any tips would be helpful?

Question

my husband and i are trying to work on our communication skills with each other, because when we dont we end up in stupid little fights that start for the same reason...bad communication.
anything would be helpful because he and i know that this is something we need to improve in.

Answer 1

Start sentences with "I feel..." or "I would like..." rather than saying "You..." it won't put the other person on the defence.

Answer 2

you are on the right track here. Communication is 99% of any problem. To get better at it try starting any conversation in discussing a problem with, "I love you very much but, ________________________". Keep everything as calm and collected as possible and don't try to be selfish with the time talking. Give each other a chance to answer to anything that is brought up. Also when you find yourselves repeating something more than twice it develops into an argument and ceases to be a conversation. The best people at debating are those that can find some common ground in what their opposite is saying. You've got to learn to concede to the truths that are told to you as well as what is false. If you tell someone that you agree in part with what they are saying they will be more receptive to what you say as well. You may not win every disagreement, but it will also become more of talking to each other instead of at each other. Congratulations - you have already accomplished what some couples take a lifetime doing - learning to associate mentally with each other instead of just physically. If you keep this up you could be one of those 55 to 65 year marriages.

Answer 3

The best way to communicate is to sit down and talk calmly with each other and choose your words wisely before speaking. Do not be upset or mad when you try to talk to each other. Talk calmly and in regular tones and voices. When you want to talk say i would like to talk about. I feel this way when.... Or something like that. Try marriage counseling as well and a counselor can also teach you how to communicate better with each other in ways that you never thought that you could. Good luck to the both of you and I sure hope you can learn to communicate with each other better over time and that you marriage and relationship will improve. Try talking over dinner when you are both calm and also talking before sleeping at night is good as well and a nice quite and calm time. Do not ever go to bed angry with each other. I give you both alot of credit for trying to make your communication and life together better and marriage better. We could all learn from your example here . Hugs to the both of you.

Answer 4

Have a set time every night for a set period of time every night (example: 9:00pm for 30 minutes) for talking. I'd start with simple things like "how was your day"? then after a few nights of being able to communicate how your day was and what interesting things happened to you that day i'd incorporate 5 minutes for each of you to discuss topics of discussion that are weighing on you. (For example, let's say you would like for him to take his clothes to the laundry room rather than leaving them in a pile in the bathroom and he would like if you spent less money and buy shoes less often). then that would leave 20 minutes of chatting about your day and 10 minutes total of discussing sensative subjects. After the 30 minutes are over don't mention the sensative subjects again. And remember to leave plenty time after to hug and cuddle and love. Also, maybe 1 night a week you could plan to go out to dinner or listen to some music somewhere to distract you both from the mortgage payments, laundry, dishes and household responsibilities. Hold hands, show eachother affection. Also, leave a notebook on each side of the bed where you can write loving notes to eachother or little notes of appreciation (example: thank you for putting an extra blanket on me last night when it was cold or hey you look really sexy in those boxers, sign your names with hearts or smiley faces or X's n O's). i think couples have communication breakdown when their communication comes down to...did you pay the mortgage payment? did you put gas in the car? It gets a bit boring and you forget to just kiss eachother for no reason or hug eachother because you pass eachother in the hallway. Do some things differently, if he's taking a shower jump in with him, suprise him with a new nightie, buy him some silk boxers n leave them on the bed with a note saying "hey baby, after we talk tonight model these for me". We forget to have fun because we are so tired after work, kids, bills, mowing the lawn, doing the laundry, dishes.........Spend more quality, fun time together and then the communication will come naturally because your mood will brighten and you'll both feel like chatting it up with one another. Good luck!

Answer 5

Try to be truthful and honest about something right from the start. If it doesn't feel right don't go along with it just for the sake of avoiding conflict. In the end these thing grow and become a bigger problem.

Answer 6

If you're both aware of it & the fights are meaningless, just laugh & say "here we go again" when they start. Just ask him if he wants to argue or if he'd rather kiss you. Basically, just don't argue, it doesn't solve anything & upsets both of you. You have both got to change your attitudes if you want to resolve this.

Answer 7

sit down and talk to each other make a effort to actually listen when the other expresses something wrong with the other

Answer 8

Be patient and don't interrupt when he's trying to communicate his feelings to you. Choose your words with sensitivity.

Answer 9

don't be shy when talking to each other. Talk to each other as adults. Talk about work, sex, the future, whatever, just be honest and open.

Answer 10

Take long, hot baths together. That's when my wife and I talk about all kinds of stuff.