Please Help Me?

Question

Yesterday i posted a question asking people to pray for my family. (if you want the details please read my question) Anyway, my uncle died and my aunt is a complete mess. No matter waht we tell her, "he's not suffering any more", "he is with God now", "he is still with us in spirit" nothing works. she just starts crying. She is taking Zanex? would that be right? a nerve pill, anyway, is there ANYTHING to say or do for her to help her get through this. If you want to, read my other question here-
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhcnYmb_HnyS4eAjXKaMm5vsy6IX?qid=20070316163649AAM5rHu

I know she is very sad at this time, i know that and sympathize with her but i was just wondering if there is anything that would make her feel ANY better? I feel useless.............

Answer 1

Your aunt is obviously in a severe state of mourning. She hasn't accepted your uncle's death right now. Listen to her, she doesn't want to hear a reason right now, she is angry that her husband is gone. Sympathize with the fact that she has lost her husband and it will take time for her to grieve. If she starts showing signs of suicide or self harm, take her to the doctor right away for treatment.

Answer 2

Xanax is an antidepressant and anti anxiety medication Since it is only available by prescription, I have to assume that she is under a doctors care. You might want to call and tell him that the problem seems to be out of control. It takes time to accept the finality of a loved ones demise. Everyone does it at a different pace, I have a suggestion for you which helped me very much when my wife died suddenly, Call your Hospital and ask them if they have any Groups for people who have sustained the loss of a loved one. These groups are of enormous help, because your Aunt would be in with individuals who have a similar problem as hers. Besides which, talk therapy does help. Good Luck.

Answer 3

I answered you yesterday too...Unfortunately there is nothing you can say or do to make her feel at ease....Her taking zanax is a common thing when someone loses a loved one...(I take them also) She is mourning her husband the best you can do is stand by her side and be there for her.. when she starts getting really worked up you may want to have hose pills handy...Especially at the viewing & funeral...When she see's him there she may get all worked up so make sure she is medicated before going in there (If your going to do that)...

I speak with experience when I tell you this...I took a zanax before my sons viewing...then I thought I would be ok for the funeral and didnt take it...believe me I freeked out!...

Stay by her side no matter what just sit back and listen instead of trying to tell her things she dosnt want to hear right now...
God Bless~

Answer 4

How about just sitting quietly with her and not saying anything. Even though she knows he is not suffering any more and has gone to be with god that doesn't make the lonliness and heartache any better. Your aunt is hurting and very sad as well. Give her lots of time to greive and just be there for her without saying much unless she wants to talk.

Answer 5

Your aunt needs to cry. Its ok. Sometimes she'll be brave but so close to her husband's death she will more likely cry...often...even when you think she is getting over it. She will be a mess. Its human. You don't spend years with a person and then 'grin and bear it' when they pass away. Tears are sometimes the only medicine that can heal the spirit.

Answer 6

I am very sorry for your loss. Everyone has two homes one here on earth with this family and one with God when he gets lonely he calls us home. Let your aunt deal with her grief, there is really no comfort other than to be there for her. Let her talk, and listen more important, and do things you know will help her. Everyone has to deal with grief in their own way. His body is gone but his spirit is in your heart forever. God bless and put angels on your pillows.

Answer 7

Time is the only thing that will help her at this point I'm sorry to say.Just let her know you love her and help her around the house or do some shopping for her.Time is the only thing that heals a broken heart .

Answer 8

My deepest sympathies and prayers to you, your aunt, and the rest of your family/friends.
My uncle passed away last November from cancer, and my aunt also had a very difficult time (she was dependent on nerve pills for a long time during and afterwards).
I love the previous answerer's advice about just becoming a constant, but quiet, presence for your aunt. Be there for her, sit with her, listen to her. My aunt would blab constantly to my dad, in-person and on the phone, on topics that were usually unrelated to my uncle and his illness/passing, but my dad always listened becasue, as he said, "she just needs someone to be there to listen to her."
This next task is difficult, because of the upcomming weddings of her children. She is going through very overwhelming changes right now, so keeping her life and surroundings as calm and predictable is very important--she is dealing with a lot as it is. (It is recommended that a bereft person not make any major life changes/decisions for at least a year after a close loved one has passed). Unfortunately, life does not always make it easy to follow textbook recommendations.
I would try to encourage her children to make her feel involved in their wedding preparations, but in a postive way. i.e. try not to place important decisions/stressful problems or situations on the mother/aunt's shoulders. the littlest thing could be very upsetting to her. (my aunt called our house a few times in tears over the smallest thing being out of place!)
Try to help her welcome the postiive changes in her life (her children's lives are entering a new and exciting period! they have found the loves of their lives and have bright futures--new homes, grandchildren--to share with her!) Above all, be gentle with her (as I'm sure you are!!). Perhaps find a way to honor the father's memory at the weddings--light a candle for him, have him "symbolically" approve the bond, etc. etc., whatever you people are comfortable with.
Just please try not to overwhelm her in this difficult time. Focus on the good things and try to maintain a constant presence/listening ear in her life. She probably does not want to hear "words of wisdom" or much like that right now. Just let her talk; grief is a long process and she will slowly put herself back together.
Perhaps try to keep a good and open relationship with her doctor; the last thing you want is for her to be over-prescribed nerve medication or do become too dependent on them.
Just try not to rush her and definitely let her talk about her husband when she feels good and ready. Try to focus on the postive changes surrounding her, while understanding she is going through very painful changes herself.
I hope this blabber makes some sense and that you can gain useful points from it.
Please, take care and my prayers are with you all.

response to your extra info:
-try to get her out of the house if she is up to it. even if it's just for coffee, or a walk around the block.
-give her some good hugs (if she's a touchy-feely type) and keep telling her how much she means to the family and that you all know she is a very strong person. Please make her feel like she still has a very strong support system in her family, and that you all have faith in her ability to mourn her husband in a healthy way. She might feel like she is failing her family by being so emotional/"weak"--assure her the opposite. Tell her about her positive characteristics; her self-esteem might be suffering just like her heart is right now.

Answer 9

i recommend Joe Land subliminal tapes or CDs, either positive thinking or enthusiasm or both.