please help me know what to do!?

Question

Okay, this is going to seem like a very strange question, but I really don't know, so please help. My husband and I were marreid just 3 months ago, and he is now deployed to the persian Gulf. He has a personal laptop with him, and a webcam that he and I use to talk to eachother when he can. I am very careful with morality, and being a person of virtue and completely clean through Christ is very important to me. My husband and I waited until marriage for any kind of sexual relationship, and I am so incredibly glad that we did. So, here is the question: I know that pornography and masterbation are wrong, there is no doubt of that. I am sorry for asking this, but please understand my sincerity, I don't want to do something wrong. Is it still pornography if I...I am really sorry for asking this...but if I let my husband see me undressed, and touch myself with the webcam, it would be only him, no one else would ever see it, and it would be only to please him, not myself...

of course i realize that the sexual aspect of marriage is not the most important, but I do think that it is important, it is a way of communicating love for one another that my husband and I have saved only for eachother. It is sacred to us, and I don't want to sin, but I want to share my love with him while he is away, in a way deeper then just saying I love you, he will be gone for 13 months, I already miss him terribly and it has been only 3 weeks. Please help me.

and just to clarify for arty p on my religion: repentence is forsaking your sins, so no, in my faith you cannot just sin and then ask for forgiveness over and over again, perhaps before passing judgement you should have asked what kind of christian I was.

Answer 1

I understand how you feel, this is not a religious question, this question is aimed at you being worried about committing a sin. You are with your husband, things has changed, you call him on the phone and say things that you would not say to anyone...no boundaries between the two of you. Touching yourself in front of the computer to reach out as much as you can to keep his interest and your alive, it is not easy...I am deployed for the last 3 years, I have lost a lot of people around...because we could not communicate...he needs you there and he needs to know that you long for him and desire him, sexually, mentally, physically, spiritually...all of it...believe me he needs to know that and see and read it and hear it....

You must understand, there is NO SIN when you are doing things in your marriage in a loving way...God is not waiting for you to do anything and he is going to sit and analyze it...HE LOVES you and your husband....

My opinion, and God bless you and him and bring home safe and sound....

Answer 2

If you have doubts about doing this then just wait until you see him again. Don't make sex the number one thing in your relationship because it's not. It is important to have a healthy sexual relationship with your husband but it's not the most important thing. There's nothing wrong with letting him see you get undressed because that is something he would see if he were at home right? Masturbation is an opinionated thing. Some people think it's wrong and some people think it's ok. It's how you feel about yourself when you do it. Do you think you would feel dirty afterwards? It's all about how YOU feel about doing it.

Answer 3

Hi! While I'm not exactly living the holy "Christian life", I was raised in a strict Christian home and am definitely anti-porn in most situations.

However, when it is stricty between a married couple, I don't see anything wrong with it. If you are looking at other people, sure. But if you are only looking at him, and vice versa, then I think it is perfectly fine. I've even begun to think that masterbating is fine as long as you're thinking about your spouse (though obviously it's a sin if you're fantasizing about other people). I think porn is only a sin because it indirectly gets other people involved in the sexual aspect of the marriage, not solely because it is sexual. Sex in itself was designed by God to be something special between two people.

And yes, I understand that there are other viewpoints, and that some people who may be reading this don't have a problem with porn, and that's perfectly fine for them. However, since the asker has a certain set of values and viewpoints herself, in this siutation, it is that viewpoint that needs to be addressed; that is, seeing things from a Christian angle (just trying to save my butt from would be haters lol)

Answer 4

Hi, I understand your concerns. I do not think of that as being wrong. You are both married and your bodies belong to each others. As long as its just the two of you, its still sacred and pure, just as it would be if you were doing that in person. Im a Christian woman too and I think it's natural for you and your husband to want to feel closer in a sexual way even if its through a webcam and the internet. However, I dont think it's a good idea to do something like that if you only do it for him but you feel guilty about it. Tell him about you feel and hear him too.

Answer 5

Dear sister, my heart goes out to you and your husband. My wife and I are in exactly the same situation ... and are also believers. I went to a conservative protestant seminary, and have served as a Ruling Elder in the Church for decades. I am convinced that this whole matter of sexuality in Christian marriage is one that still needs lots of work.

One resource is the Christian site listed below. You will find clear and Biblical answers to this and many other intimacy related issues. Just talking with your husband about these issues will be ecstatic for both or you; and you will find your way through this together. Love to you both.

In my opinion ... just love each other with all you've got ... and Praise the Lord for the Internet, VoIP phones and WebCams (smile)!

Answer 6

It is wonderful that you want to do things God's way. I have only one concern and one question. Would you do these things with your husband if he were in front of you? The concern is that someone else might see ( his "coworkers). If you are positive that no one would see and are comfortable doing what you 2 want to do either long distance or in person then feel free. After all sex between husband and wife is a sacred personal affair.

Answer 7

wanting to be with your husband and to help with the distance you to are forced to be from one another. The internet is wonderful and a great way to communicate...but remember that it is the internet and what you think is private may not be. If you two were able to wait until you were married then you should be able to wait until he is back home or able to take leave to come back.... I have a good friend from the Illinois Reserves that served to tours and was able to come home three times during that time and that time of course was spent mostly behind closed doors with his wife..just remember anticipation hightens the experience...and that the internet is not a private as we would like it to be....foot note If you do decide to do this make sure that it is not a millitary server he uses to connect to the internet and that he checks the Military code of conduct to make sure one you are not monitored and two that he does not viloate any conduct codes that he could get in trouble for.

Answer 8

Ask yourself, What's the difference btween doing this with him on a webcam vs. doing this with him in the same room? There is no difference. I respect your beliefs, but often religion is used to control people by making them feel guilty..even by thinking about things. You should never feel guilty about pleasing your husband. It will probably seem weird at first. You don't have to start by masterbating. Just show a little more each time you two are connected. after several times then you will start to relax. Have him talk you through it...Maybe you will start even looking forward to doing it more often.

Answer 9

Stop. Don't do anything on a webcam or using the Internet that you wouldn't want the entire world to see. There isn't anything wrong with masturbation by yourself, privately, to relieve tension (even in the Bible, it was Onan who was castigated for masturbating because he was wasting his seed - and you are not a man so you are not wasting your seed....)
It is wrong to perform for your husband on the Internet. Don't even entertain the thought! It sure as hell is pornography and it will be perceived as that - and possibly other people will see it.
Don't ever think that your husband having to be away from you is going to be untold misery for him. Plenty of people are in the military and are faithful to their wives, what do you think - wars are run by people who are forced to be away from loved ones and it is something they adjust to. He knows how to masturbate too and will probably do it in privacy if he can't stand the abstinence.
If you do this, I don't think it will help your marriage; I think it will harm it. He will remember it and think it is something you might be capable of doing for another person. He also might think that you can't possibly be without sex yourself for any period of time without turning to the webcam for some sort of exciting performance - for anybody.
Bad Bad BAD Idea.

Answer 10

I FEEL you are doing the right thing. My husband is in the Army. When he leave me for a long time like 2-3 weeks. That is what I do also. I feel he would want you to that instead of having an affair. It is safe and no one else is included only you.