my mum and dad are probably going to divorce. i need some help?

Question

my mum and dad have never been on good relations. their personalities cannot be more different. recently, my mum suggested to me that the best thing may be a divorce. for me, it may be better as i am under constant pressure when my parents argue.
however, the thing i am worried about is my dad. he really cares about mum, even though mum never returns the favor. my mum is also quite stubborn, so she never listens when i point these qualities of dad out. what if, after the divorce, my dad cannot take it? i have heard of people drinking all day long, go into depression or even suicide. i cannot imagine if that happens to be my dad. no matter what, i still care about him.
sometimes, to avoid all these, i go into a state where i do not show any emotions whatsoever. but a trip to a childhood place with my dad recently have made me realised that he is a good father, even though he might not make a good husband, and i felt guilty because i cannot help him in any way.
what can i do?

first. need to thank all those who askwered. it really was conforting to know that there are people who understand my feelings.
however, i am an immigrant, so all my relatives are in another country. i have no siblings to talk to. and because of the current situation, i cannot bring myself to trust anyone.

Answer 1

Sorry to hear,
One good thing is that your looking for help here.
But its not your problem they are having this issue.
They will always love you, but the feelings you are
feeling is very dangerous to yourself. I recommend
that you find a friends parent, school counselor, or
a close relative and speak to them about your concerns.
Your concerns are normal, but you need some further
guidance and maybe a BIG hug to get through the rest of
this issue.

Bless you!

Answer 2

I hope this helps. I'm answering this from the point of view of the parents. I was in a less than perfect marriage, and there was a great deal of fighting, without burdening you with my whole history, I will say that divorce although very scary, can turn out to be the best. My children were 10,9 and 8 at the time, it's been five years and things are much better for everyone. Everyone deserves to be happy, and maybe your father will in fact be happier later on, it will be rough for a while. I never expected to be this happy. I also think that you should try to find someone to talk to about this, someone outside the family that you trust. This is a lot for you to be dealing with. Best of luck.

Answer 3

It's always hardest on the kids when parents can't get along and end up divorced. But always remember it is not your fault and you don't have to feel guilty about anything. However if I were you I would try my best to stay neutral about the other parent when speaking with your mom or dad.
I don't know how old you are, but you say you feel guilty because you cannot help your dad. It's not up to you to help him, he's an adult and needs to take care of his own needs which includes your mother. And hey, your dad may love your mother very much as well she may him, but sometimes divorce seems the easiest way out. For your sake, as well as your parents', I do hope they will work it out.
You just take care of yourself, don't feel guilty, and most importantly allow yourself to be happy no matter what happens. You have your life to live, so live it.

Answer 4

It is lonely to be in a situation where you don't have anyone to trust, no relative nearby and no siblings. That is what a counslor (a therapist) is for. So, if you can possibly afford it (many therapists will accept what you can afford and adjust their fees), think about seeing a therapist just for the reason that you will be suffering from your parent's divorce, not just your father.
You can be a good support to your father by trying to keep things normal as possible after the divorce - see him as much, do things with him even more if you can. Try not to step in and be his mom or his housecleaner, though. Show him how to do some things so he can be more independent.
He'll be dating at some point and you can give him positive encouragement about that.
As far as your mother goes (you don't seem worried about that), try to realize that she is just as unhappy and taking a risk leaving a marriage. Apparently, she thinks that will be worth the risk. So even if she's not your favorite parent, try not to get angry about her doing this. She's looking for a second chance. Your father is going to be getting a second chance too. And isn't that better than watching them argue?

Answer 5

Aw, I'm so sorry to hear about this. I would hate it if my parents split up. You know, they're complete opposites, too. I don't know how they've made it 19 years! They've talked a little about divorce and it was scary. And I'm 18! I've always known them to be together and it would sadden me if they were to split up.

There's really nothing you can actually do though. If that's what they're going to do. But they might work it out! I hope so, but talking to them is really all there is. But like you said, a divorce would take a lot of pressure off you. It's your dad you say you are concerned about though. If you're there for him as support, I think he would do fine. Besides, I would hope he would not divorce her unless he could handle it.


I don't think I've been much help AT ALL, but if you just need someone to chat with, my yahoo ID (and email) is newjerseynets_5.

Answer 6

What do you mean from where I stand you are helping him. My mom is on her third marriage now and I am old enough to talk to my dad about the way things were during the divorce process and he has told me a lot of time that even though he didn't not want my mom to leave he knew that it was going to happen and that just having us( my brothers and sister) there, being able to still be involved in our lives was enough to keep him going. What ever happens IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT but make sure that you tell him that you love him anyway! Don't worry life has a funny way of working itself out. Good Luck!

Answer 7

Divorce is never easy, especially with children involved, but these things happen. You seem to be quite mature about this sad event in your life.
Try not to let your parents speak ill of the other to you. Both your mom and dad love you. Try not to take sides and alienate each other.
Perhaps at your school, there is a counsellor that you could approach or within your religious affliation. A minister or priest, even one of the ladies in the office.

Answer 8

What you are saying is what I hear from a lot of kids whose parents are possibly divorcing. You're in the middle and need someone to talk to. I would suggest talking to a counselor at school or a pastor at church. They should be able to hook you up with someone who can give you advice on how to deal with these difficult things.

Answer 9

if your mom and dad are miserable married then its better for them so you will just have to get used to it they still love their kids .my mother and dad separated when i were 8 years old they let us 5 kids choose who we wanted to live with but that was 1956 we all chose our mother then my mom died from cancer when i was 18 if parents aren't happy its best for them to divorce even if it upsets the kids you can't stay in a bad marriage just for your kids i divorced my first husband we were married 10 years we had 2 daughters i was unhappy we were talked into marrying we fought too much i raised my two kids

Answer 10

My dad was destroyed when him and my mom decided to get divorced and she moved in this other guy. He drank; in fact 17 years later he still does, but he would have been doing it anyway. He became who he is when my mother left him; before he was trying to be who she wanted and it was killing him. Life sucks, if your parents divorce just try being there for him without hurting you.