17yr old daughter and her boyfriend...Help?

Question

i'll try to make it short. Hes 19, no real job,has a baby hes not allowed to see, lives out on the reserve. He has a drinking problem hes trying to fix. My girl is smart, has a Job,good kid. lastnight she was supposed to go to his house(i gave her permission to spend night) Me and her step dad went out, when we came out of legion(midnight)she was hanging on main st with him and bunch off other people.(we live in very small town) i went to her and asked what was going on, then step dad got very upset...told her to get in van,she told me she left a note on table that plans changed she wasnt going to his house. step dad got angry and started yelling at bf. my girl is very upset and hurt that i didnt stop this, that she got embarresed in front of her friends. what she cant see is dad and i see what kind of person he is, dad hates him. im hurt that all she sees is i let step dad go off and i didnt stand up for her.what do i say to her.??

Answer 1

HI, WHAT I WOULD THINK IS THAT SHE WILL SEE WHAT THIS GUY IS REALLY ABOUT AND WANT BETTER. JUST KEEP ON TALK TO HER. BUT DON'T SAY ANY THING BAD ABOUT THE GUY. BECAUSE SHE KNOW THAT THE GUY IS NO GOOD FOR HER. FOR HER DAD GO OFF ON HIM GOOD FOR DAD HE SHOULD KNOW HOW IN CHARGE. JUST BE THERE FOR HER WHEN SHE NEED TO TALK SHE WILL NEED TO TALK TO SOME DAY.

Answer 2

What kind of parent gives their minor daughter their blessing to spend the night at her boyfriend's house and fcuk?

I mean, you don't seem to care that your daughter is getting laid. And you don't care enough that the guy who's sticking it to her has a substance abuse problem. So what's the big deal with her hanging out downtown with her scummy "friends"?

Is it because it's a small town, and you're afraid of what the neighbors might think? Do you care more about the opinion of virtual strangers than you do about your daughter's safety and future?

Her step-dad isn't perfect, either, but he's being a better parent than you are.

You've got problems far more serious than your daughter's sulking.

You know what you ought to say to her? "Sweetheart, I've been a sh!tty mom. I've failed you so badly that your step-dad is a better parent to you than I am. And I know it's a little late in the game, but I'm going to try harder now. Which means I'm going to be making some rules, and you're going to be following them. I know you're going to hate me for a while. And I know you're probably going to leave home on your 18th birthday. I've made you retarded--as in you're not as mature and wise as you should be at your age. But when you finally do grow up, you'll see that I did care about you, and I ultimately tried to do the right thing for you. And when that day comes, I'll be here, ready to make up for how badly I fcuked you over."

Memorize that speech, learn how to live it, and then go do the best you can for your daughter.

Answer 3

Well you basically OK'd the relationship when you let her spend the night. What kind of parenting is that? Why would you let her spend the night with a loser like that? If you allow that, why would you care that she's hanging out on the streets, is that somehow worse? It doesn't really matter, she's 17 and can do what she wants within months anyway, and apparently her morals have already been established so really, who cares. Be prepared to be a grandmother very soon.

Answer 4

You don't remember being 17? At least they were in public and not at home making babies. She will see who he is, but only on her account. Trust me here, she will stay with him as long as you try to push her away from him! I did it and I know others do. I can see how she is hurt because you didn't stand up for her and she was embarassed. You should talk to her like a friend. Say to her that you want what is best for her and you trust that she will make the right decision for herself and walk away. As long as she knows your opinion (she does) and there isn't any pressure, perhaps she will be able to "see" what kind of guy he is. Have you tried helping him find a job, inviting him to dinner to get to know him better? Show that you are trying. She will come around, just be careful you don't force her to run off marry and have kids with him. Good luck!!

Answer 5

U say that the 2 of u love her & are trying to make sure shes safe. But honestly, im sure this relationship wont last. I was in the same situation when i was 17 almost the same. And eventually she will figure out ur intentions & love u A LOT! Shes a kid after all. Good luck

Answer 6

Your daughter is not a child, step dad overreacted and will only push her closer to her boyfriend. No one can make her see what they see in her boyfriend, she has to realize things for herself. Hanging with friends & talking what is the problem? Millions of young people do this every day. Be carefull or you may loose your daughter, step dad should appoligize to her and her boyfriend. Her relationship must run its course. Insure she is informed and has access to birth control. andybugg is so right, you may push her further into the relationship.

Answer 7

if she had permission to be at his house what was so wrong about hanging out with him.I don't understand the problem.unless the step dad didn't know about it.men are over protective of girls and he must really love your daughter.telll your daughter that step dad is looking out for her best interest.and you were quiet because you didn't want to get into an arguement in front of her friends.

Answer 8

seems your are trying to be the perfect parent...
that's very nice of you to do.
i would LOVE to be that way with my kids when i have them...
BUT..... my parents raised me strict like so i a lot of things i was restricted from like dating boys, hangin out late, my kerfew was always 5:00 P.M. couldn't watch R ratewd movies.. i was homeschooled, not allowed to eat meat..
now i am 20 an although idon't appreciate how i was restricted from so many many things i understand it.
i was home schooled to be kept away from peir pressure an stuffs of the sort. no dating meant saving myself 4 marriage.
i am proud of who i have grown up to be all because of rules and restrictions. i think i am stronger because of it.
this of course leads me to believe that there can be a balance between the two choices of perfect parent and strict protector.
Learn where to draw the line and when to let em have fun..
don't 4get nobody in this world is gonna care 4 your child more than u do, so if u value your daughters life an virtue an character.. i suggest u start sending her to her room at a certain hour and no drugs drinking or late night hangouts..
explain why you say this and keep a verbal connection with your daughter.
that probably the MOST important part.
talkin with your daughter a lot.
she is gonna grow up to be like u one day.
so teach her all the cool things you experienced and learned thoroughout your life
!!!

Answer 9

who is older in your situation, you or your husband? and besides, she 17! shouldn't she be readiing for college if she is as smart as you say she is? really where does this behavior come from? does this mean your a bad person or parent for trying to protect her from some boy who has taken it upon himself, regardless of state laws, to indulge in the activities with someone that is a minor? you have the power that children fail to realise, as a parent, that overrides them. she is seventeen. be flexible, understanding, and authoritative all in the same batch. and maybe Mr. Angry should be a little less angry and more compassionate to more people. anger is one letter short of danger?

Answer 10

Tell gently the consequences of dating such a guy. I bet u there was somebody that was all ready waiting for him at home, why else would their plans to sleep over change. This is your daughter take care.