It seems like when ever I start to get close intimently I start pushing them away and do the best I can to stop the relationship. The longest relationship I have ever had was with someone who wanted to wait until marriage so we never had sex. I've been single now for the past 2 year and have not gone on a single date in over a year I finally met this nice woman we went out on a couple dates then we had sex and after an entire night and most of the next day having sex then she finally had to go and we started talking and decided that we had to many differences and we should just remain friends but that isn't really how she felt or in a way how I felt. All I had to do was tell her I wanted her to stay and that we could work things out and she would have stayed. There was only two things that bothered me about her I mean she was like my ideal woman and I pushed her away this doesn't happen when I don't get initmate with someone why do I push them away?
2007-03-17 23:09:45 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
ok to make a couple of comments about what I've read so far. Although most people seem to sleep around with every one I don't I've only slept with three woman and of those three woman I talk to none any more and ended the relationship after sex. Wether we had been on two dates or twenty. I try the whole become friends first approach but that never works after becoming friends the woman uses the age old excuse I just like you as a friend the only time I have any luck is when I straight forwardly ask them out make my interest known.
2007-03-17 23:29:15 · update #1
My first guess would be, judging by statistics, is that you're having abandonment issues. At some point in your life, you've either had someone very close to you leave, for whatever reason, or someone like a father figure or mother figure was never present. You're afraid to get close to anyone because they might leave you, so you jump the gun and leave them first, before they have the chance to leave you. My suggestion is to seek some counseling. If you are completely opposed to that route, take baby steps to correct this behavior that you apparently don't like about yourself. Let the relationship go for a little bit longer each time and by this I don't mean before you have sex, but before you choose to leave them. Practice makes perfect, even in relationships.
That's my two cents for ya.
2007-03-17 23:21:16 · answer #1 · answered by dontsmokecrackorshootthatsmack 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, don't worry; it happens to the best of us.
For some reason, you may not be ready for intimacy right now. I don't know whether this is because of anything that has happened to you in the past or if this is the product of something you have observed in your parents or what, but at least be aware of the different forces that have shaped your current state.
When you are aware of these forces, you can catch yourself whenever you find yourself acting in accordance with them. It won't be easy in the beginning, it's something you discipline yourself into doing since you're going against your tendencies.
Also, when you are aware of them these are things you can talk about with your potential mate, so at least she will understand what you are going through, and will not perceive you as "distant" or haughty. Try this out if it works for you.
2007-03-17 23:29:37 · answer #2 · answered by em 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, why can't you wait a month or so before having sex with someone you are dating? It seems to me people should get to know each other FIRST. It's like once people stop and actually take a look at each other they don't like what they see. And I'm not talking about physically. I mean you knew nothing about her, you got the goods so it was time to move on. Sounds like an age old story to me. Only you can break your own habit.
2007-03-17 23:17:26 · answer #3 · answered by Im Listening 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I do the same thing, but I pull them back. Making sure to never let them in to close. It has a lot to do with insecurities and fears. You need to get in touch with yourself. I got involved with a 12 step program that showed me a better way to live through self exploration and facing fears. Grab on to spirituality or something that gives you a meaningful purpose and examine your soul. Your short comings and your attributes.
2007-03-17 23:25:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps you should try to get to know the woman first, become good friends, do not hurry, as you may have a fear of being rejected...Or perhaps it is hard for you to commit. Men nowadays have this problem, they have " the perfect woman" in their minds and they have problems accepting that the "perfect woman" is not real...Everybody has flaws, weak spots and problems...You must get to know somebody first as a friend and learn to trust that person...It is hard and we all fail sometimes at this test of life...Keep hoping and trying.
2007-03-17 23:23:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's start with what you're afraid will happen if you *don't* push someone away.
Just think it over. What's the worst that will happen?
2007-03-17 23:20:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Afraid of Commitment, or rejection
2007-03-17 23:12:57 · answer #7 · answered by dreemz07 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have the wombat syndrome .
A wombat eats roots and leaves.
2007-03-17 23:20:01 · answer #8 · answered by burning brightly 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋