him, and he missed a few payments, there was a court date set for him that he didnt know about, so a bench warrant was set. Finding this out, he contacts a lawyer, who lifted all charges against him, and re schelduled the court date. He was put on probation, and had to pay a certain amount each week. In two months he was to re appear in court. He did, and everything is squared away..oh so we thought. Today we had a pretty heated fight, i guess we were loud, because the neighbors called the cops. when the came, they seen everything was fine, but still had to run our names in..and guess what? he had a bench warrant our for his arrest! the charges were never lifted. So i get on the phone asap, and called my friend who was lawyer, and he said there was nothing he could do because the bond was all ready for 5000, and they were keeping him until mon. I found his lawyer, went back and forth, and now he's released by 6am, i think he is going to blame me for his arrest, i feel bad,,,should i?
2007-03-17 20:44:40 · 15 answers · asked by trudywannabe 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No! It is not your fault! I know no one is faultless, but his mistakes and health problems are NOT YOUR FAULT. I'm trying not to read between the lines too much, but there's really plenty there without inferring more. Go somewhere safe, a shelter if you have to. Take advantage of the time he's away to get as far removed from him&his life as you can. Whatever happens with your pregnancy, you are more vulnerable now even than usual. YOU ARE WORTH CARE& SAFETY&HEALTH&PEACE&JOY&LOVE& did I mention SAFETY. I pray right now that the Lord of Hosts surrounds you with more peace and protection than you ever in your life dreamed possible&that you see the evidence of His power and LOVE everywhere you turn from here on out. You are not alone. There is One who is always listening, and you are more precious to Him than all the wealth that ever was in the world combined. Call Him,&He will come.
2007-03-17 21:23:46 · answer #1 · answered by zionsdaughter 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you should not feel bad. Had he not missed his payments like he was court order then there would not have ever been a bench warrant. Straight forward and truthful, it is his problem to pay for his two kids, not yours.
Be careful here! Alot of men like this will use any avenue they can to make excuses or just pass blame. You better make it so clear to him that the entire event was because of his efforts and a lack there of. It was his efforts to "knock up" the mother and his lack of efforts to pay for his pleasures which landed him some time.
Lastly, sounds like you need a new man. Take the time now while he is out to go "fishing" for something bigger and better. After all, do want to be in court trying to get your child support out of this guy?
2007-03-18 03:52:26 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I think you should run for the hills.
Ask yourself why you're settling for someone who's unable to care for his responsibility (his children). I find it hard to believe he didn't know about a court date. They won't just go to court without notifying someone.
If you're arguing and fighting bad enough that the cops are being called out, why don't you move on.
You could get a great guy who has a steady job, no children (or responsible enough to care for the ones he has), and never have to deal with calling him up a lawyer.
That just seems like a rough life for someone (you) who doesn't have to go through it since he's not your husband. Don't make your life harder than it has to be, you could be missing out on a great guy.
Right now, your boyfriend needs to be focused on getting current with paying for those children, instead of a relationship. While you're concerned about getting him out of trouble, what kind of trouble has his irresponsibility caused his children or their mother? You are NOT his mother, nor are you responsible for his arrest.
AGAIN, women I ask....are you not worth more than a man like this?
2007-03-18 03:50:35 · answer #3 · answered by mycountryfamily 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I do not know why he should blame you for his arrest. He was arrested because he had a warrant out - that is not your fault. You should definitely not feel bad - unless you are responsible for him missing the child support payments.
2007-03-18 03:48:30 · answer #4 · answered by Susan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you did everything you could to help him. He was the one who got in a jam to begin with and you did everything you could to help him out of it. You had nothing to do with the bench warrant not being lifted.
2007-03-18 03:53:07 · answer #5 · answered by don n 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The system is designed to snag people. Prosecutors, probation officers, social workers and judges are often quite rabid.
I don't think you should blame your self.
Next time don't open the door if the police come, I don't think you have to.
2007-03-18 03:51:30 · answer #6 · answered by Ron H 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
A man that doesn't remember to pay for his children is no man. You are not the cause of his not initially paying for his child support. I would dump him if I were you and seek therapy on why you would be with such an irresponsible individual.
2007-03-18 03:50:07 · answer #7 · answered by DVS1hmm 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I dont think you should feel bad. You did not call the cops on him, the neighbors did. Plus he got himself in the situation.
2007-03-18 03:49:50 · answer #8 · answered by Makaveli daRule 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is to blame to begin with...if he would have made the child support payments there wouldn't be any reason to arrest him.
2007-03-18 04:23:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
no you shouldn't feel bad, had he paid his child support like he was supposed to, he wouldn't have went to jail. i say run away as fast as you can. i know you probably love him, but if he isn't willing to pay for his children, what do you think will happen if yous have a child together?
2007-03-18 09:23:07 · answer #10 · answered by jdchick48 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋