I am a feminine gay man that can't find a job. What do I do?

Question

Everywhere I have worked, I always end up having to leave because people don't want to work with me because I am so different. I am at my wits end. Don't I deserve to live and work too?

Answer 1

check with your employment office.

Answer 2

Of course you deserve to live & work just like anybody else! Check w/a local LGBT group to find out what legal avenues are available to fight discrimination. Be realistic, though--often the reality is that employers can come up with some other "reason" for letting you go, & the burden of proof is on you to show that it was based on sexual orientation.

You don't say what line of work you're in. Some occupations are a lot more strait-laced than others. Maybe you'd be happier in a different career where you'd work with more open-minded people? Also, what's your geographic location? I have a feminine gay friend who's been deeply happy with his life since moving to San Francisco from his small mid-American home town. Most big cities have a thriving gay community.

One other thought: anybody who is "different" in ANY way has to realize that they may be prone to blaming every difficulty on that difference. You might need to do some soul-searching--or get some counseling--to be certain that your job difficulties aren't actually rooted in some other cause. I'm sure that the "feminine gay" group as well as the "macho straight" group contains individuals who are simply hard to get along with, or have poor work habits, or can't take criticism, or have some other negative quality that makes them less-than-desirable employees.

Answer 3

You might start by having a candid discussion with the Human Resources staff at your last employment. Tell them you think you were fired because you are gay, and are interested in their feedback. While they may be hard pressed to actually disclose this information, as most employers are looking to avoid a law suit, the employer is likely to give you additional information in which you might benefit.

For example, you may be a gay man, but do you also show up late for work? Are you openly disrespectful to the boss? Do you question her authority in front of other colleagues? These may be gross examples of employee misconduct, but are just some examples.

In other words, your employer may indeed be firing you for the wrong reason--such as your sexual orientation. But rest assured, they are likely to have another reason documented. If the reason is not a total lie (say, for example, you frequently show up late for work, but so does everyone else)-- you may need to be extra careful, next time, to avoid the identified misconduct, even if everyone else is guilty of the same.

Barring all of this, you might simply be choosing an employment setting that is not a good match. As an effeminiate gay man, for example, I would probably avoid working at a "good ole' boy" auto parts store. I'd probably choose a large corporate auto parts store, if that was my chosen field, that has a sexual orientation non-discrimination policy. I'd probably avoid working as an administrative assistant at the local Southern Baptist church, and would instead apply for jobs as an administrative assistant at the local human services agency.

Even more, in future interviews, you might consider being frank with your potential employers. Ask them about the current staff members-- are they ethnically diverse? If you are particularly bold, you could ask questions about domestic partner benefits for same gender couples, for examples, or even directly ask the employer if they have a nondiscrimination policy which includes gays and lesbians.

Securing employment that respects who you are as a person is sometimes quite difficult, especially if you live in a rural area. But rest assured there are supportive places of employment in your area, too. You deserve to be shown respect while at work regardless your sexual orientation. Best of luck in your search.

Answer 4

People have a right to have employees who get along with other employees and who present the desired image to customers.

You probably have the ability to butch it up a bit. You probably should get some job counseling as well and try to get into a profession where your femininity, if that's what it is, isn't offensive to so many people. Now, if you are confusing "femininity" with bitchiness, then the problem is YOURS. It isn't considered a handicap so that you can receive disability payments, you will simply live your life as a poor, miserable, nasty gay queen. You must get YOUR act together, not expect others to cater to you.

Stomp your little pink pump clad foot if you wish, but you probably are smart enough to know that this old man has seen more than you and knows more. Good luck, sincerely.

Answer 5

Well...

When you go to work, do you work? I'm not meaning to offend with that statement, but I know a lot of people who consistently lose their jobs, and they scratch their heads unable to figure out why, but I know they are sucky employees, so...

I don't know where you live, I know discimination is rampant in some parts of the world, even in the U.S....

Have you considered a new line of work, perhaps?

I wish you luck, though. Everyone has a right to earn a decent wage, despite who they are...

I\ve had severa jobs and have been lucky enough to never have to hide who I am, or be afraid talk about my life with my partner...

I would just make sure to stress your work ethic, your talents, and what you can bring and do bring to your work place... Bottom line for most businesses is, who cares what you do outside of work as long as you can do your job well...

Wishing you luck....

Answer 6

My recommendation is look carefully for your job.
If you find one that pays, try to fit in by acting the way other people act. You don't have to sacrafice your beliefs... you just don't have to state them or act on them. For example, I'm a loud-mouthed girl who believes in gay rights. At my charity job, where I'm surrounded by elderly ladies, I play down my loud-mouthed attitude but if they would ask about my views on gay rights, I would politely state them.
If that won't work, then I'd suggest moving to a gay-friendly area like San Francisco or LA. Some co-workers are just jerks!

Answer 7

Try working in the fasion biz as this is mostly chicks and they dont mind gay people- The fab 5.

Answer 8

Tone down your obviously blatant femininity. You're trying too hard to be feminine and not hard enough on the job to be productive

Answer 9

Yes you do. Maybe this is a good opportunite for you to start your own business. What is your passion..The trick is to find your passion and then to figure out how to make money at it.

I love antiques so I got into estate sales and auctions. I love my job and I am very happy because I have a passion for it.

Answer 10

Complain to the equal workers rights group(?). That's not fair at all. But if someplace won't hire you strictly because of your sexual preference, they don't deserve to have you work there.

I wish you luck with your future career.

Answer 11

Move to a bigger city ( where its more accepted) or find a field of work that is more accepting of your lifestyle.