She is scared of the labor time(in 2 months) and so am I...what can I tell her?

Question

R. (11-year-old,pregnant in 7th month now) lives with me for 2 months already,after her father had abused her sexually(for more info,read my other question).Her belly is getting really big and she is very scared of the time when the labor will come.She's 11 and the delivery will definitely be a torture for her but how can I tell her that?What can I tell her to comfort her?She already has great difficulties moving and I have to help her,she sometimes has painless contractions(the ones every pregnant woman has during the last 3 months).I'm 22 and I don't have children and look at R. as she is my daughter.How can I help her not to be scared and what can I tell her?The delivery is going to torture her so much,she can die and I know it,but what can I tell her?I'm scared about her either and I love her very much!
P.S. she can't have Caeserean birth(I won't explain why but she just can't)

Answer 1

I read your other question, and I am so glad you got her out of the house. This birth will be difficult for her, but all you can do is load her up with epidurals and hope to god everything goes alright.

Have you had her see a high risk pregnancy specialist? Have R. talk to the doctor. Sometimes doctors can cure fears better then you can since they have seen it all!

I know you are scared right now too, but think about all the children in the olden days that had babies at a young age. Although it is now very unusual, it is possible, and likely not to be as much torture as you assume. I think the more scared you act, the more she will feel that, and the worse she will feel. Try to keep positive... there is only a few months left!

Answer 2

I'd be looking into some form of childbirth classes to help her prepare. A lot of the fear she is having is probably coming from not really knowing what is going to happen. You can never know exactly as every birth is different but a class could give her the general outlines of what is to come. She'd know what's coming and what the medical profession can do that might help/hinder the process.

Most classes are done with a group of women in about the same stage of pregnancy. So she'd not only learn that the Braxton Hicks contractions she's having are normal but hear how other women are experiencing them.

If you pick the right class and are willing to be her labor support person you should be able to attend with her so you know what to do and can remind her of information when she needs it.

I highly recommend Bradley classes because of the amount of information they include and the emphasis they put on having a good labor support person. Even though they are mostly for people trying for unmedicated births, you can find a good instructor who will cover the most effective time to receive pain relief medication so that it has less of a chance of prolonging the labor.

But if that's not for you even a class run by the hospital where they only tell you what they prefer to do would be better than nothing.

Answer 3

I personally haven't known any young girls that have gone through a labor and delivery... so other than what I've "heard" I don't know how much I can help with excatly what to say... you seem to be on the right track tho, knowing that it's likely to be very difficult for her and wanting to be kind and helpful. My first thought is of course to talk with her doctor WITH her. I assume that she IS SEEING a HIGH RISK SPECIALIST?? If not, perhaps it's time to insist that her doctor send her to one. She's in a high risk catagory at her age, and not only are they the ones that can best take care of her during her pregnancy and delivery, but they're most likely to know what she can expect as they've probably delt with situations like this more often than your average ob/gyn has. My second thought, is try to find a support group for young mothers. Find her some comradary ... some other girls that have gone thru this at such a young age, and perhaps a therapist included in that group can talk with YOU AND HER together and explain not only what to expect, but get thru some of the fears.

Best wishes!

Answer 4

Tell her that if she thinks she will be hysterical, they can put her on a Demerol drip from the moment she gets to the hospital. Then she will have epidural and not feel a thing. The real pain will come when she's a baby trying to raise a baby. Good God. Has she been getting pre-natal care? A doc should have been explaining all this to her.

Answer 5

hmmm did you say she is 11 years old. ok i would sit down with her and talk about your experience in giving birth, how you felt and how much love you felt for her when she was born, tell her to keep focoused on the beautiful baby she is about to have, get her to practice her breathing with you, so that she wont freak out and lose control, you could try watching some birth videos with her so she knows what is going to happen there are some on you tube you can watch. tell her that she is a very special person and by having this baby she has to be very strong, she going to be a mother, tell her that you know that it is going to be hard for her but you will live threw it and it apart of life and that she is very lucky to even be able to have a baby.

Answer 6

Shes 11 years old and pregnant. Tell her exactly whats going to happen, she decided at 11 to have sex, so she is old enough to know that its going to hurt really bad. I woudn't cover up anything, she decided she was old enough to have sex, shes old enough to hear the truth.
I agree with the one above, everyone can have a caeserean birth, and that would probably be the best thing for her. They probably will do that to her, cause at 11 she can get seriously hurt giving birth.

Answer 7

Ok, since I am very pro-choice I can say this WHO THE HECK IS LETTING THIS 11 YEAR OLD HAVE THIS BABY.

WAS THERE NOT A WAY FOR HER TO NOT HAVE IT.!!!

OH MY GOD!!!

Ok with tht said. WHY is she not in counsling to help her through all of this.?

Tell her about all the drugs they will give her to take away ALL the pain. Tell her once they give her the drugs that will take away ALL the pain she will feel NOTHING..!!

Is there not a way for her to have C-section.?

Answer 8

First off she CAN hace caeserean delivery anyone can. God some ppl and their questions just to get attention on the internet

Answer 9

women have been doing this for HOW MANY years now?
it's a natural thing. yes, it will hurt; but what's worth having that's not worth the suffering?
stop allowing her to be a drama queen (if she is one. most 11 year olds are).
take her to learn meditation techniques.

my grandmothers' first child (my dad) was born in a bean field. his umbellical chord was cut by my granfathers' pocket knife. they cleaned out his mouth and he went to the breast and gramma kept picking.

Answer 10

stop trying to verbally soothe her and just plain ol be there with her holding her hand or hugging her when she is frightened or when she is in pain