My Mum died about a week ago....?

Question

And I don't feel sad anymore.
I feel like I should still be sad but I just feel normal.
She was only 45 and I'm only 18.
Initially I was upset, however by the second day of her being in hospital I had come to terms with the thought that she was going to die. I didn't cry when she died.
Everyone around me Is still sad, so I feel like I should be sad.
When I think of her I feel nothing, even though I was very close to her.
Anyone know if this is a psychological way of dealing with death?

Answer 1

I am so sorry for your loss. My dad died when I was about your age. He died very suddenly of a heart attack. We were very close and I missed him terribly. Grief is really a roller coaster ride. Some days, you'll feel great and think everything is fine and then suddenly, out of the blue, it will hit you like a ton of bricks and you'll feel like crying your eyes out. Weird little things will set off a flood of emotion. There are a lot of books written about the stages of grief and I'm sure there are lots of websites too. I can remember the day of my dad's funeral sitting afterward in our backyard laughing with some friends and I thought it was so weird, because I didn't feel sad at all. The truth though, I discovered, is that in the beginning, you are so overwhelmed by funeral plans and visitors and phone calls and seeing people you haven't seen in ages and being invited here and there by family and neighbors that it really does not have time to sink in. There is so much distraction that you don't have time to really feel anything and when you are alone, you are so utterly exhausted that you just sleep. But soon, all the commotion will die down and in those quiet times to come, you will feel the sadness and grief welling up inside you. Be prepared for that and know that it is perfectly normal.

Answer 2

My mother died when I was 25 and she had been in hospital at the time too. I dealt with things in the same way as you. In fact, I just got on with the funeral arrangements and put so much time and effort into buying a new outfit for the funeral that people thought I was a bit heartless. When I was told she'd died, I just said "OK" It wasn't until about a year later that the real loss sunk in. Even now 10 years later, I get awful pangs of really deep sadness that she's no longer here. But as far as the actually time of her death... I just can't remember anything about feeling sad.
Everyone copes in different way, nobody knows how they will cope until it happens to them.

Answer 3

My mum died when I was young too, it is now about 5 years ago but I cant cry for her anymore. Your mum would want you to move on and remember her as a good thing. My mum was in a hospice for a while and i can remember not understanding why but knowing she was going to die. I was never able to talk to my dad about it but I found i could talk to my music teacher at school and I changed myself for her. I used to be a bully and horrible but I am changing now. In a way I think of it like my mum died so that i could change because nothing else would reach me.
Remember that you can still talk to her and this way she is always with you becasue as long as you remember her she cant leave.
I am only 14 now but if you want to talk to me you can email me at [e-mail] or skype me at rockstaraxe. It's difficult but I know what it's like.
Do one thing though. Look after yourself and feel the rain on your face as if the heavens are falling down around you and understand that it can only make you stronger!

Answer 4

I don't know the answer, but I do know exactly how you feel. I did not even cry when my father died. I went back to work the next day, much to everyone's surprise. And I rarely ever gave him another thought.

My family visit his grave regularly. I never do. I cannot even remember in which year he died.

I have had the same reaction with every other family member, and the occasional friend, who has died.

Feel free to PM me on this if you want to discuss it further

Answer 5

yes this is a psychological way of dealing with death.

You are probably feeling numb and not able to get in touch with how the death has really affected you. This is very normal and how your body enables your mind to continue surviving as oppose to being very overwhelmed by it all.


Let me try explain it to you in laymans terms.Your body is still programmed to survive as it would thousand of years ago,) for example, If you stub your toe, notice how for the firs few seconds you feel nothing? then it suddenly REALLY hits home? this is how your body protects itslef, it doesnt feel the pain as this is your bodies way of giving you the chance of running far and far enough away from the threat - (as you would have done if attracked by an animal in the wild thousands of years ago.) When it feels you are "safe" the pain returns. and boy does it!

Your grief will return (fortunalty and unfortuantly) so as you can try to "let go" of your mother. It takes a while for big things like this to sink in, and the return is likely to be triggered by the most ordinary thing. Such as a tv programme you watched years back with her. Her jewellery found down the back of your sofa from ages ago when she thought she'd lost it, a song or piece of music which mentions her name.....

Grief takes many years to work its way through your system, and does so at a rate you can cope with- even though at times you may feel like its unbearable. It can take anything from an avaerage 5 to 8 years depending on the person and how much support they FEEL they have.

Use your friend and family when you can and however much you can, this will hlp you come to terms with your mums death at an "easier" pace, and when you feel able to you may want to speak to and work on her death with a therapist who specialises in grief. You could try cruise berevement or ask your G.P/Doctor if they know of anywhere reputable or can refer you to get some additional professional support.

Good luck.

Answer 6

well if your mum had a long ailment and death was the most posible outcome, then it is a bit normal that you have dealt with your grieving long befotre she died, you might still cry every now and then but it is perfrectly normal, tho to make you feel better you could perform a good bye ritual of your own, even if you are not religious it works dealing with a loss

Answer 7

first, I am very sorry for your loss! i thin you are going through the same as i did. your very independent and self reliant, you do not rely on others much. this is a hard time for you, you just havent realized it yet. be aware, it will hit you, and at the worst time. just rember, your not alone! at this point in life you are very confused and feel alone. i wish i could be there for you when you come to accept it. and there lies the problem, you've not accepted it yet.brace yourself, it will be a rough ride! but you will make it. just look for the positives in the situation, and there are some, atleast one. good luck, and may the good lord be with you.

Answer 8

I am sorry to hear about that. I was the sme age and my mom almost the same age when I lost her. Every one experience different gireves. Depending on how close you were to her and even wthout that you may experience different feelings right now but thre are process you will follow to get better. Talk to people about your emotions nad do not keep it inside. Do not feel guilty if you do not feel the same way as others around you right now. I still think about mymom and I miss her very much in my life. She was not here with me witnessing my new born child or me going to the university etc...I also lost my father. It is just a new different experience you will go through but take care of your self adn go see some one to help you with the process of griving, take care

Answer 9

Yes, I think you're just in a bit of a numb state right now. I lost a dear friend in college due to a car accident, and it took probably a month before the sadness really hit me, because I was just sort of in shock. I think your situation is similar and, unfortunately, you probably have some heavy grief ahead. But it will pass eventually, so hang in there once it hits. I'm very sorry about your mother.

Answer 10

Yes I can tell you it is. I am a nurse and I don't cry at the deaths I see. I'd be a bit hopeless if I did!
I didn't feel like crying when my own grandparents or father died - don't mean to say I didn't love them or I won't miss them, I just don't cry and mope. Death is part of life, after all, I know its gonna happen to me. I don't believe you have to be in shock to feel this way - maybe you are, but I wasn't. I felt sorrow, but in a more down to earth way! Grieving is personal, so don't let others make you feel uncomfortable at the way you handle it. It is your business, not theirs. I wish you love and happiness, good luck