Dating a man for 10 months who's never been in love but has said that he cares about and adores me. He's tried in past relationships to force this feeling and has learned this doesn't work. He's the most upfront, honest man I've ever dated, and I'm love with him. I'm frustrated that he doesn't feel the same way.
2007-03-17 18:21:52 · 20 answers · asked by SPUNKY31 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
This is a long distance relationship and we've talked about our feelings. He feels bad that he doesn't feel this way yet. We rarely argue, but if we do, it's about this.
2007-03-17 19:11:41 · update #1
Just because he can't say it doesn't mean he doesn't feel it. Besides, you don't have to say "I love you" for it to be a good relationship - the words don't prove anything. Deeds and actions mean much, much more.
Don't depend on someone else to feel good about yourself or the relationship. Ask yourself if he is a "Yes" to life and to you -- I mean, do you feel good with him? Are you enriched by being with him? Does he make efforts to be with you, and to do the things that make you happy? Do you have a positive sense of who you are and how your life is going when you're with him? Do you two have fun with each other and respect each other? Or do you fight a lot and try to please him yet he's never satisfied? These are more important questions than "when will he say he loves me?" One thing guys really don't like is a woman who is needy and expecting him to fulfill something that's missing inside her. And being that needy is a very unhappy way to live.
Ten months is not that long. Be strong and assess the relationship more practically (using questions such as above) rather than expecting things to go like they do in storybooks and movies or from an idea of what it's "supposed to" be like. In many cultures, couples don't rely on the phrase "I love you" to feel validated about their relationship, yet the feeling is definitely there.
2007-03-17 19:07:05 · answer #1 · answered by geoxena 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know he is a man but maybe try sitting down and talking with him. Maybe a heart to heart is what he needs to figure out how he truly feels. If after this he has a troubled time telling you he loves you, after this long of a relationship it is time to let it go. Something is not right. And if he is such an upfront man and he hasn't told you he loves you then he doesn't. This is a bad situation and it will be so hard to let him go, but it is the best thing that you can do for your self. And in the long run you will see that it is. I'm sorry your going through this. I wish you the best!
2007-03-18 01:32:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think the best thing you can do is ask him if he loves you and if wants to have a future with you. He seems to be type who is cautious because he had too many experiences of putting so much effort in and being crushed becuase he did and did get hurt. You might feel frustrated right now but the best thing you can do is take 20 mintues and talk to your boyfriend how you feel about this relationship. Its silly to just wait for him to say it. If you wanna know something, ask him.
2007-03-18 01:39:10 · answer #3 · answered by whiteaspiration 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Oh, yeah, that's a good way to encourage someone... make them feel bad for not reciprocating your emotions! Pressure him to say the all-important words! Sheesh, grow up and stop waiting for some kind of proof! Expectations kill relationships. I say you should date other people and see if you still feel the same way about him.
2007-03-19 14:06:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am kinda in a similar situation so I relate to you. If you love him, give it more time, it is worth it. That is what I am wanting to do. It is good your dating and I am presuming you are both in the same city. My man and I are long-distance, and he says the same thing to me - that he cares for me a lot....and has some feelings but he is simply "not ready". He has Never used the word "love"....(twice in my emotion, I actually asked him on his face and basically cornered him to say it....and then he did, but I dont think it came from his heart) and we have never even formally dated. Known him 1.5 years now. To make things worse, he has moved to another country now. It all looks so bleak! But I plan to stick around him....and be faithful to him, until I am 100% sure that it's not going to happen. I feel he is worth it. Love is always worth it. But......we have to be prepared for loss in the end. It hurts a lot I know.... but life is such.....:(
2007-03-18 01:59:44 · answer #5 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't hold on much longer if you are looking for the Right guy..and for true love...this fella doesn't want this!
Get a clue, here..move on!
Oh, one other thing...I was reading your other answers...Not ALL men are this bad! or do they have issues...regarding commitment...and it isn't because he is a man, either!
that person that answered that to you..just hasn't been OUT there enough...women do get really negative...I have really been there,(whoo boy have I!!!)but, I let it all fly out of the window..I was just TOO negative! NOt anymore, thank God!!!
You could wait..and see, a bit longer...ya know..or find another man..and just be good friends with this fella!
2007-03-18 01:42:14 · answer #6 · answered by ladyk 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dated someone for 10 months and always felt uncomfortable when he said I love you. I finally realized that I didn't have a problem saying "I love you", I just wasn't in love with him.
2007-03-18 02:34:30 · answer #7 · answered by Dream 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its only been 10 months. Give it time. I have been dating someone for 2 years and he has yet to say those words to me but I know how he feels. He does not have to say I love you to me for me to know he does.
2007-03-18 01:25:27 · answer #8 · answered by LadyCatherine 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
10 months might feel like an eternity to you but sounds like your man might be having some serious issues with commitment. If you love him stick it out, if he is "the one" both of you will know when the time is right.
2007-03-18 01:26:58 · answer #9 · answered by shan 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If he doesn't feel that way now, he won't ever.
Drop him cold turkey and see if he comes bagging to get you back. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, this is true I know from past circumstances.
If he really loves you he will come to you and tell you so when he thinks he has lost you for good.
2007-03-18 01:26:37 · answer #10 · answered by juniper 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋