Emotional Bankruptcy?

Question

What do you do when the tears won't come? I have recently suffered the loss of some loved ones who died unexpectedly at a young age. I haven't really grieved yet. I think of them all of the time, but then I just push the thoughts aside. I don't want to feel the pain, but I know that the sorrow and grief is waiting to envelope me and I'm afraid that it's going to all come down on me when I least expect it. I feel lost and confused. Any advice?

Answer 1

When I lost my brother, whom I was very close to, I did the same thing. Every time I thought about him, I would think of something else so I wouldn't cry. I hated the thought of how he suffered from brain and spinal cancer. Finally my Dr. asked me about it and I said I didn't want to talk about. He looked at me and told me sooner or later I would have to talk about it before I have a nervous breakdown. I told him it was to hard. I've know this Dr. for 25 yrs. He said "I don't care how many patients I have in the waiting room, I'm not leaving until you tell about it. He took my hand and held it then said nothing...just looked at me. That did it, I started to tell him how I felt robbed of my brother, I can't get into the whole thing, it's too long. But I sobbed on his shoulder. You don't need a therapist, but you need an understanding friend who will listen no matter how long it takes. But like my Dr. said, you will suffer a breakdown if you hold it in too long. Now, whenever I think of my brother, I picture him smiling at me. I don't see the pain, only his wonderful face smiling at me. Try it, it's the best way to remember someone. If you need to talk, mail me and I will give you my phone number. I know how important this is and sometimes a stranger is easier to talk to. God bless you.

Answer 2

You need to stop fighting it, or you'll never actually get past it. Try setting aside a time to look at pictures and remember your loved ones alone. It may help you grieve. Another possibility is to talk to someone you trust. If you don't have someone like that, a counselor or therapist could help.

Answer 3

I've lost people I loved and can suggest you watch sad movies, read sad stories--anything to get the tears flowing. The longer you avoid pain, the more closed down you will feel.
Do it now and don't let it build to come out distorted and angry.