i dont know my dad and it makes me cry...?

Question

i have never known my dad. aparently when he found out my mum was pregnant, he left her... he wasnt a bogan or anything (he is a pilot) he just didnt want me. me and my mum always fight... i cant recall a week when we havnt. its only me and my mum in our house so it gets crouded... butover the last week when i fight with her i have been thinking about my dad, i keep wishing he had never left and that he was still here and why he didnt want anything to do with me! and in result, every night of this week i cried myself to sleep... over the last year i have tried to get in2 contact with him but no luck. anyone got good advice?

Answer 1

its not that he did not want you....he is selfish and irresponsible and did not want to share the limelight...its his loss...move on it truley is HIS LOSS

and keep this in mind many people live with their father and that makes them cry...

Remeber if he is selfish and irresponsible when he is NOT with you he would only be the same(selfish and irresponsible) and you would suffer that...he did you a favor.....and he'll get his when he faces GOD...

You can forgive him and move on....

Answer 2

At least try to imagine that your dad would agree witih your mom a lot so you wouldn't really have another person to side with you (if that's what you are thnking). Also, being a pilot, he would still be working a lot without regular hours. What if they tried very hard to settle their differences when they were home but still didn't get along and you felt torn between them all the time when they were fighting. My point is: things could be much worse even with him around.
For a vast improvement in your life, aim to cut down on the arguments with your mum and substitute more positive things (things you like to do, also things she likes to do).
After all that, there still be be a place in your heart for your dad - because he made you with your mom so you do want to know him. That can happen (either you couldn't find him, which is easily fixed if you hire a detective or he didn't want to have contact with you now but he will someday). Good luck! Keep busy, have goals. Enjoy having your mum even if she is a pain sometimes.

Answer 3

Your fathers not wanting a child was not personal He did not want any child...you were not a personality yet So IT is Not Personal...it doesnt make him bad only irresponsible for his
actions....this would not make a good parent.
Your mom on the other hand has loved and cared for you willingly. Even if you don't always agree she loves you and is trying her best for you. Teens being at odds with parents is normal
so try more discussions and compermises, which is the mature thing to do.
Use these things to help you evolve into a better person with more understanding for others without judgement or taking it as personal. (things like this are seldom about you - but about the other persons hang ups)

Answer 4

You want to know your dad partially because you want to have the parental love that you are not receiving from your mother. Your dad has not even tried to find you and get to know you; you might be disappointed figuring out what jerk he can be.
I fight as much as my mother too. You wont appreciate a person until she/he is gone. Why are yall fighting? There is always a way to work it out if one is willing to try. You and your mother can be best friends. It is quite hard for your mother already to raise you on your own, being dumped, and even harder to find a date.
I am not saying that finding your dad is not a thing to do, maybe if you did find your dad you can see how much better off you are with your mother or a happy ending. We are all human and learn the hard way that is most hurtful.


I will pray for you.

Answer 5

It may be tough right now with your mom, that does happen. When daughters reach a certain age it becomes hard to connect with them Till they are older. Having questions about your dad is normal, but please don't put your mom on the outs for that. She is doing the best she can. My mom left my father when I was 5.. i don't remember her being there at all. I got in contact with her when I was 19, and she wanted nothing to do with me. I think I was better off just wondering what she was like instead of going through that kind of rejection. Make the best of what you have now.

Answer 6

You need to realize that your father was not very responsible, and he left your mother alone to take of you by herself. That is a very big responsibility, and instead of fighting with your mom, you should tell her thank you. She provides you with everything, and i'm sure she loves you. If she didn't, she would not be fighting with you. If your dad was such a great man, he would be present in your life. I know, because I am a part of my daughters life, and I can tell you there is no more greater joy than to have the love of a daughter. I know this hurts, but don't let it dominate your life. Try to contact him(father), and tell him that you have a desire to meet him. Any normal father will not be able to resist the call from his daughter, but be prepared to meet whoever comes to the door.

Answer 7

I understand how u feel but have u realised what ur Mom has done for u all these yrs?Do u realise she maybe just as lonely as u? Do u understand what she must be going thro whenu ask her the same question everyday? What she must be going thro when her own child does nt understand tht she has been there for him all these yrs n u dnt value her presence as much?
I knw how u feel but dnt fight or argue with ur Mom,Relationships dnt have meaning when there is no proper communication so u see Communication is the key but put ur questions across the right way.. Dnt shout or get angry maybe she is a litlle uncomfortable or feels sad abt the whole thing so be patient be understanding be kind.. She loves you n she will tell u probably she is waiting for the right time..Dnt take her presence in ur life for Granted.. Be there for her be her friend..She 'll tell you n she knws wat 's best for u n when to tell u...

Answer 8

my older son's father left us, too.... despite that, my son has done well in life, and is now 31. it bothered him from time to time, but it was something he could not change. it happens too often in this world... i'm sorry you have had to experience this.

you said "he just didn't want me" and "he didn't want anything to do with me!".... i think these are normal thoughts, and we all have things we wonder about....

i'm really sorry to hear you're feeling so badly. please remember YOU are a worthwhile person!

first of all, your parents' actions are NEVER your fault. they make choices, sometimes selfish ones, at that!

just because your father didn't take responsibility, is no reflection on YOU. he is irresponsible and uncaring.

i think it's time you start making plans for yourself... keep yourself busy with some sort of hobby, spend time with good friends and the family you know. find out what YOU are all about and what you want in life... you sound like a decent person. it's best to focus on YOU.

i'm sure you don't want to spend all of your time fighting with your mother. perhaps you could work on talking with her and trying to get along? I don't know what your situation is, but if you want to have a nice relationship with your Mum, tell her ! I'm sure if you have problems between you, you can both figure out ways to make life better.

school counsellors or other adults we trust will listen -- if we just ask if they'd please make some time for us. it's important you have someone to talk with.

your focus needs to be on YOU.. that is my best advice. you can make a good life, with or without a father.

i hope you will.

Answer 9

I HAVE NEVER MET MY FATHER EITHER. IT IS A HARD REALITY. I WENT THROUGH A 'MELT DOWN' WHEN I WAS ABOUT 15-16YRS OLD. I WAS AN ONLY CHILD UP UNTIL THEN ALSO SO I HAD NO ONE TO TALK TO ABOUT THE SITUATION. I THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND I DECIDED TO NOT LET IT CONTROL ME OR MY EMOTIONS. YOU HAVE TRIED TO GET A HOLD OF HIM WITH NO AVAIL. IF YOU WANT TO KEEP TRYING THEN DO SO! JUST DON'T LET IT 'BREAK' YOU. HANG IN THERE AND GOOD LUCK. YOU CAN GO TO PEOPLESEARCH.COM AND LOOK FOR HIM. JUST PREPARE YOURSELF, SOMEDAY YOU MAY HAVE TO PUT IT ALL BEHIND YOU. IT WILL BE A VERY CHALLENGING TIME IN YOUR LIFE AS IS WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH NOW. BE STRONG.

Answer 10

just try to rember at least u have a dad & he loves you theres a reason for everthing . and htis reason is probably he was scared and he felt that it was probably better 4 u if he left & ur mom if he left