Oh how the moon shines bright,
Never giving fright,
Through the night,
It gives off appealing light,
All in its might,
Never picking fights,
Doing right,
In the arms of the night.
HERE's THE SECOND ONE:
The wind blows across my face,
As in my hand I hold my suitcase,
Ready to leave,
Trying not to greave,
For my loss of a love one,
My eyes shone,
With water,
I try not to falter,
For I cannot bare to leave,
Or once again greave,
Why must things be this way,
All through the night and day,
I try not to cry,
Though I can’t forgive the lies,
The lies that my love one told,
Creating a fold,
A fold in our relationship,
A rip in our friendship,
Before he passed away,
As the suns rays,
Shone across his face,
He lost the race,
The race for life,
Life was the race,
I’ll never forget his face,
Though he left this world with a disagreement,
I never meant,
Meant for this to happen,
I shouldn’t have been mad,
For now I am sad,
And gone he is,
Gone forever.
2007-03-17 16:41:57 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
I KNOW POEMS DON'T ALWAYS HAVE TO RHYME... BUT I WANTED MINE TO
2007-03-17 16:42:24 · update #1
WHAT DO U THINK OF MY POEMS? GOOD? SCALE OF 1 TO 10?
2007-03-17 16:42:49 · update #2
isabels... wtf? what did i do to u?
2007-03-17 16:50:34 · update #3
these are MY poems
2007-03-17 17:08:15 · update #4
You've got the idea, now learn the technicals. You start with a 6 - 7 meter then digress immediately into a 6 - 9 beat. The 6 -7 read nicely, but the transitions fails.
If a piece reads easily out-loud, it is usually because there is a disciplined meter scheme.
Put some time and sweat into your two pieces. Read them out load. When satisfied, put them in your Chap Book for a year, then take them out and read them again. If they do read well, put together a submission.
2007-03-17 17:15:39 · answer #1 · answered by Terry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
About a 4. When you write in rhyming couplets like that, you run the risk of coming across very sing song - like Mother Goose rhymes. The way you avoid that is understanding meter and pentameter and working on the flow and rhythm of the poem. Read them aloud to yourself and you will see what I mean - especially the first one.
Also in the second one, its loved one not love one.
Keep writing and remember to read aloud and hear how it sounds. C.
2007-03-17 23:49:08 · answer #2 · answered by Persiphone_Hellecat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your poems are very good I'd give them an 8+
2007-03-18 00:03:09 · answer #3 · answered by shorty 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really like your poems. i myself write poems too. Yours are very deep in a good way. My rating to you is 7.out of 10.
2007-03-17 23:51:06 · answer #4 · answered by thumb_almighty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well i think the first one is just ok because all it's words that match is the same so it is like saying "ba,ga,va,ja,ka"you know what i mean? but the 2nd one was great
2007-03-17 23:49:42 · answer #5 · answered by stephen 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The 1st one is nice the 2nd one. wow. its beautiful. u have a talent. keep but the good work and follow your dream....
(: jamiee
2007-03-17 23:46:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like them both but i like the second one better. the first one: 7, second: 8. persiphone...that was most likely a typo...
2007-03-18 00:08:29 · answer #7 · answered by rt1290 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa lol they are really really good. I really like them...i suck at poems but your's are cool :D!
2007-03-17 23:46:17 · answer #8 · answered by Blah-Blah590 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the good i lik em cause they rhyme
2007-03-18 01:43:41 · answer #9 · answered by soul_rebel4o8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first: not good
second: 3....maybe 4....i know you really felt it
2007-03-17 23:47:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋