionary program, or something of that sort, and go from there. If, and I do say *If* your boyfriend is the right one for you, he can hang in there for a year while you decide what you want. As near as I can tell, you have nothing of substance in common with this guy though. It's not important to have interests in common, but it sure is important to share a world view, and yours is radically different from his. Even if all the stuff you are talking about is just a romantic fantasy on your part, you won't find out until you try. Joining the Peace Corps for a year will give you an opportunity to get a taste of that sort of life, without you just wandering out into the wilderness, and leaving your parents to worry if you will be ok, you would be working within a structured program, where you can be relatively safe, and have more experienced people around you. Then you will be able to find out if it is real, or just a romantic fantasy on your part, in a safe environment. But whatever you do, don't tie yourself down yet, until you know what you want, and know that you are ready to commit your self. Good luck...

Answer 2

Absolutely you should take off and wander, doing some of those fun things. In fact you must plan to build that into your life -- it's not just about trying to fit it all into a year. (And why just a year? That's kinda arbitrary.)

Your family and presumably your guy won't love you less while you're away. You won't be leaving them behind.

After you've been away awhile, phone your boyfriend and get him to meet you for a vacation. He can visit you, then go back home and let you continue your travels (assuming at that point you'd want to). A relationship is about give and take, and he has to do his part.

Finally, when you're away, the day will come when you'll want to be back with him and your family. So you'll go home then, even for just a few months or a year to build up more travel money.

It's not about two different lives; it's about fitting one into the other.

Answer 3

I think one primary issue you may be struggling with is that of independence. You have vibrant, adventurous dreams. You are very aware of the need to be of service and attend to those who are less fortunate. Those are gifts that you have and you are wise to think about how you might best use them.

There is a huge difference between 37 and 22... I know, I was in a relationship with a large gap at 22. What begins to happen, as you know, is that you grow into a more solid identity in your early twenties. Wanting to stretch your wings is healthy. You are discovering differences between your values and those of your boyfriend. You can love him and still know that he is not the "one" for you. You can tell him compassionately and leave, if you choose. You can take some time apart. I can imagine that you are cautious about taking such a risk, and so it really depends on how strong your feelings are.

Maybe you need to go on an immersion study program or away for awhile to stretch out and explore. That is natural--especially at 22. I wish I had had more space to breathe at 22--I felt such a need for relationship and put off developing my voice and career. I think putting others first is a big challenge for women especially but we need to pay attention to our dreams, too. But you do need to examine how a separation will effect your commitment. Family is one thing (they will still be there when you return), but your relationship is another. Would he be supportive of you going on a trip for a summer, for example? There may be a middle-ground.

If not, be compassionate and graceful. Tell him that you love him and yet you need to follow your heart.

Another thing to consider: these may be "escape" fantasies. If there is some way in which you are really uncomfortable "where" you are, sometimes it is comforting just to want to be someplace else, doing something else. The reality is another thing entirely. Just something to ask yourself.

I think it is pretty clear that you need to attend more to you--and listen more to your own needs. Good luck.

Answer 4

The more time you spend debating it, the more time you waste. Do what your heart wants you to do. If your boyfriend is that devoted, he'll understand. A comfortable alternative would be to travel every once in awhile, visiting these places for different intervals of time, and see what you think. If it's something you know you'll want to do for awhile, then you can make that decision based on experience, not just a whim.

Answer 5

Experience is the best teacher in this case. How will you ever know if you would have been happier travelling. Don't give that up. If your boyfriend really loves you, he'll let you go, and if you choose to stay there, then the two of you would have to work that out. That's what adults do.....

Answer 6

while i became approximately 6 or 7 I had this dream that I threw up. I awakened interior the morning and instructed my mom on the subject of the dream and she or he pronounced that I had extremely woken up and gotten sick then experience back to sleep an hour later.

Answer 7

Follow you own heart. You will live with the results so the choice you make must be your own. What you choose defines you.

Answer 8

I think most women in this position would marry the materialistic guy, suck every dime out of him, and then leave on the world tour with his money. Why don't you try that and see how it works out for you.

Answer 9

show of hands, who does NOT see how this is going to work out?

Answer 10

You are going to have to figure that out yourself. But if you don't try it you are always going to wonder.