If my wife were ever to cheat on me (tho I know she wont, and vice - verca), its over. The end. Im taking our boy and going. I didnt get married and swear vows for nothing. A lot of people seem to think forgiveness or "counselling" are in order - Im afraid its the end - if my partner were to share herself with someone else - Gone, Over. Does anyone feel the same? Or does marriage mean nothing anymore?
2007-03-17 20:17:35 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Im talking about cheating while married ppl!
2007-03-17 20:24:42 · update #1
I feel the exact same way. I wouldn't be able to even look at my spouse much less be in a relationship. I am all about honor, faithfulness, and truthfulness, and i could never forgive for someone for such an offense no matter how long i had been with them, heck that would make me even madder, cause then they should be even more loyal.
2007-03-17 20:21:41 · answer #1 · answered by derangdlilmonkey 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Amen brother!!!
My wife and I fight about this all the time.
She thinks any relationship can still work after an infidelity as long as it only happens once.
So I always say, "So we are each aloud to sleep with one other person then?"
Meaning behind her logic:
She wants things said that we can work things out,
~NO MATTER WHAT~ .
Yes, how romantic: Anyway
I know her very well, the first thing she would do is have revenge sex. She half admits it and then explains but I would still love you and want to pursue a relationship.
So, with that being said it would be hard to that to her in the first place and I think that is the point of saying so.
Personally, if she cheated on me. It would be a question of the mind and the hart.
Mind:
I'm a germ Phoebe. I would be too disgusted to touch her again.
Hart:
The hart would miss the good times, but would also have an overwhelming desire to be free.
The only slack that I would cut is counseling. Doesn't mean that I'm going to stick it out, but it does mean we are going to resolve our feelings the right way.
In short:
I do believe that it should end if I cheat or if she cheats, however, I would want counseling involved indefinitely.
2007-03-18 04:28:17 · answer #2 · answered by Eyerish 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My husband has cheated on me. He has been having an affair for 16 month's. I found out only 2 month's ago. We have been together for 13 years years but only married for 5 years. We have two children 7 and 5. I am in two minds as to what I want. It is so difficult to just stop loving someone that I have loved so deeply for so long. I did ask him to leave. But he is back now. Still don't know if I want it to last. I personally am seeing a counsellor and so is he but no actuall marriage counselling yet. In the begining all I wanted was to have him and forget it all happened. But my attitude is definetly changing. So am i weak and pathetic for not forcing it to be over staight away? Probably most will think that. But right now this works for me. And I guess everyone is differant and handles these situations differently. I am really glad you are in a beautiful relationship. But no one truely knows how they will react until it happens.
2007-03-18 20:06:24 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree. Children or no children, cheating is wrong. Why teach the kids that it's OK to cheat on their momma (daddy), because momma (daddy) will take them back anyway? Besides, it's a matter of trust. The one cheated on will always second guess the cheater if they are ever late coming home from work, or take too long to do the grocery shopping, etc. I'm not saying it can't happen, but once lost, trust is near impossible to regain.
2007-03-18 03:35:41 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The vows do include "for better or worse", and some times for different reasons for all, things happen. So, it really depends on the situation and the person's spouse as to if forgiveness can be done. Love is a four letter word that can also cause another four letter word Hell in some relationships. So, don't be so quick to say what you will & won't do, because you may get tested over time.
2007-03-18 03:26:55 · answer #5 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
you all say that you would leave but it depends on the level of infidelity such as emotional cheating is different than physical cheating...i can see where the physical would not be tolerated however the emotional maybe is easier to forget notice i didnt' say forgive..it hardens you for sure and makes you tough a little harder to communicate ur feelings a brick wall around you ur defenses up ...sometimes when people love on another and they have kids they stick it out for whatever reason comfort love money sacrifice who knows..cheating is not right and it hurts but its more about ego on the cheaters behalf ...men want a relationship to feel needed women want the emotions...its a crazy world out there and really its not right to deceive and lie..."everything you do in the dark, comes out in the light"
2007-03-18 03:35:19 · answer #6 · answered by ♥queen b♥ 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
That's a really good question. I am one of those people you are talking about. A lot of the time, people really do want to get out, but feel they can't, because of lack of support, lack of housing, lack of financial support etc. Also, it beats your self esteem to a pulp, and makes you think you can't do any better. You also hold onto the hope that they might change, too - but we all know they usually don't. Fortunately, I am getting back on my feet again. I've handed my husband the divorce papers, and I'll be out soon. Anyway, that's my side of the story. Kind regards, Penny xx
2007-03-18 03:43:14 · answer #7 · answered by Vanessa 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Lots of people feel they are morally obligated to forgive, and they try, with varying degrees of success.
Marriage can appear to mean nothing to a cheating spouse, but it can also appear to mean nothing to a spouse who is in it only "for better" OR ELSE, and totally rejects "for worse" and is not prepared to attempt to deal with it.
I doubt that it is ever that simple, and all marriages are different, so let's hope we never have to find out what we actually would do!
2007-03-18 03:40:49 · answer #8 · answered by and_y_knot 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I totally think that cheating is an awful thing, and the person who commits the act should be kicked to the curb no matter what reason they did it, some people are just weak dont wanna be alone and dont wanna face the facts so counseling and that stuff they do and they will never be happy because you will always know that they were unfaithful, and that marriage will never be the same....
2007-03-18 03:23:09 · answer #9 · answered by Artsy-Fartsy-Momma 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
you must be perfect and she must be perfect... there are very few out there that are.
I do not feel that all people are capable of this, and as a result people get divorced, which I do not believe in.
I am married and I feel even if my husband cheated on me, that does not change the fact that I love him.
That might make me a fool for wanting to work things out, but you took you vow "for better or for worse," I know I did.
I am a strong believer in trying to make it work regardless, but yes you do have a point, but people are only human as well.
2007-03-18 03:48:57 · answer #10 · answered by love for art 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋