what do u think of this poem i wrote:
As I think of you,
my eyes light up,
and my anger goes away,
I become calm,
and self controled,
all the pain disappears,
and all the sadness goes away,
my life turns up,
and I become happy.
But as you slip away from my mind,
anger whells up inside me,
my fists tighten,
my eyes glare,
I lose control,
and go insane,
my eyes turn blood shot,
and my hands begin to shake,
as my body trembles,
and I become simply nothing.
ITS ALL ONE POEM. WHAT DO U THINK? ON A SCALE FROM 1 TO 10???
sorry if u didn't enjoy it. its my first poem that i made that doesn't ryhme... it was hard. sorry again.
2007-03-17 17:33:53 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
if u read my other questions... u'll see that all my poems rhyme...
2007-03-17 17:34:18 · update #1
just tell me if its good or not
2007-03-17 17:40:46 · update #2
don't asnwer anymore! i get it! it sucks!
2007-03-17 17:43:13 · update #3
all you people that say below 7 are crazy.
personaly i give it a 9.
luv ya!
2007-03-18 05:29:33 · answer #1 · answered by Lexa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aries I left a comment about one of your other poems and I was far from nice, but I was being honest. I said something about not using always using rhyme, and while I don't for a second flatter myself that you tried to write this one because of anything I said, good for you for giving it a go.
If you might take some kindly meant advice, unless you somehow get off on being savaged in public like this, why don't you leave off putting up your poems for a while? The really important thing about poetry is that it means something to you. Just keep writing and the improvement will come - this one is definitely better than the last one I read. Keep trying different kinds of writing, read as much as you can, and only show your stuff to people you know and trust enough to give you an honest appraisal. Even if that appraisal still turns out to be "it sucks," at least you can hope for some constructive criticism. There's just no rush to get this stuff out there, let it sit in a bottom drawer for a while - chances are when you rediscover it in a year or two you'll cringe (I don't mean you specifically, I mean all writers - serious or not - do this.) But hopefully you'll be in a place with your writing where you can look back and say "I know I needed to do that to be able to do the good stuff I'm doing now."
2007-03-18 01:57:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I give the poem for 7/10. The reason that I gave it to u, because it came from the heart and I can tell u love some one that u trying to contact again.
2007-03-18 00:43:13 · answer #3 · answered by historyman_of_sa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its like a poem of a witch psychic with anger as the basic foundation of emotion its like a rock song with mystic touch. yes its good but can be improved
from 1 to 10 honestly 7
you really a psychic? ok what is my gender or age, my physical features, im really interested in paranormal things my e-mail is tutero(underscore)k@yahoo.com im your fan if you could show me the world of mysticism :)
2007-03-18 02:37:14 · answer #4 · answered by tutero_k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No offense, but I think you should mention how old you are.
There are prodigies out there but most people would be able to judge "nicely" if they knew what your literary range is. Of course if you are a high school-college student already...your poem is honest. Let's leave it there.
2007-03-18 00:56:39 · answer #5 · answered by masterscribe888 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its the thought that counts. Rhymes and alliterations are just accessories. It was good. I'll give it a 9
2007-03-18 00:37:41 · answer #6 · answered by Karmicwafu 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, I don't know anything about poetry so I really can't help you there but I do like the picture you are trying to create. Work with it - I think it's worth it.
2007-03-18 00:50:12 · answer #7 · answered by monkey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
7/10
Reason: spellings and syntax below:
controled,
all the pain disappears
and all the sadness goes away
whells
go insane
turn blood shot
Good luck
2007-03-18 01:01:24 · answer #8 · answered by ari-pup 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
umm....its all deep and everything, but it sounds desperate at best. like the narrorator goes crazy without her significant other but is also calmed by him. its like es some kinda drug or something...if one is highest and ten is lowest, id have to give you a 6-just becase of the desperation. otherwise it was pretty good
2007-03-18 00:43:58 · answer #9 · answered by labyrinth_solved 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with creepy - how about a nice subject? I think the title should be "Up My Dosage of Prozac"
2007-03-18 00:49:26 · answer #10 · answered by Persiphone_Hellecat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋