My bf and i are going to have a baby. Things aren't great between us and we're only going to remain in contact for the baby. Right now we're in college and as soon as i graduate i'm moving home to be near family (10 states away.) He doesnt want to transfer or move there but he still thinks he can be a good father and plans on visiting twice a year during vacation. Is it possible to be a good father if you see you're child only when convenient?
2007-03-17 13:54:31 · 19 answers · asked by Freaked out 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He can be a father, certainly not a "Dad". If he is paying child support, visiting twice a year, etc., it will seem in his mind that he is doing his part. Children are never "conveinence". They are a part of your life 24-7-365!!! While he may try and convince himself that it will be sufficient, that child will learn soon enough that a father and a Dad are two completely different things. ANYONE can father a child. Get ready for the most of the child rearing to fall to your shoulders.
2007-03-17 14:00:27 · answer #1 · answered by Austins Mom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Perhaps over time he will realize that he needs to move in order to be a really good father. How can you possible have a relationship with a child you only see twice a year? I mean, sure, you can have a relationship, but I wouldn't classify that as a good father. It would be more like an uncle or other relative that you only see twice a year. I hope you have some good male role models in that family you are moving close to be with.
2007-03-17 14:50:08 · answer #2 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a young child, he wont bond with the baby. Thats the important thing. I would say its short lived.
Once he sees the baby not recognizing him, it wont last long. Just my opinion, but I would about bet on it.
Twice a year as a teenager may not be too bad. There could be some bonding happening later in life.
But, I think a guy can be a good father no matter how far they are away from them if they make the effort. Like plenty of phone calls, photos, vacations, birthday cards and gifts. You just have a big back yard.
Good luck.
2007-03-17 14:03:11 · answer #3 · answered by Truth Teller 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your boyfriend supposed to move when ever you decide? This time, a year from now, 10 years from now??? That is not fair to him. You will need to take some responsibility for that decision and not blame him alone if things are not as perfect as you think they should be. Are you willing to let the child visit him during the summer? That is a distinct possibility if you move that far away. If he wants to take responsibility, let him. If you don't, your child will see it as he gets older. And, if you move across the country, don't expect the father to be the only one to make the effort (time, money, etc) to see his child. You will have to have a role in that too. After all, YOU are choosing to move away. I understand the need to have support from your family. Just remember that a non-custodial parent is limited when the custodial parent chooses to move across country. I hope you allow the father to call as often as he wants, visit as much has he can, and have the child visit when he/she gets older.
2007-03-17 14:53:31 · answer #4 · answered by TMOM 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no matter what anyone says, eventually, the kid will want to have some kind of relationship with his/her father, it is always always always the case. If the father is already willing at this stage to be in the kid's life, great. It does not mean you shouldn't look to find someone else, it just means that a relationship with the birth father will be something your child will want, and you should encourage a positive one if possible. If he doesn't want to be anything more than that, there's nothing you can do except hope he changes his mind once the baby is born and wants to be more involved with his own flesh and blood. Good luck!
2007-03-17 14:02:25 · answer #5 · answered by Captain Chaos 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a tough spot. You need to find a real dad for your baby and for you. You need to allow your baby to know about the biological father, but understand why the real father is not around and why the dad is. Those reasons all center around which man really loves you and have very little to do with the baby. The real father is not that responsible and is probably just immature and thinks his whole life will be messed up by having a family right now. If he really loved you he could arrange to transfer and be a family man and still pursue his career plans, it just would be more difficult and may require slowing down his progress in school. Maybe he will see the light later, but don't wait around for him at this point. It is obvious that he is not husband material at this point. YOu need to go on with your life and date as much as possible. You could end up with the perfect husband and dad, perhaps one that is a few years further along in college who can afford to settle down sooner and be there for you and your baby as you baby grows each day.
2007-03-17 14:13:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
why would you categorize his reasons for traveling twice a year convenient? why can't you relocate? why do you expect for him to be the one to move? he said he wants to be there, and he is willing to travel. in grown up world, people who work only get to travel during vacations.
what are you willing to do to make sure that your child has a constant relationship with his/her father? are you going to travel once a month since he can only travel twice a year?
you are about to bring another human being into this world. obviously, this was not a planned event. don't bring someone who is innocent into a situation that based on the tone and content of your message, is going to be a bumpy ride.
oh and to answer your question, YES a guy can be a great dad even if he lives in another country. as long as BOTH parents work as hard in making that happen. if you screw him over just because you are pissed, this will come back to bite you in the *** down the road. kids have a way of collecting what is due to them.
2007-03-17 14:11:57 · answer #7 · answered by la21unica 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, he can be distant friend. A father is a parent, parents actually parent their children, one cannot do that only seeing the child twice a year. They can only visit, there will be no meaningful relationship. Relationships take lots of time and bonding.
That is not to say you are doing the wrong thing at all, only you will know what is best for your baby, listen to yourself and not everyone who will give you advice.
2007-03-17 14:02:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No way possible. If the father is going to be estranged, he needs to at least see the kids every other weekend as soon as possible. Otherwise, it's just a show.
I know fathers who are no good and live right there in the house, however.
2007-03-17 14:04:07 · answer #9 · answered by SnowWebster2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You could pay child support, but not be a good father. You would just be a person that visitted the child every once in a while. NOT A DAD.
2007-03-17 13:59:29 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋