Am I a mean person/cruel person?

Question

I've been told that I use people,been called an ingrate,have a demon in me,etc...I know that I have relationship problems with my mother..which are getting worse..but I can't figure out why..my mom's very sensitive and I'm the complete opposite..for the last 2-3 weeks I've been very nice to her..we havent fought or anything..I've been nice partly because I wanted her to let me dye my hair and I'm trying to change some of my ugly ways..well now according to her the "real me" came back because of some things I did and said to her yesterday..I've apologized and everything..but that really doesnt mean anything to her..I know alot of thing are my fault because I have problems that I keep to myself and when I confront her about them she kind of attacks me..so I leave alot of things to myself..so it seems like I dont even know myself anymore on top of relationship problems with the parents..anyways do you think these problems are cause by me and how can I overcome them?

I'm 16 yrs.old..and in reference to some answers..yes I know I'm a selfish person..most people around her are..but you really don't have to be rude about it..

Answer 1

I don't think you're a mean or cruel person because you are actually wondering how to fix your relationship problems with your mum and it sounds like you've been trying to make an effort. So keep it up. But how old are you? If you're still a child or teenager and your mum has called you an ingrate, says you have a demon in you, well it sounds like it could be emotional abuse.

I recommend counseling. Talking these things out with a professional could really help, especially if you're trying to fix your relationship with your mum and she's not acknowledging this.

Answer 2

Whether we like or not we are ALL judged on our past behavior. So, even tho you say you have been being nice for a few weeks(even tho in your next breath you said you you only did it mostly to get something you wanted!) She is probably still reacting to the way you usually are. Nice behavior for a few weeks does not wipe the slate clean but its a start. If you think you are being cruel or mean then you probably are. I know this sounds simple but put yourself in your mom's shoes. Ask yourself how you would react if your positions were reversed. It is hard to say who is at fault between you and your mom, it is probably a little bit of both of you but you are the one who can change things around by changing your behavior. You say she has called you an ingrate. Do you adequately appreciate everything she does for you or do you think it is your due? Maybe some extra kindness and appreciation would make her feel more loved. Good luck and God bless!

Answer 3

Sometimes people just rub us the wrong way. My parents and I were like oil and water. Even on our best days I would start ****. I think the fact that you know you are mean sometimes is good. People won't walk all over you but remember to respect your mom. I can say that now that I am a mom, it hurts when your kid is mean to you, really bad. Take a step back and put yourself in her shoes for a minute. Just keep trying to get along, it makes things easier.
As far as your hair goes, when she's out, just do it. What's the worst thing that can happen? Unless you only want to dye it because she doesn't want you too.
Good luck and remember, you are luck to have a mom, I don't anymore.

Answer 4

These problems are caused by you. Some people have anger problems and I am not saying you do I just wan't to make sure you are aware of them. Your feelings are triggered easily, and thats a characteristic that is a part of you. Let your mom know that this is a problem you have and blame the whole thing on yourself. This way your mom won't feel bad and will just realize that this is just a problem you have. Tell her that you apologize if this causes her any inconvienince but you get angry when someone does certain things to you and thats how you react. Dont worry people are a lot worse than you and you aren't mean,

Answer 5

No, I don't think you are a cruel person because this type of people usually don't know they are doing something wrong to anyone else.

The 'real you' isn't the real you of course, but it is totally wrong to have two faces just to get what you want. That will make you use this strategy your whole life and you won't be able to carry on honest/decent future life.

Your mom sort of guessed out there is something not usual about you that she told you the 'real you'. Yes, you have lots of things inside that you are hiding from your family just to avoid confrontations/arguments/discussions...etc But it is just plain wrong.

If you can't tell your parents about what's going on with you or your problem...then I think maybe you should keep a diary where everything in your mind goes into it. Or try writing a letter to your mom telling her that you love her, and why you can't be your actual normal self with her. tell her what's making you act like yourself now .....etc.

Maybe from this letter your mom changes her way with you and things get better between you two.

I hope things will be resolved between you and your family.

Answer 6

I think you need to make things more about having her forgive all of the things you've done, rather than think about what you want out of her forgiving you. It'll make it'll change everything if you're thinking about other things than yourself for a start. And if she's sensitive, try to act a little more sensitive around her. You don't have to go around everywhere and act sensitive, just around her, and she may feel a good vibe. And I understand where you're coming from on the whole "keeping to yourself" think because I've been there too. Just go with your gut, and don't say things you know will hurt her. That should be a given.

Answer 7

I wish I new how old you are. Only you know what is bothering you. Take some time to sit down and think about it. Write down the things that bother you. Be honest. Find some one who you trust to talk to about these feelings that you have. I must tell you that "You are what you eat" What is your diet like? Do you eat a lot of sugar and junk food? Our bodies need nutrition like a car needs gas. If we feed our bodies empty calories we just don't function mentally or physically at our best. So try eating a well balanced diet and try talking about the way you feel honestly and openly.

Answer 8

Sounds like you both need to sit down with a counsellor and work things out -- if you have these issues now, they will NOT go away with time, they will follow you for the rest of your life if you don't get it all figured out. It's hard to work things like that out just the two of you, because there is all that history, so find a counsellor and go get healthy.

Answer 9

Treat people the way you want to be treating, always respect your parents. And talk about your problems tell her how you feel without a fight, try not to bottle things up,instead talk about whatever bothers you. There is a good person inside of you show it more often!

Answer 10

in our culture,we practise filial obedience,we respect our parents,parents are the most wonderful people in the world,when the whole world lets you down,your parents will still be by your side,put your-self in her shoe,do you want your daughter to treat you the way you treat your mother?Do you know how much they have suffered to bring you up and protect you,the day you come to this world is her struggle between life and death,that is your birthday.You are being very selfish to only caring for yourself,remember treat them good when you have the chance because as you grow up they are growing old and one day you will also be a mother,so learn it now,the lesson will come in handy.