Ive found out a couple of months ago that my bf has been looking at other girls naked on the internet, hes registered for the sex and swinger sites, i've confronted him about it but he tells me that hes just having fun and that I should not be worried. He's told me that he will stop but just recently I have found that that he is still doing it and has gotten new email addresses so I will not find out but the difference this time is that he has given out his phone number to someone now. He tells me that I still shouldn't worry that he is with me, but how can I trust him now when he has told me before that he would stop. What I am suppose to do? Should I stay with him or should I leave him? We have been going out for a year, we meet eachother online, I think that is why I'm afraid of him finding someone else on the internet.
2007-03-17 22:32:49 · 15 answers · asked by Lost in a Relationship 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
First, looking at naked girls on the Internet is normal behavior for 99% of males with Internet access. The other 1% look at them in magazines. That in of itself is not a concern.
What is a concern is he is creating profiles on sex and swinger's sites. This means he's looking for more excitement then what he is receiving in your relationship. It's for one of two reasons:
1) You and him are not into the same things sexually.
2) You may be into the same things sexually but he's afraid to approach you with those things for fear of being rejected by you. He's worried that if you are not into it you'll think he's a kink and a deviant and shun him.
Instead of just telling him to stop looking at these sites, ask him why he is. Be open to him, not judgmental, and let him know you want to fulfill any fantasy for him that you are comfortable with, and even if it isn't something you'd do right now, you want to know what he is thinking and won't think he's weird for thinking it.
You may be surprised at his answers. He's looking for acceptance and he doesn't feel he can get that from you. It's easier to get it from those he has no emotional interested vested in. If he feels comfortable being honest with you about his sexual fantasies it will go a long way toward strengthening your relationship with him. Think about it, even if you are not willing to try some things, him just knowing you're open to listening to him will go miles and miles with him.
Most of all, don't be judgmental and accusational toward him. It will get you nowhere.
Lastly, I don't know about him finding a single woman on a sex site to live-out his fantasies with, but he'll have a very hard time finding a couple on a swinger's site to get with. Swingers will tell you that swinging is not about cheating, it's about 100% honestly with each other, and they will not help a guy cheat on his girlfriend or wife for the very same reason.
Many single men (or attached men pretending to be single to cheat on their partner) find out pretty quickly that getting in with swinger couples is not as easy as they would imagine. Unlike their perception of swingers, it's not a 24/7 orgy and they are not just lining-up to have sex with the next guy that comes along. Like I said above, swingers don't condone cheating and therefore won't help someone cheat. Second, there are more "single" men looking for couples then there are couples looking for single men. And these couples are not looking for them all the time. Maybe a couple of times a year at most.
So don't worry about that angle... he won't get very far with swingers.
2007-03-18 08:40:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
well u met him on -line....he sounds like he's not ready 2 give u up. but he likes the ladies he meet on-line. pain is something that u live with! from the day Ur born till the day god calls u! r u worried but him dumping u 1st? or him not being faithful? i think u need 2 sit down and think about what u want out of this relationship, then sit down with him and b clear about what u want. if he Lie's just means's he's not ready 2 let go,and it's Ur choose. u cant change him. he happy with what he do!
2007-03-17 22:53:02 · answer #2 · answered by sitting_in_th3_cut 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, it's simple, if you don't have enough trust to believe what he says, or what he says doesn't make sense to you, leave him.
Get your own place, give him the space he NEEDS to decide if you are the right one for him or not. Obviously he hasn't committed to you as fully as you want or expect. Don't wait, no second chances, just MOVE. You can reconcile later if that's what you want.
If you are staying with him for any other reason than love....then he may feel you are trapped (like you don't have any money), so you'd better get out of the trap.
2007-03-17 22:39:19 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Leave him...what it will be the next thing? asking you to sleep with his new online friend and him ? On this case, i would not even can or talk to him, i would breakup by sending him an e-mail. If it started online...finish it online too. Let him feel the heat. He disrespect you, makes him feel how special he is.
2007-03-17 22:44:39 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You already know the answer, or else you wouldn't even be asking the question. Hasta la vista baby! He crossed the line when he started giving out his phone number.
2007-03-17 22:44:28 · answer #5 · answered by love_um_or_leave_um 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well common sense should answer that. He's already lied to you 2xs. he still doing it. he's gave out hie phone number. Gee i don't know let me think? What does that tell you?Leave him. because if you get married, he may continue, after that. use some common sense women.
2007-03-18 04:38:40 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you waiting for???? dump him already before you get in deeper. You know how you feel and deep down you also know whats the right thing to do. What else do you need to know? he has obviously lied to you (there is no excuse for that) and wont accept he is wrong. DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIIIIIIIIM
2007-03-17 22:43:54 · answer #7 · answered by nyenelra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two can play that game girl. Jump online and hand your number along with your email to other guys and with a big glee let him see it. Your perverted bf might then get the hint of how he's hurting you.
2007-03-17 22:41:10 · answer #8 · answered by llldeliciously_kissablelll 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
so i think u should ask him 4 a swear or a promise..if he still do that ,just leave him and never give chance or u'll be hurt!
2007-03-17 23:15:21 · answer #9 · answered by gurlgurl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't control what he does on the computer. The more you try the more "controlling" you will be to him. Doesn't sound like he is very serious about you. Lose him!
2007-03-17 22:37:59 · answer #10 · answered by drew 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋