During the 10 year course of my marriage, I've gained about 75 lbs. Not that it's an excuse but I've had 4 back to back pregnancies and spent additional years breastfeeding. I know my husband loves me but we just don't seem to connect the same way we used to, especially in the bedroom. We have plenty of opportunity but he always says he's too tired. He says my weight doesn't matter to him, but I think it does. I'm just wondering if anyone has insight on this sensitive issue. Please keep the fat jokes to yourself since my self esteem is already running low. I especially welcome answers from men. Thanks.
2007-03-17 15:26:21 · 10 answers · asked by Jennifer L 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know were you are coming from weight wise.I gained about 70 pounds myself durning my 17 year relationship with my hubby.My hubby also says my weight doesn't matter to him.But I know in some respects it does.It has to I know it bugs the heck out of me.But it hasn't bothered our sex life any.We have always had an incredible sex life.Maybe it is the fact that you have self esteem issues.That is the real problem.How do you expect him to see you has a desirable woman when you do feel that way about yourself.To some people there is nothing sexier than self confindence.You need to feel within yourself that you are a beautiful sexy woman if you want him to see you has one.One of the things I have learned is people percive us has we percive ourselves.If you are sitting there feeling like you are fat,unattractive and just basically icky.Than that is the image you are projecting to everyone else including your hubby.I know how hard it is to find time for yourself with kids under foot.But you need to take a few minutes everyday.To take care of yourself.Manicure your nails,do your hair get out of the sweat pants.What ever your little pick me ups are.Mine are my nail and brows.I feel like a slob if my nail aren't nice and my brows are unplucked.Doing little things to make yourself feel better and make you happier.Will help him feel better.He will see that your mood towards yourself is changing.And it hopefully change his mood toward you and your sex life.I hope things get better for you.Good Luck!
2007-03-17 15:59:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a good chance that it does make a difference to him. You should know him enough after 10 years to know whether he would be honest or not want to hurt your feelings. Try to seduce him at a different time of day and see if he still had excuses. You two should be able to talk about this, he's your husband. He's the ONE person in your life that should be the most honest with you. I know that when I gain weight I feel much less desireable and out of shape so I don't really have as much of a sex drive as I do when fit and in shape. What about him? Is he out of shape? This can make a difference. One last thing that I hate to bring up....Are you sure he may not be having an affair? Maybe it's time to turn up the volume in the bedroom..lingere..candles...a night away from the kids??? Take care of yourself too. You'll feel great!
2007-03-17 15:39:12 · answer #2 · answered by Daystar9 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From a guy's perspective, weight doesn't matter when it comes to deciding to have sex or not. My wife has gotten pretty big carrying a baby, but in the end, the result is the same and the physical satisfaction & emotional connectivity is the same -- so I always want it the same. At the end of the day, sex is sex -- if you like it, gotta have it. I think your husband's issue is that he's not compelled to have sex with his wife -- it's more him than you.
Either he has a low sex drive or prefers to release in other ways, like by himself since its faster and less complicated. This is a likely reason -- a more unlikely reason is that he may be interested or involved with someone else since you've grown a little apart over time. Try to read the tea leaves.
2007-03-17 16:42:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have 4 children back to back I'm sure that you're busy, and probably let yourself go. I know how hard it is to put on a bra and lipstick at the end of the day when children tug you from left to right.
You have to be confident, and put on something nice, do your hair and put on a little lipstick. Your husband any man for that matter likes visual stimulation. You don't have to wear a g-string and high heels, but put a little extra effort in your appearance and carry your head high; It's a privilege to give a man 4 children. Don't be so hard on yourself, when you feel good mentally you will make an effort in other areas. Don't worry it will all work out. Best of luck.
2007-03-17 15:55:23 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife is in a similar situation, and I have to agree with your husband, we are the opposite of women for the most part, as the years go by, your sexual peakiness skyrockets, our libido sinks like the Titanic. Also he can be really tired, depending on the job that he does etc. However, my wife joined a gym and has been really working out and I notice the difference. She has a trainer and she keeps asking me if she should re-up and I tell her yes. With a Trainer she or he will work you harder than you will work by yourself, plus it is by appointment so you are more inclined to go. Also get him in the gym, when I started working out again, I saw my sexual libido go up as well. If anything I always tell my wife, do it for yourself. It is not gonna get any easier and with all the health risks involved in being overweight, just craziness. Good Luck with it, feel free to message me if you have any more questions.
2007-03-17 15:39:34 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
well he won't stop loving you, but yeah weight gets in the way with sex. i'm big and i know that if i was thin, things would be different...tho i have someone who loves me unconditionally, it's still not sexy. but maybe it's really not your weight, could be somethin else. and it IS an excuse having those pregnancies...wowzer :)
2007-03-17 15:43:03 · answer #6 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it WILL affect sex and everything else
i know from experience
talk to your doctor about a diet and exercise program
2007-03-17 15:29:14 · answer #7 · answered by bronzebabekentucky 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
wow, 75lbs... that's a lot of belly action.
try doing it with the lights out.
also, try losing weight. move the refrigerator into the back yard.
2007-03-17 15:37:15 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 5⤋
Doesn't bother me i kind of like fat bottom girls but i like all woman you all amuse me so much.
2007-03-17 15:35:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
no, my boyfriend still loves me and wants me even more
2007-03-17 15:31:52 · answer #10 · answered by kat_luvr2003 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋