my 3 yr old son still doesnt sleep thru the night.he wakes often cryin or talkin.any ideas how to settle him?

Question

we have tried tiring him out but he still wakes in night.We do resist puttin him in bed with us as surely this would only make him worse.Since he was born me & my partner are only averaging 4 hours sleep if were lucky

Answer 1

Make bedtime a special time. It should be a time for you to interact with your child in a way that is secure and loving, yet firm. At bedtime, spend some special time with your child. Be firm and go through a certain bedtime routine that your child is used to. At the end of that routine the lights go off and it is time to fall asleep.
Put some thought into finding your child’s ideal bedtime. In the evening, look for the time when your child really is starting to slow down and getting physically tired. That's the time that they should be going to sleep, so get their bedtime routine done and get them into bed before that time. If you wait beyond that time, then your child tends to get a second wind. At that point they will become more difficult to handle, and will have a harder time falling asleep.
Keep to a regular daily routine—the same waking time, meal times, nap time and play times will help your child to feel secure and comfortable, and help with a smooth bedtime. Children like to know what to expect.
Use a simple, regular bedtime routine. It should not last too long and should take place primarily in the room where the child will sleep. It may include a few simple, quiet activities, such as a light snack, bath, cuddling, saying goodnight, and a story or lullaby. The kinds of activities in the routine will depend on the child’s age.
Make sure the sleep routines you use can be used anywhere, so you can help your child get to sleep wherever you may be.
Some children are soothed by the sound of a vaporizer or fan running. This "white noise" blocks out the distraction of other sounds. Small, portable white noise machines with a variety of different sounds are now available.
Make sure your child has interesting and varied activities during the day, including physical activity and fresh air.
Use light to your advantage. Keep lights dim in the evening as bedtime approaches. In the morning, get your child into bright light, and, if possible, take them outside. Light helps signal the brain into the right sleep-wake cycle.
Never soothe your child to sleep by putting them to bed with a bottle or cup of juice, milk or formula. Water is okay. Anything other than water in the bottle or cup can cause tooth decay.
Don’t fill up your child’s bed with toys. It’s probably best to keep your child’s bed a place to sleep, rather than a place to play. Too many toys in the bed can be distracting. One or two transitional objects--like a favorite doll, a security blanket, or a special book--are okay, and can help with separation issues.
Never use sending your child to bed as a threat. Bedtime needs to be a secure, loving time, not a punishment. Your goal is to teach your kids that bedtime is enjoyable, just as it is for us adults. If the feeling around bedtime is a good feeling, your child will fall asleep easier.
Don’t give your child foods and drinks with caffeine in them, like hot chocolate, tea, cola, chocolate, etc. Even caffeine earlier in the day could disrupt your child’s sleep cycle.
Don't let your child watch more than one to two hours of TV during the day, and don't let them watch TV at bedtime at all. TV viewing at bedtime has been linked to poor sleep.
If your child has a TV set in their bedroom, remove it. Research shows watching TV is linked to sleep problems, especially if the TV set is in the child’s bedroom. The presence of other media, such as a computer, video games or Internet in a kid’s bedroom is also associated with worse sleep.
There are different reasons your child may not want to go to bed at night. Your child may have issues with autonomy. In other words, they may want to have more control over their body and their environment. This usually starts to happen after about nine months of age, and is what two and three year olds are famous for! Give your child some limited choice and “control” over the type of bedtime activities and the order of the bedtime routine. If your child has more control over these activities, they may feel less need to exercise control over when they fall asleep.
Experiment with various colored lights being used as a nightlight. Some friends report that a small, green light seemed to induce sleep for their child. Others had more success with a red or blue light. Sometimes a white nightlight can have an alerting effect.
Don't reprimand or talk to your child when he gets up; simply put him right back to bed and leave as soon as he's lying down. Stay calm and consistent — he'll soon realize you won't give in. Do check to make sure he's not too hot and that his pajamas aren't too tight or uncomfortable.
Toddlers can usually soothe themselves back to sleep when they wake up at night, often by talking to themselves and practicing all their new words. But many children this age may still have problems sleeping through the night on their own. In order to do so, your toddler has to know how to soothe himself back to sleep; if he wakes up at night and is scared because you're not there or because he's afraid of monsters or other imaginary problems, it will be hard for him to drop back off. Reassure him that he's safe and all right and that you're nearby. Don't rush to him the minute you hear his stirring; he needs to learn to do this on his own.
To create the right setting for sleep, you need to provide your toddler with:
A dark room. Darkness activates the release of melatonin — the body's "sleep hormone" — while light suppresses it. However, if your toddler expresses any nighttime fears, a night-light that casts a soft glow is fine.
A quiet space. Put your toddler to sleep in a room or a space that's away from the traffic center of your home. No need to tiptoe around, however: Simply wait until your toddler's been quiet for about five minutes, then feel free to make ordinary noise around the house.
Cool temperatures. Our core body temperature has to dip in order for us to fall asleep, so don't overdress your toddler. Of course, you don't want him to be shivering, either. Shoot for a room temperature of about 65 to 70 degrees Fahrenheit (or 18 to 22 degrees Celsius), and dress your toddler in a single layer of long pants and long sleeves. If you have no choice but to put him down in a warm room, stick with short sleeves or nothing but a diaper. If the room's on the colder side, a cozy pair of "footie" pj's should do the trick. Use your own comfort level as a guide: If you need to wear long pants and a sweater in the house, your toddler's arms and legs should be covered, too.
Light bedding. Your toddler's bed should have a firm mattress with a tight-fitting sheet and light bedding with a small pillow.

Answer 2

Does he have a night light? Has there been a change in the family? What is your bedtime routine? There are many things that could be contributing to this. Children at this age can have night terrors. Some times a spacial blanket or stuffed animal will help. A night light can also help. What is your routine before bed? Try to bring his activity level down 30 min before going to bed. Avoid drinks/snakes with sugar or caffeine in them. No cartoons or TV before bed. Try giving him a bath in J&J chamomile baby wash and then read him a book or listen to a calming bed time CD and pat his back 5-10 min before bed time. There is also a good web site (www.kidshealth.org) that can give you more ideas on what to do for this situation.

As far as the crying you have to let him cry and take him back to his bed when he gets up. If he is just crying you need to go in the room...don't say a word...just make sure there is nothing wrong with him then walk out.... if he is out of bed you need to walk him back to his bedroom...don't say a word or get him worked up and place him back in bed....it might seem a little mean but if you react to his crying for getting up it will make it worse. He will continue to do it to get a reaction.

Answer 3

oh how i sympathise. My daughter is 3 and it's a similar story. The last week or two we seem to have cracked it though. After trying all sorts of things we have put a stairgate on her door (I know it sounds mean but she doesn't object). We close it when we go to bed. The first night she rattled the gate and yelled for us. We lay in bed holding hands feeling like the worst parents in the world but after only 8 minutes she crawled back into bed and went back to sleep. She hasn't disturbed us in the night since. Could just be luck we'll probably be up all night now :)

Answer 4

Make sure he has a good "wind-down" routine each evening, with a soothing warm drink - like milk if he is not allergic to it. Bathtime with lavender oil in the bath - about 4 drops, too much is a stimulant. Similarly, try a drop of lavender oil on his pillow. A tape of soothing music to go to sleep to. Then, when he wakes, put the same tape on again. His subconscious should tell him to go back to sleep. You need to find a trigger that you can cope with when you are half-asleep.

Answer 5

expensive mom, i does no longer rule out any checks the place your baby is in contact, because of the fact of her eating lots food. attending to the no longer dozing by the nite - i don't comprehend once you awaken interior the morning, yet once you ought to wake this baby up at permit's say 6 or 7 interior the morning, and permit her do her each and on a daily basis activities, yet then upload to them some by ability of taking her to the park and letting her play greater vigorously or strolling her at long walks. In different words tiring her out some. do no longer permit her take any naps in the process the day. i might lay money that she won't supply you any issues on dozing the entire nite by as quickly as she is positioned to mattress. She only sounds like an exceedingly energetic baby, and desires alot of ability to be chuffed, yet once you're letting her take naps in the process the day, which would be one in each of your reasons that she isn't dozing in the process the nite. Plus, a biggie is protecting her on a time table. maximum mum and dad do no longer do this with their toddlers anymore. vast mistake, hence a marvelous type of mum and dad have issues of their toddlers. protecting a baby on a "time table" is the final concern you're able to do for any baby, as they fall right into a recurring (which advantages the entire abode) and that they comprehend what's envisioned of them. DC

Answer 6

have you tried a warm meal followed by a warm bath and a bed time story. that helped get my first into routine. he was terrible when it came to sleeping wanted to be up all day and all night.

maybe your little on is having too much rest in the day.

if all esle fails try some wishky, its an old grandmother's trick (especially caribbean). know its been used on some of my cousins and on my younger sis. if you were to try it its a 1/4 cap to a whole lot of warm milk. maybe all you need is a good night sleep.

have you tried contacing your health visitor. they should be able to help with all sort till he gets to 5.

you could also try lavender bath wash or lavender oils or probably he's too yougn for this.

whatever you decide it take 1-2 weeks of constant consistant routine, doing exactly the same thing every night. as its not best to turn lights on or speak to him when returnign him to bed, try being as quiet as possible. one day you'll get there but when you do, for you and your partner's sanity you MUST stick to the rountine as not doing so will take you straight back to step one and it only feels worse everytime.

Answer 7

all of us, kids and adults alike wake through the night, either fully, or just kind of half come to the surface. it happens about every 90 mins. most kids cry or talk when they wake like this, and our natural instinct as parents is to go and comfort them, to settle them back down again.
but
what we end up doing is *rewarding* them for waking up! they learn that they get attention and comfort from us if they wake up in the night. and then after a while, they can get really upset when they don't get it. which makes us want to give them more attention...

unless your little boy is having the real *night terrors* that other people have described, and if you have tried things like nightlights without sucess, there's a technique similar to 'controlled crying' that can help sort this out.
it sounds a bit callous, and you might feel like you are being a bit mean and hard-hearted for a while, but it really makes a difference. and you'll end up with both your little boy and yourselves being much happier.

this is how it works.
when your boy wakes up, try ignoring him for a few minutes. he may just go back to sleep of his own accord.
if he doesn't, go to him. make sure that he's not hot, cold, wet or dirty. if he is, then just deal with it quietly, calmly and efficiently, not talking to him more than to just say what you are doing, or playing with him in any way. reassure him that he's safe to go back to sleep. you want to give him minimum attention, and only stay for a very short time. so only pick him up if you need to put him back into bed. avoid eye contact. do something like stoke his head, say 'shhh... it's ok. go back to sleep now.'
then go back to your bed.
leave him for a while longer, and reapeat as necessary, increasing the length of time between visits if you can.

DON'T let him get *really* distressed, or make himself sick in between visits. partly it's not good for him, and partly cos you're more likely to end up picking him up... frequent but short, business-like visits work best if he gets really upset, especially at first.

the important thing is to teach him that he isn't going to get lots of comfort and attention every time he wakes up, and get him to the point where he just goes back to sleep of his own accord. he should get the idea within a couple of weeks. and you'll all start getting a better nights sleep :)

Answer 8

I sooo feel your pain, been there! It's frusturating and takes work but first, resist running to his aid. He is 3 and if something is truly wrong he'll tell you. But when you rush to him you give him control over you and your partner. Second, if he comes to you, calmly walk him back to his room lay him down and tell him it's time for sleep and to lay down. Eventually you will let him know, you are the boss you set the rules and you aren't going to console him every time he wimpers.

Answer 9

My daughter does the same thing (she's 6). Some children have 'night terrors' which is they are having a nightmare, but appear to be awake (has to do with the developing brain). I have to talk to her until she truly wakes up...she fights me (arguing, crying, yelling, flailing & kicking, eyes open---but no eye contact) and appears to be awake the whole time. Then it suddenly stops. At this time I talk to her a little bit more to be sure she is out of the terror, give her a drink of water and then tuck her back into bed.

The key for you is to remain calm and loving while they are fighting you (which is REALLY TOUGH) but try to remember that it isn't your child who is fighting you, but his dreaming brain.

Also, talk to his doctor. If it is Night Terrors, the doctor should be able to tell you some more techniques on what to do (no medicine required).

Good luck! I truly understand...hers used to run every 3-4 hours a night. Now we're at 2-3 times a week if that.

Answer 10

Lack of sleep in children can cause serious
health problems.If parents follow some simple
techniques for making their children sleep,
it can be avoided. I found useful information
at http://nosleep.in/sleepchildren.html

Answer 11

my daughter dose the same thing
she has horrible night terrors(wakes up screaming almost every night) and is only comforted by sleeping in bed with me after they happen(around 2-3 a.m.)(she has no trouble going to bed or getting to sleep)
so I'm not being helpful but I just wanted to share that your not alone and it happens to other people too!!
sorry I couldn't help
good luck