had an affair on me. We are seperated but I see him and talk to him everyday because we share custody of our 2 year daugther. I think if I'm not around him and see him that I can easily get over him and move on with my life. How do I do that when we have a child together?
2007-03-17 15:59:35 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First, you need to know the reasoning for the cheating, and it's there somewhere deep down. Either he wasn't satisfied emotionally or physically, and should of talked about this with you before the affair happened, or he has major self esteem issues, that he feels the need for other women to please his ego. Then if you think that you are capable of overcoming the cheating issue, you could always give it a try.
My opinion here is more distance, to see how you really feel about the whole situation, and check your own self-esteem, I am sure that he has hurt you tremendously, and this can effect your self-esteem, which could make you vulnerable to him.
2007-03-17 16:16:55 · answer #1 · answered by K_Seeks4Answers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No matter what you do you should do this within. You see love is not held in the eyes it is held in the heart no matter where you run to if you love him for real no distance can take this away from you. The thing is love doesn't change colors and you need to heal within see him if you have to because as I said distance is not going to change a thing.
Hang out with friends enjoy your single life as much as you can. Ensure not to have a relationship right now this would ruin you and that person. Get over your ex- husband then try dating start small then you go on the real dates as in dinner and stuff when you now start you just have coffee or go out to clubs nothing that would have you isolated. This is for a reason this is so that you could have a say on when you are ready to put intimacy into the relationship. Having isolated dates limites your decisions on this.
For now hang out with friends and focus on your daughter and yourself. Try keeping him out of your personal loop keep him in this part of your life that you share a child and meet him only when necessary. The best healer is time not space.
2007-03-17 16:13:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eva, I am very sorry that you are having to deal with all of this.
Being betrayed is very hurtful, and learning to live without the man you planned to spend your whole life with won't be easy, but can be done. Just because your ex calls everyday doesn't mean you have to talk to him. Set up a time for him to call, and have your daughter speak to him on the phone.
There will be times when you have to talk to him, but right now that's not the case. I am assuming you decided to get divorced since you are seperated, he's going to have to learn that you aren't his wife anylonger. You are the mother of his child that's all, and it's going to take getting use to deal with each other, because the rules have changed in your relationship.
Speak of only your daughter and her welfare. Warn your husband of this, and say that you got to let get on with my life, and be serious about it. You don't owe him anything any longer, he broke the vows. Now, if you were trying to work things out or wanted to, talking would be a great thing. Since, you aren't then talking is just confussing you, and you are all ready heartbroken, you don't need to be confused too!
Praying for you and your precious little angel. Hope you will find the happiness we all deserve soon.
God bless us all...................
2007-03-17 16:32:52 · answer #3 · answered by totallylost 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you can move on with your life and that should be the principle focus of you life...and of course your daughter is also priority.
She'll be the tie that binds you two--conceivably--forever but that doesn't BY ANY MEANS you have to be involved with him romantically or physically and really, not even emotionally.
But for the sake of your daughter, you two should try to get along--at least outwardly. Divorce, separation is tough enough on all children (even adult children) but even more so with a child who's still to young to grasp concepts.
I have a very important suggestion to you. As the years progress, never show your child how angry you are at her father....even though you might be and yes, have every reason to be. Right now, she doesn't need to know that he's a lying philanderer.. What she needs to hear is that her father loves her and that's all that matters.
If you demean her father...call him a two-bit, worthless snake, what you're doing is discrediting her by proxy. By demeaning him, you negate her. It could poison her thinking and sully her view on relationships with men later on in life.
Trust me on this one.
I know it'll difficult, but if you love your daughter and are concerned about her welfare, do this.
I'm not saying lie...but keep the negativity to yourself. When she's of age, you can have the talk about his indiscretions, but for now, all she needs to know is that althought her mother and father no longer live together, she's still very much loved.
By both
2007-03-17 16:31:55 · answer #4 · answered by I am Laurie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A great way to get your ex back is https://tr.im/YJivs
They might realize they need you and come crawling back!
If you do get back together, don't let the same issues that destroyed your relationship crop up again. Have a good, long talk about how you're both going to make it right this time.
2015-01-28 11:53:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's with the other woman then move on honey. You love him because you were married and you did have something special at one time. But if you're a doormat then he will come around and walk all over you. If it's possible tell him that you want to make arrangements for him to come for scheduled visits, or have someone (a family member) to meet him to pick up your daughter. Don't let him spend time in your home with your daughter, have him take her to his home. That way you're not dwelling on what could and should have been.
2007-03-17 16:14:30 · answer #6 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough spot, because daughter will need to know both parents well as she grows up. Since you must deal with him, the only real plausible answer might be to fill your life with other interests. I can't imagine that you'll just be able to have any kind of "closure" and cut the piece of your brain that has feelings for him out or anything, it'll have to be a gradual and slow process and maybe it'll just take time. Take care.
2007-03-17 16:45:42 · answer #7 · answered by Paul 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you still love your husband and all then try working on the marriage and go to marriage counseling with your husband. If you do not love him anymore and cant get past this then go on with your life and seek counseling for you to get past the pain of all of this and to start to heal from it.You may also want to go to a divorce recovery workshop at a local church if need be to help you get over this as well. Getting over him and moving on with your life will take time and will be a process. Good luck to you and here comes lots of hugs your way.
2007-03-17 16:05:17 · answer #8 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When my husband and I divorced our daughter was 5 years old. I moved almost 5000 miles away! Thankfully we were cordial - as the years went by she spent the school year with me and holidays and summers with him. When it came time for her to start middle school he and I made a decision for her to go live with him for two reasons - the schools were better where he lived and secondly, I didn't want my daughter to be estranged from her Dad - neither one of them deserved that. So, it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, but I sort of switched roles with him - she spent school months with him and holidays and summers with me. We did this for about six years. When she graduated high school she came back to live with me for a couple of years, then back with him for a year and then back with me and still here. As difficult as it was not to have my daughter full time I didn't want to rob either one of them of having the relationship they both deserved to have. Tragically he passed away about 10 months ago and I thank God every day that I sacrificed my own feelings and let her be close to him. They had a great relationship and she misses him terribly - but at least she has a lot of great memories. I don't regret it for one second. He and I both got on with our lives with other people, but when it came to our daughter we united and parented her the best way we could under the circumstances.
2007-03-17 16:15:34 · answer #9 · answered by Dee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can still be friends and afterall, you are both parents of a child together. I say,......move on with your life and hopefully you will find a worthy companion/significant other whom will not cheat on you.
You can do both and be happy. Be a responsible and civil Mother with your "Ex" for yours and your child's sake,........but, the rest of your life is yours and with some practice or some acceptance, you will find that you can do both without any hang-ups.
2007-03-17 16:20:08 · answer #10 · answered by The Sylvan Wizard 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋