I have been living with my boyfriend for about a year and we aren't engaged yet, but have plans to marry in the near future. He has an ex-girlfriend of 4 years in hs and college and they still talked for up to 2 years until we met. It was a very serious relationship and she repeatedly cheated on him and he kept going back to her because he was so in love. I'm not sure why this bothers me so much but I think about it every day. We are very happy together but I am always wondering if he would be with her right now if we hadn't met. I can't undo the past but it bothers me so much that he had such strong feelings for her. It makes me feel like I am his second choice. Do these feelings ever go away or should I get out of the relationship? I hate feeling inadequate and I'm not sure if it will ever get better. He doesn't talk to her or anything -- I am just stuck on something I can't change. He gets frustrated every time I bring it up.
2007-03-18 06:24:34 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She is an EX for a reason.
And yes, there is a slight chance that he would be with her if it weren't for you. But maybe not. And fact is, you ARE there!
Did it ever occur to you that the reason he kept going back to her wasn't because he loved her so much, but to try & prove he was good enough ? [for her not to cheat on him]
There is always one ex that will stick in your craw, so it might as well be this one! It will always ruffle your feathers; be irritating every time you hear her name or any reference made to her from other people.
Stop bringing up this other woman just to try & satify your insecurities. It does frustrate him because he doesn't know how to make you feel any better. Thing is, he can't. The only thing he can think of is not having any contact with this other person, which I think it good. YOU will have to find peace with this somehow. It's going to take work on YOUR part.
My beau is in the VERY public eye. His ex is also, a public person. And there isn't ANYONE in this circle who didn't/doesn't know about that relationship. I've even had a couple people ask me, "How did YOU get him???" Talk about feeling inadequate!
I am in the background, not on the stage. And few get to see what I do.
Every so often our paths cross with this ex, and I somehow have to reach w-a-y down deep inside to be the bigger person. And trust me, that is sometimes hard to do considering the damage she did.
We've been together 7 years now, longer than what they were together. But still.................
2007-03-18 06:53:57 · answer #1 · answered by weddrev 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if you live in the past you don't have a present or a chance for the future.
you have self-esteem issues and you need to get some books and read them.
a person has an ex in their life because of the reasons why the relationship didn't work.
i would be more interested in enjoying the fact that he has learned from his past mistakes by choosing you as his partner.
he feels he can trust you but i understand his horror when you keep bringing up a painful memory for him... AND WE ALL HAVE THEM!!!!!!
Leave it alone or you will destroy your relationship.
This is about your insecurities and has nothing to do with his past.
If you really think he doesn't want you and wants her, give your head a shake.... he is with you cause he loves you.
Everybody has that person from the past, first love, devil in disguise.... but you grown out of those kind of relationships into something more mature, secure and peaceful...
Relax , chill and enjoy
2007-03-18 06:36:30 · answer #2 · answered by doclakewrite 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not inadequate, how can you be if he is with you now and not her? Your boyfriend has done nothing wrong, and you cant hold what he did in the past way before you against him. Same as you will have been with people before him, you'd hate it if he left you becuase of it. Our relationships start the minute we meet, anything before that doesnt matter. Look at what you two have now, and if you are going to be married, then treat him like you love him and be happy. Dont live in his past, just your future.
2007-03-18 06:34:22 · answer #3 · answered by PleaseNoMoreNumbers 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
well take the time to think about this. Do you have any x bf's? well he might feel the same way about them but if you guys really love eachother that wont matter because you are in love and plan to marry. Just make sure you love with all your heart and he's the one and dont be afraid of his past relationships because he loves you not them.
2007-03-18 06:33:19 · answer #4 · answered by Team Potter(screw Twilight)<3 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Get over it, or it will ruin your relationship. If you can't move on, break up with him and spare you both the heartache to come.
2007-03-18 06:29:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Maybe he is trying to forget her and you keep bringing it up, this is possible. If he is no longer talking to her I would not worry. It is possible you are the second choice, but you are with him so there is nothing to worry about unless he is still talking to her.
2007-03-18 06:29:42 · answer #6 · answered by Wendy C 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋