I met this guy at work. He started out giving me advice on a dead beat ex-boyfriend. He encouraged me to get rid of him. He's married to a woman 11 yrs older than him and they have a young child. I am 5 yrs younger than him.
He proposistioned a sexual relationship with me after a group of us from the job hung out together at a club. The relationship started out purely sexual until he dropped the "L" bomb after 5 months. He gave me 3 different dates that he intended to leave his wife. It never happened. Now he's claiming it's going to happen in April.
I find that I can't trust anything he says. I'm trying so hard to pull myself away from him but I can't seem to stick it out for long. I don't know if I should stick it out and see what happens, or leave this "relationship" alone. If he does leave his wife, can I ever trust him to be faithful to me?
HELP!
2007-03-17 16:04:51 · 23 answers · asked by Ins2 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Run as fast and far as you can - it'll never happen. If his relationship with his wife was that bad, he'd have left her by now - whether you were there or not. You certainly couldn't trust him not to do the same to you. And could you respect any man who did that behind his wife's back? If he's gotten away with it for this long, he'll try it again.
You want to get away from him? Get yourself a toy (no, not one with batteries, I mean another sex partner. OK, one with batteries as well.) After all, this current relationship started simply for sex. Make sure you're careful (condoms, etc), but this will certainly help keep your mind off him. Or you could tell his wife - that'll get him to leave in a hurry.
2007-03-17 16:15:26 · answer #1 · answered by Me 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I usually find it is a good idea to put myself in the other persons place. So let's try it with you:
His place: What benefits does he get right now by being in a relationship with you? Sex without strings or commitment. You are younger than his wife and him so he gets to feel younger and more 'virile".
What benefits will he recieve if he leaves his wife for you? Well he gets sex with you but now there is a commitment.
What consequences--well he will be leaving a wife and child behind. He will be breaking up his family. Oh, do they own a home and car? Who gets those things? What about custody of the child?
Her place: Do you even know her? What if you were her how would you feel? What has she done wrong that you would risk her marriage by being with her husband? Again, house, car, custody questions apply...
Your place: Aren't there enough unmarried men out there that you could be with? Why would you choose to be with a married man in the first place? You are getting sloppy seconds. And, if he leaves her you will get firsts for just long enough for him to find someone else to replace you with.
I say run honey. Run now. And, ask forgiveness from whatever deity you hold true to for being part of something like this in the first place.
2007-03-17 16:15:11 · answer #2 · answered by Misty B 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I have a 13 year old daughter from the same kind of relationship...he has been leaving his wife for 13 years now, and guess what he still hasn't. I kicked his sorry butt to the curb. And he is not allowed to see his child. Be careful of this, because all it does is cause hurt for everyone involved. If this is going on on the workplace, be even more careful, because someone could claim it is sexual harrasment, and then you would loose your job. Take my advise...move on.
2007-03-17 16:11:04 · answer #3 · answered by deb 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Train of thought. And this is not to judge, just get you thinking. Why would you want to be somebody's sloppy seconds when you could be first in someone's life who will give you the respect and comittment yiu deserve? He is not going to leave his wife for you, they rarely ever do. And if he can't be faithful to his wife and child no less, whatever makes you think he would be faithful to you? He has no respect for her, why would it change for you? And isn't he a fine one to be giving advice on a deadbeat boyfriend when he's a deadbeat husband. What possessed you to consent to sexual relationship with someone else's husband? Would you want that done to you? In your heart, ask her forgiveness and move on. I know of one girl who called the wife, told her about the affair. Hubby and wife reconciled and he dumped the mistress. because he was furious she told the wife.
2007-03-17 16:34:15 · answer #4 · answered by mhiaa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop seeing this man. He is only using you and he will never leave his wife. If he hasn't left his wife and also keeps changing the dates then he won't ever leave her. He has probably done this before so find someone else who is not married. He is not to be trusted. If he cheats on his wife then he would most likely cheat on you.
2007-03-17 16:15:37 · answer #5 · answered by Nancy M 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Shame on you for being with a married man!! I hope you end up very hurt from this whole affair. Maybe that will let you know only part of the hurt you are causing his wife & child. If you ever get married, I hope your husband cheats on you for over a year & you feel the hurt you are now causing this poor woman. Karma can suck that way...what goes around, comes around.
I know I'm sounding harsh & quite a bit ch, but I can't stand liars & cheaters. You & this guy are both of those things. I'm sure in reality, you're probably this nice, niave girl...but when it comes to something like this...I say you get the hurt that comes your way & he deserves to have his wife know about the two of you!
I would wish you luck, but I hope this whole thing comes crashing in on the two of you like a ton of bricks. You'll both deserve that.
2007-03-17 16:31:49 · answer #6 · answered by ♥ Callie ♥ 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry for you this the same old story of the poor men, he say that because he want to have sex with both of you, the wife and you, he is not a fool, please if he leave his wife you cant trust him, he is not going to be faithful to you, and you are going to be the last person in world to inform. And now your are going to do is close that door and throw the key away, and RUN !!!!
2007-03-17 16:26:26 · answer #7 · answered by jacko_34 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, he is the lowest form of life and you rate second. Why would you cheapen yourself so much by climbing into bed with another woman's husband? Seriously, if you were married, how would you feel if you discovered that your husband - who promised in front of God, family and friends to love, honor and cherish you- was screwing some flirty little girl he met at work? If you try to "stick it out" with this guy, all you will be, ever be, is his personal whore. Get out while you still have a little bit of integrity. Find another job because he, and everyone else you work with, knows you are easy pickings. And would you really want a man who can so easily disregard his marriage vows? If he will do it with you, he'll do it to you. Get out!!
2007-03-17 16:20:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
RUN!!!!! If he is cheating on his wife now with you,what's to say he won't do it to you IF he does leave his wife???? I hate to say this,but you are being used. He is using you and his wife. He can have the best of both worlds. He keeps you from going out to find another man. Tell him to give you a call when he leaves his wife. Or tell him you maybe pregnant! See what he does then......
2007-03-17 16:19:51 · answer #9 · answered by whataboutme 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you cannot trust him, leave him! Plus men who cheat on their wives are insecure and will never leave their sure thing(aka:their wives). Once a cheater always a cheater! If ou want to be cheated on if he ever leaves his wife, then stay with him. Do you want to be known as the other woman? If not then go, you have nothing to lose by leaving and everything to lose by staying! Can't you see he is stringing you along?
2007-03-17 16:13:01 · answer #10 · answered by thecrazycatlady12 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋