Do you think its wrong to want to be a young mother?

Question

I am going to be 19 in september..my boyfriend and i have been together for almost 2 years and have know eachother for 6 so we are very very close..friends before the relationship..we plan on getting married in 2 or 3 years...but the both of us have agreed that we would like to have a baby first...i know its not that usual way of going about it but we both are very excited to have a baby...do you think we should start at the end of this year or wait....we have just moved into a very nice apartment...we both have very reliable well paying jobs..please let me know what you think about this...

Answer 1

Hi Very Nervous...Being a mother myself of a daughter, now the age of 27 with 4 beautiful children, raised very well mind you, I have to say it's been hard for my daughter, but as her mother, I have been very proud of her. She was 17 when she had her first child. I had my doubts due to her age but you know, age isn't the issue here. It's your maturity as well as your mate's maturity. I don't see a problem if the both of you are financially secured, have living arrangements that are appropriate and you are capable of raising a child mentally. Morally speaking you should wait till you are married but this is what "society" wants you to do. There are many "pros" and "cons" on having children these days. Economy is one factor. But if the two of you have good jobs then you are "ok" in this catagory. If you have some doubts yourself then I would say "no" and wait another year or two. If you have been together this long then you must have a strong relationship to where another yr. or two shouldn't matter to have a child. Just remember that once you have a child your "life" as you know it now will change dramatically. You won't be able to do the things that you do now after you have a baby. A child takes alot of time, love and patience and money so really think about it before just "jumping" in. You and your BF could sit down and both of you get a sheet of paper and a pen and write down the "pros" and "cons" on having a baby now. If you have more "cons" than "pros" then I would definitely wait another yr. maybe two, to have a baby. If you have more "pros" then the two of you should really think to yourself on how your life will change if you decide to have a baby now. You must look into the future and think to yourself about the "ifs" on what could happen if you really aren't ready. My daughter's BF left her with her children to raise by herself but she had me to turn to for help. I was there for her, and I have no regrets. I'm very proud of my daughter. Just think about it. Don't rush into anything if you are not sure. Take care and I wish you well on your decision.

Answer 2

My cousin got engaged at 17, married at 18, and is now 6 weeks pregnant at 19. She is mature for her age and very capable of handling a child. She will be done with college before the baby comes and have a well paying job and her hub is in the navy, so financially things are good too. What you need to ask yourself is what really is going to be better for the child once it gets here. I would suggest getting married first. Becuase even if you plan on getting married in 2-3 yrs things can change and you just never know. I myself have always wanted to have kids young. I am 23 and hope to be getting pregnant soon (if not already), but again I am married and we both have steady jobs and are ready. I wouldn't suggest it unless you are absolutely ready and capable.

Answer 3

I think you should definetly try living with one another for AT LEAST year before having a baby.
ONE- it is EXTREMLY different being with someone when your living with them, rather than dating.
TWO- you want to make sure you both have enough money for ALL the baby needs, ALL your needs, and ALL of your bills.
I also think you should wait to be married and do things couples do when married. Once you have a baby EVERYTHING changes and you won't have alot of alone time until they are very well grown... 5-8 years of age. My mom just had a baby and I'm 20. I take care of her half of the time and my mother the other half literally. I have a boy-friend also but we don't live with one another. I am often taking my sister to the mall, doctor appointments, movies, etc.. My boy-friend and I also don't get too much time alone as well... Unless I yell at my mom, lol. But you won't have the option to just say... okay mom I have had enough. I am like you. I got the mother instinct/gene really early. I want a baby more than anything [When i miss my period at times, i hope im pregnant....ha] and I am VERY grateful my mother had my sister to fill my needs. But, i would not have a baby now. I can't afford it and I want to do sooo much with the love of my life.. I honestly think you both should reconsider and take things slow... One step at a time. Cause once it's out, well.... theres no way of it going back in.

Answer 4

OOOOHHHH boy!!! I hear you Girlfriend!! I got married at 19 and wanted to have a baby right away!! Drove my hubby nuts. I did get pregnant twice but miscarried. Finally had my first son at 25. I am now 39 with 4 kids ages 8-13. I am ssssooooo glad I didn't have a baby at 19!!! Its a lot more work emotionally and physically then you can EVER imagine!! Give yourself another year. If you still feel strongly about it..then go for it. You are still young!!! and good heavens on earth why are you waiting to get married?? If you are committed enough to have a baby then you should be committed enough to get married BEFORE the baby comes.

Answer 5

Nothing wrong with being a young mother.

Lots wrong with being an ill-educated mother, though. Finish university or college first. Same for the father.

"According to Loignon (1996), teenage mothers often face the following consequences: social isolation, poor life habits, low education level, maltreatment, stress, and depression. Likewise, studies in Canada and the United States have shown that young mothers are at greater risk of leaving school or attaining a lower level of education, and therefore reaching professional dead-ends or missing out on job opportunities; these factors increase the likelihood of using employment insurance benefits (Tipper 1997). Although some teenage mothers can receive help from their family and those close to them, the scene is not particularly bright."

And, get married first:

"What little literature exists on teenage fatherhood paints a similarly bleak picture of young fathers. Among others, Des Rosiers-Lampe and Frappier (1981) demonstrate that teenage fathers do not involve themselves very deeply in their new role, which may seem too onerous (Cardinal Remete 1999). Furthermore, the young man often leaves the child’s mother during pregnancy or during the two years after birth (Loignon 1996)."

http://www.msss.gouv.qc.ca/en/sujets/prob_sociaux/teenage_pregnancy.php

Answer 6

I know my present wife since I was 15. Not married until we were 28. I have my first kid at the age of 29 and second one at 33.
Believe me, it will be a lot of hard work both physically and emotionally. When the kids grow up, all the upbringing cost increase too. Medical, education and a lot of other stuffs. At one point, I have to work 16 hours a day to earn enough for them. I am not complaining here. I have to admit that when you see your kids growing up happily and healthy, you will feel all the effort is worthwhile.

I will suggest get married first and wait for 2 or 3 years before you having a baby. No offense, you will need to have stable marriage to provide your children to grow happily and healthy.

Answer 7

Wait. Whats the hurry? Use this time to do things. Go to poland. ride a bike alongside the missippi river. Go kayaking in alaska. You can't do these thing with a baby and you'll never get the chance for the the next 25 years then you'll not be able to. Enjoy life, mature a little more, Kids will still be there for you.

Answer 8

If you love him and he loves you then go for it. You both know what you want and if he wants this baby just as much as you then good luck.

Ive been with my fiance since i was 16 (21 now), we had our first when i was 17, i still went to college, we moved in together and are happy as we are, we will get married but its not a major thing which has to be done. I'm now 3 months pregnant with our second.

Answer 9

I would suggest waiting. A baby completely changes your life and your relationship. You go from focusing on each other to focusing on the baby.

It can be very trying on a young couple.

Answer 10

Sweetie,

You can listen to all of us, but the truth is, the only person who knows if you're ready or not is you. So don't rely on people who don't know you, and listen to your heart. If you think you're ready, then do it. But, do yourself a favor girl, if you have a baby and you two aren't married yet, get his name on that birth certificate and child support set up just in case.