A couselor is someone you trust right?

Question

I didn't realise until she wanted to stop the sessions that I have feelings for her. I think i'm dependant on her and I know that i'm attracted to her, I rang her the other day but she never answers her phone, I told her how i felt in an email and i got a reply 3 days later, which was written in the most text book blank emotionless way possible, This made me feel completely rejected, lost, really depressed. I was seeing her for drug problem and I was getting better all because of her and her positive goals approach to everything, But now i'm so depressed that my drug intake has trippled within a week and i'm getting worse, it's like i'm coming off a drug but it's a girl
can someone help ?? I am stupid for this but feel so missrable?

I know had simlr ques bfre but still troubling me a great deal sorry

Answer 1

yes a counselor is someone you trust but that's their job to help you with your problems and tell you how to solve them plus you have people you can talk to all the time you don't need a counselor , you need a good friend that you can depend on. anyways her job is to help you with your problems not to get involved with her patients. you can always count on someone you really trust someone that talks to you and you feel that you have known each other forever!!
hope this helps!!

Answer 2

Transference is very common in therapy as you often share more intimate feelings with a therapist than with anyone else in your life. Don't blame yourself or feel as though some of the dependency you felt was wrong either-transference does need to be addressed appropriately by the therapist and worked through, just like any other issue in therapy, but the working through does not result in termination but rather a reassertion of the boundaries in the relationship. It sounds like what happened here, maybe, is that she terminated with you thinking your work was done and you later realized that these feelings were there and hadn't been addressed and when you addressed them (very appropriate) she reasserted the need to terminate instead of backing up and realizing that that would take time to work through.
If she is still open to working with you in order to help you let go more gradually and explore these feelings more fully, I would suggest doing so. Some counselors are not always great at this juncture and try to maintain boundaries by becoming too rigid and aren't as able to express their positive feelings towards you without fearing that you may hear it as they feel the same way and this might be your counselors issue. Don't take that personally or allow it to devalue what you and she did accomplish together, but if she will not or cannot work through termination with you, see someone else and process the loss with them. Don't allow a lapse to become a full blown relapse. And remember that recovery needs to be for you, not for her. If you maintained sobriety for her sake and not for your own, then you're work on the addiction really isn't finished.

Answer 3

It is not uncommon for the person receiving counseling to think they have developed a relationships, romantic one especially, with the counselor. But any qualified and competent counselor will NOT develop an outside relationship of any kind with a client. It is against professional ethics.

Your feelings are ones of trust and that is good, but to think ti could or would develop into anything more intimate is unrealistic. A counselor sees hundreds of people a year and has to maintain a professional distance.

She is not rejecting you! Your counselor is doing her job. If you cannot separate your feelings from the needs of counseling, it is time to more to another counselor, probably a male.

Answer 4

I depended on a therapist one time for 9 years & she stabbed me in the back so I know in a way how you feel. But she as your counselor has to keep a client/counselor relationship. Maybe at some other time if you go to someone else you could re-contact her & things would be different. Good Luck, don't hurt yourself just because she did this, if you were doing good keep on.

Answer 5

You are not stupid and this quite common, when people are in therapy. She stopped treating you because of "transference" (that's when the patient develops feelings for the therapist and thinks a friendship bond is formed) It is very common to thank the person making your life more manageable, but that is their job and it is not personal. Continue therapy with someone else and realize you don't want to go through this again.
They are not your friend but just a helper in your development.

Answer 6

You should definitely trust a counselor. You won't be able to open up if you don't. You like her so you must be able to talk to her. Maybe your feelings for her are just a result of being listened to and understood. You relate to her and feel a closeness because of the personal conversations you have. It's easy to fall for someone who really cares about you. But don't let your feelings take control of you. Take control of your feelings. It sounds like she really wants to help you. Take the help she offers.

Answer 7

You can trust this therapist, as she is behaving properly in not breaking her professional stance with you. We do get dependent and attached to our therapists, and I'm sorry that she couldn't help you understand that this was a stage in treatment that you were going through. This is especially difficult with people who are on drugs. Drugs are often a replacement for human relationships that frighten us because rejection is feared. Drugs are always there, and we can count on what they will do. So you are right; you are having a withdrawal reaction to the loss of this woman.

The good news is that you were responding to treatment.

I doubt that she can work with you again because of the intensity of your personal feeling, but email her that you sort of understand that you were trying to turn your treatment into a personal relationship which wasn't right. It sounds like you still need help with your drugs. Ask her for a referral. I hope you can let yourself get dependent on your next therapist and understand that the feelings are real but part of the process—probably related to early family attachment issues.

I really wish you good luck!

Answer 8

Time to check yourself into rehab man! You'll learn why she did that if you do! You will also learn why getting away from her was like withdrawal!

You have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. Part of that is getting off of drugs, so you can deal with all your problems instead of getting high to make them cloudy.