Can you help me deal with divorce?

Question

Me and my wife are getting a divorce. She wants to just separate but I cannot deal with her going out to the bars and clubs every week. We have three kids. It all started when I was in Iraq. My wife started going out with female friends that she met. All of them are either divorce single moms or females that can't keep a man because they rather be messing around. We started having a lot of problems because she can't stop going out. She did not used to be like that. But it looks as if she got brain watched with this club and bar scene. I am not a home person. I do like to go out but I am a married man with a family and my responsability is my wife and kids. If she wants to go out then I'll let it be but it is not that easy thinking that the woman I loved wants to live that kind of lifestyle. I have never done nothing to her for her to act like this. Like I said, I am a responsible husband and father. I don't go out trying to cheat on my wife or desrespect her in any way. I s

I have talked to her about it . I told her how bad this was making me feel but she don't care. She just cant stop going out. I try to have her promise not to go out as much but that same weekend she went out twice. It just make me feel bad that after 10 years of me giving my all she acts this way.

This didn't just started. This started haif way though my deployment around June of last year. I just got back in December. And it is still happening.

Answer 1

Because you have kids involved, I would just separate temporarily. The separation might just wake up your wife. Do not leave the house. Make your wife leave the house. Keep the kids yourself. After she parties hard for awhile, it's going to get old, she's going to start missing her kids and her old life.

So, I would hang in there and just go for separation temporarily

Answer 2

Face up to it friend, she got married and was not finished with her single life. Many men and women do this. She probably had this in the back of her mind when she got married, but thought she could adapt to the married life. She found out after marriage that she didn't make the right decision and was unhappy with settling down, responsibility sometimes does that to people. It doesn't mean that you did anything wrong, it only means that she hasn't reached a maturity level that you have. You can overcome this by concentrating on getting your kids a secure and stable home life. They are the most important ones right now. They will also need to depend on you more now if their Mom is busy playing party girl. Take the high road here and get them stable. Once you get through this and a normal routine going, find someone that is a bit more mature to have a companionship with and make sure to get to know her well inside first before having a physical relationship. Take plenty of time(a long time) before committing to someone else.

Answer 3

This is a tough one but why not try to mend instead of helping the break of your marriage. The last thing that you should try doing is breaking the relationship. I mean you love her and I am almost certain that she loves you more than anything as well as her kids. She probably just wants some me time and is feeling a bit pressured as well.
Give it some time and talk to her a bit because giving up is exactly what you shouldn't be doing. I know that this is not the woman that you married and was hoping to come home and meet. You should just try mending things and try getting some counseling. Family counseling I should say. Make a therapist rich and please stop filling the pockets of the divorce lawyers they destroy and the therapists they mend. If you go to someone that will help you that is.

Answer 4

Take the kids and sue her for child support. That'll wake her up. Nothing like a reality check.
The children don't deserve this kind of BS going on. Its a common thing for women that hang out with sleaze to become just like them, full of fantasy.
This same stuff goes on in my community as well. It does cause a lot of divorces.

Answer 5

You sound like a good guy in a bad situation. She sounds like she's having fun and reclaiming her 20s. It has nothing to do with you.

The children are what matters right now. Is she caring for them at all? If she is leaving them alone or not taking care of them, then you need to step up and maybe lobby for custody of them.

Divorce is really hard. I'm so sorry. I hope you're able to move on.

Answer 6

Well, maybe you should have a talk with her about it, if you haven't already. And I don't mean, yelling or cursing about how much time she spends out.

I mean simply sitting down with her, and telling her your feelings. And as cheesy as it sounds, tell her how it makes you feel when she goes out and does such things.

And maybe try to make a compromise with her of some sorts, maybe not going out as much but like once a month you could go out together.

If that doesn't work, maybe you should go to marriage counseling.

Answer 7

what kind of life is this for u? sooner or later if she is going out, she is going to meet someone, i mean that is usually the goal when someone goes out. if your married and have a family its time to give up those things, as they aren't compatible with marriage. if she doesn't care about your feelings than why bother to stay with her, as a marriage is all about working together, being with one man, taking care of family, and if one has other things on their mind that are more important, than the marriage really has no chance.

Answer 8

i hate to tell you this to hurt you more but she's not thinking about your happiness going to bars and stuff you should divorce her and find a nice women who will love you and make you happy

Answer 9

its not you or your kids its who she hang with you may have to give her freedom intell she understand that you not going to put up with its no more good luck

Answer 10

Welcome to the united states of sleazes