Before my sister-in-law got married last summer, I wanted so badly to tell her fiance just what he was about to get himself into... but, I knew he would never believe me, and it would have just started a fight in the family, blah, blah, blah... So I kept my mouth shut. Now, I get to watch her treat him like crap, and part of me feels guilty for not trying to talk him out of it (he is such a nice guy.) I'm pretty sure he would have married her no matter what, so it probably doesn't make much difference anyway.
But, my question is, what would YOU do in a similar situation?
2007-03-17 20:49:28 · 26 answers · asked by mloraine76 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
My brother in law just got married about a week ago now...and often times I'd wanted to tell his new wife what she would be getting into when they got engaged
But like you said...you know they won't believe you anyhow so what difference would it make, other than making you look like a fool and having them treat you differently because of it
Now he's married...and it turned out just like I thought it would...only alot sooner than I thought it would, gee what ever happened to being fake and happy and good to eachother in your first few months of being married!!!
2007-03-17 20:54:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Depends on the gender.
If it's a guy friend, I would definitely advise him and steer him away from the girl.
If it was a lady friend, I would stay out of it! I'll leave that task up to her female friends. Otherwise, I'd be lumped into one of these two categories:
1. Creepy perv
2. Stupid nice guy
Trust me. I know how women's minds work in this matter. They DO NOT want advice unless they specifically ask for it. Even if a lady asked me for advice, I would ask her to sign a document stating that she indeed wanted advice.
In general though, this rule always stands. It's much easier to advice men. Men are less stubborn and willing to listen to advice. Women, once their mind is made up, will NOT change it. This isn't sexist, this is pure honest fact.
2007-03-18 03:55:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. My best friend since childhood like my sister got together with this fella who my husband and I matched her up with...seemed perfect and so nice. As their relationship progressed and deepened it seems that this guy was just amazing. Picnics, walks, cards, etc. Anyhoo after about 10 months they got engaged and during the course of the months they were wedding planning his true colors came out. He would boss her, demean her, he even got kinda crazy with her mom the first weekend he met her family. He didn't really have a plan for their new life after the wedding and told her they would be living with his parents for about 6 months to 1 year (which turned out to be closer to 3 years). But before they got married I could see that she was stressed and not looking forward to living with his parents (his mom was the nosey and opinionated type). So about 1 month before the wedding I took her for coffee and asked her if she had any doubts and she said yes. I encouraged her that if she did she should not be afraid to postpone the wedding. It's better to be certain that's what she wanted vs. disappointing the families and being afraid of him. Well she agreed with me but got married anyway. I think that she told him about our chat so naturally there was a bit of tension. He had the nerve to tell me at their wedding reception out of nowhere that she was 'his best friend now'. I know psycho right? Well it's been almost 4 years since they got married and they've been living on their own for a little over a year and I only talk to her about 3 times a year if that and when we do talk I do the initiation of calling. I don't think he likes for her to talk to anyone barely even her family. In times that we've spoken she complains of how lazy he is playing video games all the time, he checks other chicks out in front of her, he is selfish in their sex life. She just doesn't have anything positive to report about the marriage. I encourage her to go to marriage counseling to tell him these things. But she's scared of change. My heart is broken but what can I do? She made the decision to marry him despite her doubts. I can only be here for her later if it falls apart.
Wow that feels good expressing this. Thanks.
2007-03-18 03:51:33 · answer #3 · answered by Your Mom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did Exactly the Right thing
If you would have told Him and He told Her where would
you be now?
They would have been in the Same Situation as they are
now but with the Added resentment towards you
Like You, I would have answered Yes too
But as its so Close Family being your Sister and you're Brother in Law you were right it holding Back and don't
let anyone tell you otherwise
2007-03-18 04:00:58 · answer #4 · answered by uksawatdii 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the person who will marry the jerk is close to me. I will tell him/her that she/he is making a mistake. I will do this if I'm sure that person would interpret this advice as a show of concern. But I may not if I'm in your case because the guy and I are not that close and he might misinterpret my comment.
2007-03-18 04:10:44 · answer #5 · answered by moohlan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if I were you I probably would have told him..but like you said that he would not have listened to you anyway...so all you can do is watch no matter how much it hurts you...and dont feel guilty about because whether you would have told him or not he still would be with her.
2007-03-18 03:54:25 · answer #6 · answered by altoidsgumlover 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would do the same thing you did! You're right he wouldn't have believed you anyways and it would have caused a lot of trouble and everyone would have blamed you. He should have paid more attention to someone he was about to commit his life to.You are not to blame for his lack of responsibility to himself!
2007-03-18 03:55:22 · answer #7 · answered by Jo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I did tell my sister this....
She Married him anyway...against EVERYONE'S better advice....
8 yrs & 4 kids later...he is still an *sshole...but they are still together....& for the most part...she sounds happy....or she is REALLY good at faking it...
I do know..she has learned to dish out as much as she has taken from him.....
2007-03-18 03:52:52 · answer #8 · answered by mysticfairy74 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would hope so. Someone I trusted told me to marry someone he knew was violent and didn't even mention it. It took 13 years to free myself from that (safely.)
I wouldn't want anyone else to suffer the way I did.
2007-03-18 03:56:25 · answer #9 · answered by Jeanne B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very smart move on your part, most people would stick there nose into somewhere it doesn't belong and all hell breaks lose. I would have done the same thing. he's a big boy he will take care of it.
2007-03-18 03:58:51 · answer #10 · answered by elmer b 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋