I have known him for over 15 years, he used to be my husbands best friend, over the years he and i became good friends, My husband has cheated on me over the years, when this would happen i would run to him and his wife (he has been divorced for 4 years now) This last october i found out he was cheating again, he left and i filed for divorce , i called my friend about two weeks later and he ended up telling me over the next two weeks that he has had feelings for me for the last 15 years We started seening each other in Mid november we see each other about every two weeks we live four hours apart, Now he thinks he is the rebound because i left that relationship and went to him so quick, i told him it was easy to leave because i was done with my marriage because i was done with his cheating and i was done with him. I love him and have always thought so much of him i dont want to loose what we have.
2007-03-17 16:53:03 · 7 answers · asked by nancy p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know he has every right to feel that way, i dont get to talk to him very much and see him even less often, i feel if it were a rebound i would have left already if it is about getting attention and affection that is something i am not getting, i told him this, that is when he said the only thing that bothers him is that i went from my ex husband to him so quickly
2007-03-17 17:11:46 · update #1
His concern is understandable, and does him credit - not wanting either of you to get hurt, and not wanting either of you too feel used later. You could try explaining that it's not really a rebound, and that you were over your ex long before the divorce actually happened. However, be warned - he could be right. I went through the same thing a few years ago when my wife passed away. I started a relationship with an old friend who lives some distance away (16,000 miles, in fact!), and I didn't think I was rebounding. After a while, she broke it off, claiming distance issues (which is reasonable) and because she was worried it was a rebound thing. I don't know, either she was right or I moved on, because I am now happily married again - to someone else. We are still very good friends, catch up with each other often, and still offer each other shoulders to cry on when needed, so don't think that this will ruin the friendship. True friends will always care, and are always there for you - regardless of any past relationship you may have had with them.
Try this: stay close friends with him, respect his wishes and concerns, and eventually he will see - and so will you. Also remember that best friends often make the best lovers - and any long-term relationship should be based on friendship. Otherwise, what is there to fall back on when the passion starts to wane?
2007-03-17 18:17:29 · answer #1 · answered by Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Listen just go easy, his feelings are valid even though you say he's wrong. Just say you understand his feelings but that you are not on the rebound, you want to have a loving relationship with him and an ongoing one. Talk to him about what plans you can come up with to make him sure that he's not on the rebound. Tell him you want to stay friends but over time you'd like to make him see that your love is real and for the long term.
2007-03-18 00:05:53 · answer #2 · answered by smilingtalker_au 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you blame him for feeling that way? Lonley woman fresh out of a marriage? Wants to date an old friend? This has rebound written all over it. BUT you and I know that you aren't using him as a rebound. Your job now becomes proving that to him. Time is the only proof you have. Be his friend for now and allow time to set in. He will see that you want him!!!! good luck!
2007-03-18 00:01:13 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now I have never been in this situation nor have I been married or even in a serious relationship.
I would try to explain to him that you are not in it for a rebound and that you really do have deep feelings for him. I would also tell him that you will prove to him that you care for him and you are in it for the long haul.
Other than that I am not sure, those are my suggestions.
Best of luck!
2007-03-18 00:04:00 · answer #4 · answered by M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to admit, the situation sounds very unstable. Everyone is cheating, leaving others, developing new relationships and so on. I can see why everyone involved would be thinking that this situation will just keep being unstable, and more breakups will occur. Time and stability will help, right? If you are right, time will tell...and your desire for him will slowly develop into something deeper and more stable, something that can be trusted to last. Take care.
2007-03-18 00:24:56 · answer #5 · answered by Paul 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand how he feels like that but only you know how really feel about him and just let him know that he is not a rebound.
2007-03-18 00:01:48 · answer #6 · answered by ♦ Phoenix Rising♦ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is right you should wait for a while before dating again
2007-03-18 00:02:39 · answer #7 · answered by kat_luvr2003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋