This is a weird situation. My fiance signed the birth certificates for his exgf's twins. He claims he's not the dad and kids don't look like him. She has since had another kid from a 2nd dad and pregnant with a 4th kid from a 3rd dad. She's a loser, my fiance admits that and claims to hate her. However, she continues to call him and he continues to talk to her. They talk on the phone about everything except the kids. I have asked him to quit talking to her unless it's about the kids. But, he continues talking to her. He said he thinks me and his ex are the ones with the problems. I believe it is an issue of lack of respect for me when he talks to her. I have an ex who is horrible and wants to maintain contact with me, but I don't maintain that contact because it's disrespectful to my finance. Am I so wrong in asking my fiance to quit talking to his ex girlfriend when he claims to hate the woman? Why would he maintain contact with someone so irresponsible? He says it's innocent.
2007-03-18 02:14:52 · 10 answers · asked by Heather M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I didn't even read the whole posting, I already know the answer. DO NOT WAIT FOR HIM TO CHANGE. You need to think about this as logical as you can okay. 10 years from now, do you see this changing? Have you thought about the fact that you AND YOUR CHILDREN, will NEVER come first. Those twins (even if they're not his, he signed saying he's the father) and they're mother WILL be a part of his life and you and your kids will fall a distant 2nd even though you're living under the same roof. Do you realize that that you'll have to schedule time to be with 'daddy' cause he might be with his other kids and their school activities?
You need to realize that a man with "luggage" is going to be one of those, 'crap or get off the pot' things. In other words, either accept it, or leave. I know you're thinking, "But I love him!" Well hon, you need to think with your head right now. Either you cry a little now, or cry A LOT later.
2007-03-18 02:24:33 · answer #1 · answered by me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow why would he maintain contact with someone so irreponsible? BECAUSE SHE IS THE MOTHER OF HIS KIDS. What I wonder is why he is marrying a woman so self-centered and controlling and cold.
Sorry but whatever happens to the twins mom will impact those kids so he may have to talk to her about more than the topics you approve of. Given that his kids mother is so irresponsible doesnt that mean he needs to keep in better contact with her MORE than he would if she were more responsible?
I dont get this signing a birth certificate and the calling the kids bastards to all the world. I mean he took on the responsiblity voluntarily, denying the kids to everyone else seems cruel to me. I mean imagine you were those poor twins. They didnt ask to have a irresponsible mother and an asshole of a dad.
You can be part of the solution or part of the problem. Maybe you can support him being the best father he can. I think a good start would be to ask him to stop calling his kids bastards and calling thier mom crazy. Maybe instead of being jealous you could all 3 sit down and figure out how you are going to make 2 great homes for these precious children.
Until both of you grow up, I think you need to postpone any wedding.
2007-03-18 02:46:12 · answer #2 · answered by CHELLE BELLE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An ex is an ex for a reason. but it still does not mean that he does not care for her- besides that I feel that if you have made your feelings clear to him about them staying in constant contact he should respect that and back off from her. And miss please watch yourself because now that he has signed the birth certificate he claims to be the dad and if this other women one day desides to take him to court for child support some money may be coming out your pocket too
after you get married.
It sounds crazy that he would even put his name on a birth certificate if he knows he is not the dad. I would try to do some further investigation into him and this ex.
take it one day at a time and follow your heart, not him. because you know that you will have to either accept him keeping in contact with this lady forever, especially that you gave him permission to speak about the kids. or if it deeply bothers you I would say not to get married right now
you are right to feel the way you do but you can't expect for him to feel the exact same way- because once upon a life time he may have had the same feelings for the ex that he now has for you. He may still care for her and all her kids
2007-03-18 02:37:08 · answer #3 · answered by shalirha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you already answered your question in your mind. Now you need to demand it from him or just leave..at least for a while and give him a gift.."The gift of missing you" get it?
If you dont want to leave, then just have your ex call and start talking to him and he should get the message..then leave...
He does not respect you any more than gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe..
your choice and the right choice might lend you a whole new better life..this one will never change it seems..read your own question again and pretend its your best friend writing it and asking you ...
good luck
2007-03-18 02:23:05 · answer #4 · answered by Gary G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lose the loser!!!!!!!!!!!!! while you still have a chance and is not in to him as deep as marriage! he is being disrespectful and has no concern for your feelings and should be let known with a swift kick in the you know what, right out the door. he is making excuses for something he should have left alone when he left it, but it seems he never left it!!! if you know what i mean. just walk away while you still can.......... why would anybody sign a dagon birth cert. when it is not your child or children? what a fruitloop!!!!!!! he does have problems.. and it sounds like the problem is with you, as horrible as that might sound. kick him to the curb. your questioning something that is obviousely bothering you and you have evry right to do that and it would be wrong for you to contenue to have a relationship with someone that has no respect for you what sooooooo ever. get out! Run Forrest Run!!!!
2007-03-18 02:34:28 · answer #5 · answered by sandra b 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that it is not right to keep such a close relationship with someone you were in a relationship with because it is never innocent when they talk on the phone all the time, something attracted them to each other in the first place and by maintaing such a close relationship that something might confuse them again. It will create nothing but problems. And i think that the fact that he does not care that it bothers you shows lack of respect. If he does not respect you, find someone who will.
2007-03-18 02:19:51 · answer #6 · answered by City-Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I reall feel for you hun!I know you probably already know this in your heart of hearts,but this guy seems to still have feelings for his ex.If he didn't he wouldn't be"hanging"on to that baggage and concentrating on you.Explain to him exactly how you feel about this...If his disreguards your feelings on this then it is certain,He still has strong feelings for her that he isn't willing to give up.If he really loves you he will listen and make changes for YOU and your relationship together.Hang in there and hope this helps.
~*~Pip~*~
2007-03-18 02:29:16 · answer #7 · answered by ♥~*~Pip~*~♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow thats a dillema. Well yes I think your entittled to ask your bf to cool it with this girl. Have a SERIOUS talk with him and lay it all out there. Good luck.
2007-03-18 02:20:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your right he shouldnt talk to her unnless it about their kids. your his fiance now not her so he should treat you like you deserve
2007-03-18 02:19:45 · answer #9 · answered by Trey E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
of course u have all the right to do that
2007-03-18 02:22:59 · answer #10 · answered by catroza 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋