Help Im Stuck?

Question

I pulled this bird last night and she tied me up. I've managed to turn my laptop on and type this message with my tongue. HAs anyone got any ideas how i can safely remove this strangely large pool of jib from my keyboard using only house hold items but without the added benefit of limbs.

Answer 1

Snort it.

Answer 2

Obviously, your hands are tied behind your back, but I'll assume your feet are tied as well and you can only use your tongue.

First and foremost, use your forehead and hair to clean up the keyboard as it is one of your only lifelines and you don't want the keys to be stuck or you might only be able to type messages using only the right side of the keyboard.

Next, propel yourself by whatever method you are able (possibly walking) to the kitchen and prepare a salad using these ingredients: sliced black olives, a can of mandarin oranges (peeled, in their own juice), baby spinach, diced red onion, and a mustard vinagrette. Make sure to wait to toss the salad until you're ready to eat.

Then, turn on the television to the local news. Sit down for no more than 15 minutes and fret at the state of the world where people can do that kind of stuff to each other but make sure you don't see the "feel good" news story about the boy who donates a kidney to himself to save his life.

After the 15 minutes are up, use the anger and disgust you developed from watching the news to focus your mind on learning yoga to relieve stress. Practice the lotus position a lot.

Once you are flexible enough, do that thing where you can pull your hands up and around your feet to bring them in front of you. If you can't yet do that, then use your flexibility to get as close to your own bum as possible and try to kiss it goodbye.

Answer 3

Using an absorbent cloth?

Answer 4

it will evaporate while you are chewing off one of your limbs so you can be waiting for her to return and tie her up!

Answer 5

I think she should have gagged you too, perhaps hogtied you so you couldn't move.