What could I suggest to friend - she wants a new tatoo symbolyzing what she's gone thru w/ hubby's deployment.

Question

This is what she's thinking as written in her blog...

"So I've decided that I am going to get a new tattoo, or rather add to the cross I have on my back. I want to get something to represent my relationship and what we have had to overcome for the 2 years that we will have been apart (by the time he makes it home from Iraq) however, I have no ideas on how to represent that. I feel like I have such a great idea and no pictures in my head. Something along the lines of strength, courage, hardships, faithfulness, ect. that this deployment has brought upon us. Any ideas from anyone? or better yet, send me drawings :) I don't want anything tacky....such as my husbands name across my back or something.....that will never happen, its still gotta look nice....help me out here people. "

I did not ask you how to convince her not to get a tattoo. This is a classy lady and she wants something tastful. Don't think otherwise.

Answer 1

When my husband got home from his last deployment, I was going to get a red flower (a gladiolus, I think) on my shoulder blade. That flower represents strength. I knew I wanted a flower, so I looked for one that had a special meaning to me. Of course, I got pregnant, so no tattoo. Maybe when he gets home next year...

I don't think there's anything wrong with her idea. I also want a tattoo to represent what we've been through the past few years. My husband is about to leave for his 3rd year in Iraq, and it has changed both of us permanently. I just wanted something to show that. The soldiers get tattoos representing their service all the time, why is it not okay for their wives to also?

Answer 2

you're being a great friend -- that's what friends do -- they support each other. i'm sure you were a source of strength for her too, during her husband's deployment. forget the naysayers ...

like the above asian symbol for strength idea!

here's another one: somewhat expensive, but get a stamp size portrait or slightly larger. have her search the web, look through art books at the library and go to her local musuem. she might want something symbolic.

this question has been asked before on Y!A: got some interesting responses, including links to artist that do this type of work. check it out:

Answer 3

Put it in a drawing on the wall...not on her back.

EDIT:
For those who don't like my answer...you get a tattoo simply because you like the design. A tattoo shouldn't represent life events that closely involve other people. Have you considered that something may eventually happen to make her regret she has a permanent reminder of this experience on her body? Believe me, I had experiences as a military wife where I was happy with it at the time, then found out things later that made me just want to forget it ever happened.

Thank God I never got tattoos to "symbolize" any of those experiences. I first learned this lesson from my brother, who got one to symbolize what he and his first wife went through to be together (first marriage for both.) Then she ran off with her lover five years later. That tramp ended up marrying three other guys and doing the same thing to them. My brother regretted that tattoo for years until the day he died. His second wife didn't like it either once she found out what it meant. His first wife's name wasn't in that tattoo, but that didn't matter. He knew what it meant without it. He would occasionally tell other people how much he hated it. Now imagine how many times he told himself how much he hated it.

My brother's just one example. I've met many more, including military wives who got tattoos that represented life events and later wished they hadn't. But I've detailed my brother's experience above because that's the one I followed for years. I'm sure my brother and all those military wives thought nothing would ever happen to make them regret getting that tattoo. But something did happen.

Yes, tattoo removal methods are much better and less expensive now than they used to be. But even if it's removed or worked into another tattoo, she won't ever forget it was there.

The difference between a military person's service and service as a military wife is that the military person can serve without a wife. Many of his military memories and experiences have nothing to do with his wife. A military wife wouldn't be there if her husband wasn't in the military. Almost everything revolves around him, so her experience is a life event that closely involves another person.

Now...you still don't like my answer? Then tell her to go for it. Hopefully she finds a nice design. But don't say you weren't warned what could happen. If she asks you then why you didn't try to talk her out of it, what are you going to say? If you tell her now and she does it anyway, then the monkey's on her back. Pun not intended.

Answer 4

She could look into symbolism from either her or his ethnic heritage. For example, I know there are Native American and Celtic and Aztec images that mean some of the things she wants to represent. Those could be worked into a design by a competent artist.

Answer 5

Tell her to get the chinese symbol for Strength. Strength sums everything up they have been thru.....staying together, the missing each other, the scariness of him dying over there...etc etc. Its all about strength.

Good luck.

Answer 6

i don't mean to be disrespectful, but i would suggest an old fashioned winged skull, like you see on very old gravestones in new england.

they have a very simple and unmistakeable symbolic meaning:
death triumphant.

Answer 7

Just tell her to picture what that tattoo will look like when she's 50.....

Answer 8

While on military duty, the majority of the opinion is that women with tattoos have "tramp stamps."

Answer 9

an american flag

Answer 10

i would recommend not saying anything at all