How to deal with mentally ill(?) people?

Question

My mother sprayed something in my bathroom that I am allergic to, and I went to tell her that it makes it hard for me to breathe. At this moment I coughing/choking/itchy/clogged up.

Anyway, I asked her what it was (it was hairspray) and said that it is really affecting me.

Her response was to start screaming that nothing she does is right and that I'm a b*itch, and she should just kill herself. Now she is slamming doors.

**Before anyone is rude and tells me to grow up and move out - I am an adult and do not live under her roof, but she's my mother and I have to see her.**

What could be wrong with her? Many years ago she had some food on her face when we were in public, and I thought she would want to know.

I told her, and she started screaming at me to stop picking on her, and had to top it off with calling me a "little b*tch"

I wasn't even using a disagreeable voice. I use a calm natural voice/tone.

Answer 1

If its your bathroom in your OWN home she needs to respect your rules for your home. If she dont like it let her throw a tantrum... shell get over it... shes just upset.. she may have a chemical embalance though.. But you may need a miracle getting her to a doctor to be treated though. best of luck.

Answer 2

She could be bi-polar, which is why she goes off like that at the drop of a pin. One of my sister in laws is bi-polar, but will not see a dr or take anything for it bc everyone else is wrong and crazy, and she's the only sane one around. You could be having a conversation with her 1 second and the next she's screaming about something that you said or did. And it's not pretty. My mother acts like that at times too. I was trying to tell her something once when I was 16 and she blew up,screaming about how everything is her fault and she should just kill herself and make everyone happy. Then she went outside and yelled some more, but I stayed in the house and didn't go after her, and in a few minutes she came back in and acted like nothing happened. The choice name for both of them to call me is bit*h, of course. Add ungrateful, stupid, ignorant and fuc*ing to it anytime, though. I'm in a different situation since I can stay away from them, though. My s-i-l lives a couple of hours from me and my mother is here and there and everywhere. Since it's nothing that you're doing wrong to start it, don't blame yourself. You can try to talk to her, but that probably won't help, and will set her off again. (at least that's how these 2 are) The only thing you can do is talk to someone at social services about getting her in to see a dr or having her commited. (yes, I'm serious, and I would do that with my own mother if she were around and lived somewhere for more than a couple of months at a time. I would rather her be in a hospital than running around working up a heart attack over something stupid and small)the sooner she starts seeing a dr, the better, and if she takes the medicine you will both be amazed at how much happier she is.

Answer 3

There are many mental illnesses as well as physical ones that can cause these kinds of outburst.
I assume this is something that she has begun recently. Try keeping a log,writing down any instances that are out of character for her..ask others if they have noticed a change in her or if its just when she is with you. Try to remember when you first noticed the outburst. Also note any other symptoms such as crying for no reason, forgetfulness, sleeping more than usual, hygiene issues like not showering for a couple days, acting as if she is in pain. Once you have done this take your log and meet with a mental health professional.He may have some ideas based on your information as to what can be done to ease the situation. Also if possible see if your mother will go to the medical doctor for physical.
Sometimes when people are ill they are there worst enemies afraid to find out what is wrong, afraid to be dependent on others...let your mom know that you will be there for her, no matter what is wrong...your support will help her more than you know.

Answer 4

I grew up in a home where my father was an undiagnosed paranoid pschizophrenic - He was not diagnosed until I was in my late 30's and long gone from home. I was beaten not for things I did but for things he thought I did. You are in a tough situation, one which I have been in. I tried to have my father committed when he threatened my daughter with a spanking (she wouldn't eat anything except watermelon when we went to shoneys- he wanted to"beat her ***" and then she'd eat). I found out that a daughter can not have her father baker acted when her mother is still in the picture only my mother could do something about him. Are you your mother's next of kin? If you are you may be able to have her treated. You need to seek the advice of eithe a psychologist or psychiatrist in your area. It is not easy togrow up with a crazy person but here are a few survival tips: 1. you cant reason with a crazy person, 2. if you can determine what sets heroff - tryto avoid the triggers , 3. keep reminding yourself that this is not the way to treat someone you love - yourmother iswrong and needs help 4. She does love you -- she has a mental problem and it is not her fault that she is appearing to be a rotten person - she can't control it and 5. Mental illness is not the faultof the sick person any more than cancer is. it is an illness . Good Luck to you. you can click on my profile and I will gladly talk with you more if you would like. It is very rough to be in this circumstance but mental illness is a very difficult thing. -k-

Answer 5

If your mother had cancer, I'm sure you'd take her to a doctor. If she has a mental illness, you should try to do the same. That being said, I know it's hard to do. Your mother seems to have an insecure personality whereby every teensy little thing seems like it's a criticisim and she cannot stand it. Maybe she was abused as a child; maybe she is mentally ill. Hard to say. But only a doctor would know. She should not be calling you names, though. I don't think you should allow it. When she is in a good, quiet mood, I'd talk to her about her outbursts. Tell her that it's not good for her to hold in these feelings, and it's not good for her to scream and berate you. Tell her you have decided you will not allow her to treat you that way anymore. When she starts ranting, you will leave her and not come back unless or until she apologizes. If she can't do that, she needs to see a psychiatrist who can help her see how her behavior is hurting those she loves. Then, stick to it, honey. That's the only way to help her help herself.

Answer 6

Well is she like this all the time or just occassionally?

It does sound like she may be under stress or maybe she is mentally ill? I'm not sure.

If she's never been diagnosed as being mentally ill. If this is not normal behaviour for her, I would try to ask her what's wrong. Let her know her response to your question was over the top, and that you're worried about her. Listen to her, show her you care.

If she is mentally ill, well then I'd contact a professional to get some support. If she's stating she should just kill herself, that's clearly a call for help. If she means it, get help immediately, like call emergency services.

Answer 7

I don't know how old your mother is but I have personally had experiences similar to those with my mother-in-law and she was diagnosed with dimmencia and now alzheimers. I don't know how to answer other than to have patience. Your mother sound easily irritated so if you want pleasant encounters with your mom they may need to be short ones. Take an antihistamene before you visit and maybe a tylenol.LOL

Answer 8

If it is her house, you don't have the right to tell her not to spray whatever she wants to spray, first of all.
Sounds like she may need some help mentally, so could you suggest she see a counsellor? Or if you don't think she'd be receptive to that, try asking her "I need to start seeing a counsellor and I was wondering if you would come with me?". Kind of con her into going. She may just have a hormonal imbalance that could be treated with meds -- or it could be more serious, but you need to let a trained professional determine that. Maybe she seriously needs help? Maybe she just has an anger control problem?

Answer 9

If you really believe she is mentally ill then either try to get her some help. If she doesn't want to then you should call her more often, and see her less. I am proud of you, that you have such respect for her.

She is obviously a very unhappy person, and if she say's she should kill herself it is definitely a call for help. Does she have any sisters, or brothers that you can talk to, to help her. If you do then tell them what you wrote. They have to help her someway.

Answer 10

I dont know why she would treat you that way unless as you say mentally ill & if thats the case then you have to just let it slide as she is sick & probably doesnt mean to call you those things.
I have the same type of mother & she has the same traits we do know that she has depression I just try to ignore when she puts me down even though it hurts they are not really responsible as I said they are sick, so keep your chin up as I do we are the strong ones remember