This was a year ago, folks...and it is still in my head...and it stays there in my head...
2007-03-17 18:08:49 · 16 answers · asked by christy j 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, there was alcohol involved and he was honest about everything (I mean, I didn't "find out," he told me. He didn't have to. And he did. That means something. And vows DO mean something: I said for better or for worse. And I committed. And I meant it. I'm not going anywhere, I just need to get through it somehow, and not worry so much about it happening again...once a cheater always a cheater? Is that for real? Maybe I'm looking for solace that I can't get from...ok there's the real question...where can I get solace?
2007-03-17 18:23:55 · update #1
I dont believe I could ever get over it - sorry but vows were spoken for a reason
2007-03-17 18:12:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
When it comes to infidelity, there are two kinds of victims:
Those that can forgive and those that can't. Those that forgive put everything behind them and start fresh. They never bring up the infidelity again and just move on from there. Because they never rehash the issue, they stay married and more than likely will be victims of infidelity again. Those that can't get past it, should leave. I am one of these people. I would never be able to forgive or forget. I you're not willing to do so, then you have no hope (not that you have any to begin with). No amount of counseling will salvage a marriage after infidelity if you are the type that can't let it go. Keep in mind too that once a cheater, always a cheater. Any of my friends who have taken back a cheater were always cheated on again and again. I say why bother. If they cheat, kick them to the curb.
2007-03-19 03:20:47 · answer #2 · answered by Lilith 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me try to be the voice of reason without sounding too pessimistic: Monogomy is unrealistic. I have been in a relationship for over 10 yrs. and we were both unfaithful early in the relationship. If you want to get over it you have to simply forgive him. You have to do it whole heartedly or there is no point in sticking around. It does get easier with time. You will probably always feel betrayed by the act, but it will become less important in the grand scheme of things. BTW, the phrase "Once a cheater, always a cheater" is complete BS. We are only human, we all make mistakes, and change/growth is definitely possible.
2007-03-17 18:58:34 · answer #3 · answered by Nik 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can't. Once a cheater will always be a cheater. There is no cure for it. Infidelity is a disease. It's an uncontrollable impulse. Trust me if you husband can kill you (provide that he is certain he'll get away) so he can cheat he would. A cheater has no morality: just the selfish urge to satisfy his lust at the moment.
2007-03-17 20:47:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It will always be there as long as you are still married to this person. The only way is to get a divorce and move on from your life. The trust is gone and you probably can never get it back. When he's out at work or somewhere else you'll always wonder if he's really where he says he is and if he with some other woman.
Divorce is the only options ..Unless both you's go to consoling.
2007-03-17 18:17:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to tell you this but you have quite a few years to go just to get over the shock and heart wrenching pain of it. It's been 10 years for me when I found out about my husband and it has been the hardest ten years of my life.Just this morning it pop in my head for no reason and I couldn't stop it . I started picturing him and her and all the times he said he loved me,I started to cry.It will never go away you will never forget and in my case I will never ever forgive my husband for destroying a innocence and untouched marriage.It is very hard to put into words all the feelings and pain and damage that's been done. So the answer to your question is you need to take it one day at a time because if you don't all you will see is your heart braking and hatred.
2007-03-17 18:41:08 · answer #6 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
These things happens.I remeber when I was 18 adn got married just out of curiousity. I was not sure what I was doing. I knew I may cheat on my husband and tha tis why I had ot divorce hima because the tough of cheating on him one day was killing me. I guess if you are very young adn have no experiences in life, it is okay and by the time you get older I guess people will be more settle down and learn to committe them selves. 65 percent of men and women cheat adn a lot of them live a happy life relatiohsips for years to come. If it was just one time cheating, lots of people will go adn have an affaire to just get it out f their system and get even adn come back and seat and continue their lives with each other. People can change if you can believe me. You say it was a year ago, you should better think if you are willing to lose your partner and if it is worth it? Do you have any children together?How old are you and if he or she is over with that person. You can not just generalize or jump on the same old same conclusion. Think if you can get over this idea because there are so many other things in life you should be thinking about then what happened a year ago. Do not make any fast irrational decision just for sake of it.
Take care
2007-03-17 18:20:04 · answer #7 · answered by S.E.E.N 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is from a cheater, I confessed to it and he forgave me, he's never brought it up in any arguement we've been in since.
I've also never done it again. I asked for forgiveness and he gave it. Just because you lose your head once doesnt mean you will again. My husband and I have a wonderful Marriage.
I cant say he's forgotten about it, but you can move on.
I wish you both the best
2007-03-17 18:59:42 · answer #8 · answered by gypsydncr_73 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, you and I are in the same boat. I feel for you. Happened to me a year ago too. There are no easy answers but I think you have to be able to really trust the other person again. That is probably the biggest obstacle. I know for me it certainly is. The "offender" really has to want to change and get some counseling for there to be a real chance I believe.
http://www.adambourque.com
2007-03-17 18:13:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
either get used to it or leave, once a cheater always a cheater. A person who cheats has a flawed moral compass and thats not something that changes.
2007-03-17 18:12:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
you can forgive but you will never forget. You will never be able to truely trust them again. I know how you feel. It will never leave your head. Your best bet is to divorce and go on with you life. There are people in this world that dont cheat.
But a cheater never changes
2007-03-17 18:16:15 · answer #11 · answered by starsearcher36 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋