How do you know if you want children or not?

Question

I'm about to turn 32, not seriously dating anyone at the moment.

I've never had a strong desire to have kids, though I've always had the vague idea that I would have them someday. Frankly, kids have always made me a little anxious, though they usually seem to like me.

So, my question is, what do you look for inside yourself to decide if you want children?

Answer 1

I thought long and hard about it as well. One day I saw an "Ask Marilyn Vos Savant" column where a mother was bemoaning the years she spent raising her son and all the sacrifices she made because now her son never called her or went out of his way for her. Marilyn answered that you should enter into parenting with no expectations of any returns. You become a parent because you want to experience the journey of parenthood. Reading that really had an impact on me. I realized that I really wanted to experience that journey. And that meant accepting whatever would come with it. I could have a child born with severe birth defects, or a normal child who becomes paralyzed, or isn't very smart, or gets pregnant as a teen, or addicted to drugs or dies or all the horrible, heartbreaking things that could happen to loved ones. And in the end I realized that I could take whatever life throws at me because I really was prepared to make a lifetime commitment to the journey. Come what may. It is the biggest sacrifice you will ever make. Your life as you know it will be a distant memory. Know what you are giving up, and give it up only if you are fully informed of what it will mean to you.

But that was my personal decision. You need to make your own. And you are NOT, NOT, NOT a bad woman if you decide that you do not want to be committed to it. Rather, you would be a far more responsible citizen of the world than many of the parents out there who just wanted to give parenthood a shot then decide they liked their old life better and constantly feel the tug of both. Those people don't get the best of either world.

Answer 2

The vague idea that you might have children some day happens to most people. That is just the effects of society pressure.

I never felt the desire to have children ever. There is nothing unusual about that. I chose to get a vasectomy at 21. I have never looked back. Many of my friends have children. Most say they would have done the same as I did, had they just thought before having sex without birth control.

People seldom decide to have children. They either have an accident, or give into peer pressure. It is that simle.

So how did I know I didn’t want them? That is simple, I never had the desire. If you have not had the desire by 30, you are pretty much never having children.

My choice didn’t have anything to do with not meeting the right person. Most everyone I ever dated wanted to have children with me. My only sibling decided not to have them either. He made that choice because he did not ever meet any women that he could call a quality mother.

Statistically people that do not have children are more successful in life.

Good luck

Answer 3

Thats really a peronal decision you have to make. But like others say, you'll probably feel alot different about your kids, than other peoples. You think of their behavior different ect. I am only 16 but I have always wanted to have children, I just feel it in my heart! I know I am too young so don't freak out, several years ago I realized that I wanted t adopt children, so when I turn 25 I will! I'm very excited, but know its a long ways off & I have High school, College, and so much more to worry about, but I am going to start saving money when I turn 18 & get a job, then I'll make even more money when I graduate College & become a RN. But to answer your question, I guess its different for everyone, my cousin, for example, said that she never wanted children, they were annoying, exspensive ect, but then she had an unplanned pregnancy & that completely changed her outlook on children & motherhood, she was happy & loves her son, Hes now three & she couldn't imagine her life without him. So sometimes people have children & then their whole outlook changes, but I mean I would not just go out get pregnant & "try it out" because there is no going back, it is a lifetiem commitment! If you are really undecided write down the pros & cons of motherhood, if there are sonsiderably more cons then rethink your decision, if there are more pors then maybe you are ready to be a mother. I don't really know what to tell you, its such a personal decision & you & only you can decide wahts right for you. Good Luck!!

Sorry about the typos in a hurry!

Answer 4

Trust me, you won't be afraid of your own children. You will know them from the minute they are born, they will love you, and you will love them and understand them. You will grow as a mother as they grow so rarely will you be at a loss for a solution to a problem (though it does happen and can shake your confidence for like an hour at most). So don't be uncomfortable with the idea.
Next, you must kind of have a notion that you want kids, or you wouldnt be thinking about it. Are you afraid of childbirth? Nowadays, you can get so drugged up that you won't feel a thing and then you can nap and when your ready you can hold and feed your baby and leave the hospital before you know it with whatever pain medicine you need. DONT FEAR THE PAIN!
I am a firm believer that humans have a strong desire to eat, breath, and reproduce. We fight for our lives and that is one of the strongest instincts we have, second only to THE LIVES OF OUR BABIES! That is what makes me think that we are humans and therefore smarter than animals and can choose when and where to have children, but ultimatetly it is engrained in all of us to make and protect the next generation. You hear women say there is no greater joy, well its so true! I am pregnant with my second baby and its the truth, it is fantastic! I am so scared of childbirth, but I will not let it stop me. I wish i had more money, a bigger house, a better education, but these are things that pale in comparison to the love i give my 14 month old son and he gives me so much more. I really hope you get to feel that love someday, as well as give it to a child.

Answer 5

Its not an easy thing for a stranger to answer. It may be something that down the road you may decide to do, or not. If you don't want to have children, then that is your choice, and if you do that is your choice. The only thing to keep in mind is that if you do decide to have children later on that there are a bit more risks and tests during the pregnancy but many women 40 and up (I do know some personally) have great success so theres time to think about it and decide without worry or pressure. Best of luck to you whatever you decide

Answer 6

I never had ANY desire for children.

I have one and it's the best thing that ever happened to me.

The fact that you're so skittish about it, tells me that you would make a great mom. You've put alot of thought into it and you know if you were to be a parent, you'd want to be the best you could be and you're afraid you won't measure up.

People who aren't afraid and worried, usually haven't really looked at themselves and their abilities very closely. Or they don't think about what's really involved.

You don't have to look any further inside of yourself. When and if you have a child, the mommy in you will step right up to the plate and take over. You will be fine.

Answer 7

Like everyone else I'm not sure there's a way to know. I never saw myself having children, but then I had my daughter, and she is the best thing that ever happened to me, and my husband and I are talking about having another. Oh yeah, and I was always real uneasy around other peoples kids. I wouldn't babysit or anything. I hadn't even fed a baby or changed a diaper until I had my baby!

Answer 8

Until I met my fiancee I always thought (and even told him) that I didn't want children and I really never was interested in them. But after we'd been together just a couple months and got engaged, I changed my mind and told him I did want kids. The very next month I got pregnant and we now have a son who we both love very much. Now I'm actually hoping to convince him that we should have another one! So I didn't look inside myself, it was more like I just felt differently one day.

Answer 9

Honestly, I've always wanted to be a mother. To nurture, to love unconditionally (like my mom does for me, and I do for my husband) and to raise another human being.

Kids make all adults anxious, and if you've had any bad experience with babies/kids it's not a ruler to judge your ability to raise them. Other people's kids are different.

Ask yourself if you want to commit to a lifetime (not just eighteen years) of raising someone. Helping them first, then yourself. Financially responsible means from first diaper to last day at college.

You're 32, you have a good three years to find someone, then another five to decide if you want a baby. It will be difficult but at least you'll know you want him or her.

Answer 10

With due respect with male & female, let me put it this way, we all desire for what we do not have, once we turn to teen ages we wish for a gf/bf, then we wish to get married, & the most common reason behind marriage in today's youth is sex. Ones we have sex, then surely we wish for children. But yes it may be a male or a female both wish to have babies at the proper age, as babies are so cute, they make our life so changed, bring us so much happiness, lucks, thoughts,etc.
In your case, if you feel you can handle a baby & bring it properly in all terms you should go for it, but on one condition if you are married & have your husband with you. Important note, parents must never fight or appear rude in front of young children, as this affects the young growing minds of children. So, best of luck, think twice before you perform.