Too desperate to settle down. Help!!!?

Question

I am a 34 year old man who came out of a four year relationship about a year ago. My ex-girlfriend didnt treat me well, constantly putting me down and lowering my self esteem. The new realtionships I have started up since have been problematic. If the girls have been nice and treated me well I have lost interest quickly. Where as if the girls dont treat me well I feel lucky to be with them, become a bit obsessed with them and try to get serious way too quick which again eventually ends in disaster.
Ideally I want to meet someone who treats me well that I can get to know slowly and not hit self destruct. My last attempt has left me feeling awful. I was with her for a couple of months, I became too serious, too early. She said she wanted to end it because she wasn't ready for it. Any advice please

Answer 1

If you have been rejected emotionally as a child, there is a big chance that you get attracted to women that seem "familiar", what means women that reject you emotionally. It is a way of trying at last to be accepted, by those who hurt you in your past.
You have to come to terms with yourself and let the past go. We can't recuperate the love of those who rejected us as children. Just when that happens, when you resolve this issue, you will be ready for healthier relationships, and I would add, that the best relationship you should have, the best friend you should take care of is yourself:

Answer 2

Sounds like your self-esteem took a bit of a beating with the 4 year relationship.

Until you realize (remember) that you are a decent person worthy of love and respect, you are doomed to repeat the self-destruct pattern.

Take a break from dating and focus on reclaiming your individual identity. Only when you are whole and complete are you ready to share that completeness in a mature, loving relationship.

Good luck my brother.

Answer 3

You're like the old joke "I wouldn't join any club that would accept me as a member"! Those that are right for you, you will reject and those that will treat you like crap are the ones you're interested in. It's a vicious cycle.

Seriously, Dude, you need professional help. See a good therapist and work on your low self esteem and feelings of inadequacy.

Answer 4

Well this is interesting: you like bad girls like some girls like bad guys.

At least you know what you're doing wrong. You get obsessed and want to move things quickly. In order for you to keep a nice girl, you have GOT to keep it slow but steady.

Have you considered befriending a girl before dating her? That way the girl knows you and if you date, you won't have to go into the "getting to know you" part of the relationship.

Good luck!