Does anyone have help on how to be less shy?

Question

I have been shy my entire life and its really hard to change. I really want to be able to talk like everyone else but there is like this barrier stopping me.

Answer 1

I was the same way. Now I talk too much. Try to smile and talk one on one with someone you like ,the weather,etc. Stay away from groups until you get more comfortable.

Answer 2

I remember I was really really shy in elementary school because I was afraid I would say the "wrong thing." However, if you speak your mind and show your true colors, people might actually like you for who you truly are- a interesting person who has a lot to talk about.
I'm usually shyest around strangers but think about it this way- talk and don't be afraid to make a fool of yourself because chances are, you might never see this stranger again and they will not remember you at all! Make the moment count and don't hide back. In this century, leadership and "people" skills are needed. Start practicing to be more outgoing now. Good luck

Answer 3

I was really shy too, I dont think you ever totally get over it but it can get better. I am in college and figure I am going to have to talk sometime :) I just try to think that if people do not like what I have to say then oh well, the people who are the most inportant to me is what matters, they are going to be there forever. I found that the more you talk, the more people want to hear what you have to say.

Answer 4

This always works for me in new settings. Smile, genuinely smile. No one can refuse an honest smile. Eventually, people will speak to you and you'll then have the confidence to speak first. To make friends, you must first show yourself friendly. Make positive comments about them, or crack a little sly joke. But always be honest, don't make up stuff. If you don't like their hair, don't tell them their hair looks nice. Mention what you honestly are intrigued about. I find some folk may be standoffish and really nice people will embrace you. Trust me its easy...be like NIKE, and just DO IT. (See corny, but it made you think it was corny. I would come back and say that was corny, huh. But actually, I really meant what I said. I know I'm corny, but it works.

Answer 5

I think that you should be yourself. If you feel shy, then be shy. You shouldn't change yourself to make others like you. Someone will come along whehter male or female, friend or companion, that you will feel so comfortable with enough to shed you shy ways but until then just be yourself. Who knows that special someone that you don't know who it is yet might find your shyness an irresistable quality. Best wishes and take care.

Answer 6

Do things that you wouldnt normally do. I know this kid in school who is really shy, wont say a thing, so I was like naw this kid is mute, then he said that he wasnt, I felt bad first time I heard him talk. Wanna be like this?

Answer 7

I think mostly it just takes practice. Maybe you just don't have anything to say. Taking that first step is always tough for some people.

Answer 8

Jack and coca-cola. Repeat as necessary.

Answer 9

Young People Ask . . .

Why Can’t I Be More Outgoing?

“Being shy is paralyzing. It’s a gripping fear that you have to deal with. It is so real.”—Richard.

“I had a real problem with shyness when I was growing up. It was just like I was in my own little world.”—18-year-old Elizabeth.

‘IS SOMETHING wrong with me? Why can’t I be more outgoing?’ Do you sometimes ask yourself these questions? Like Richard, quoted above, you may feel nervous or anxious when you meet someone new. You may cringe when you are around people in authority. Or maybe you worry so much about what others are thinking about you that when you are given a chance to express your feelings or opinions, you clam up. “I find it really hard to go up and talk to people I don’t know really well,” admits young Tracey.

Just what lurks behind such feelings? Understanding the problem may be the first step in conquering it. (Proverbs 1:5) One woman said: “I never knew why I felt uneasy around people. But now that I have identified what my problem is, I can take it from there.” So let’s look at a few reasons why some youths may find it difficult to be outgoing.

The Problem of Shyness

Shyness is probably the most common reason. While an outgoing youth usually enjoys a variety of friendships, a shy, withdrawn youth can feel lonely and isolated. “I had a real problem with shyness when I was growing up,” says 18-year-old Elizabeth. “It was just like I was in my own little world.” Diane remembers the stresses she faced in her first year of high school. “I didn’t like being noticed. I had a teacher who had us rate how important we felt it was to be popular. On a scale of zero to five, zero meant not important at all and five meant important. All the girls who were popular in school put five. I put zero. For me, shyness was almost a fear of being popular. You don’t want to be noticed or to be the center of attention because you are afraid others might not like you.”

Of course, a tendency to be a bit shy is not altogether a bad thing. Closely related to shyness is modesty—an awareness of our limitations. We are actually commanded in the Bible to be ‘modest in walking with our God.’ (Micah 6:8) A person who is modest or even somewhat shy may be easier to be around than someone who is overbearing, aggressive, or demanding. And while it is true that there is “a time to speak,” there is also “a time to keep quiet.” (Ecclesiastes 3:7) Shy people may have little trouble keeping quiet. Because they tend to be “swift about hearing [and] slow about speaking,” they are often appreciated by others as good listeners.—James 1:19.

All too often, though, a youth is so quiet, shy, or bashful that he or she has difficulty making friends. And in some extreme cases, shyness can create what one writer calls “a kind of neurotic self-imprisonment”—social isolation.—Proverbs 18:1.

Shyness—A Common Problem

If you are afflicted with shyness, realize that it is a very common problem. In one study of high-school and college students, “82 percent of the students regarded themselves as shy at some point in their lives.” (Adolescence, by Eastwood Atwater) Shyness was a problem for some even in Bible times. Men of stature, such as Moses and Timothy, may have battled with it.—Exodus 3:11, 13; 4:1, 10, 13; 1 Timothy 4:12; 2 Timothy 1:6-8.

Consider Saul, the first king of the ancient nation of Israel. Normally Saul was a brave man. When his father lost his flock of animals, Saul boldly set out on a rescue mission. (1 Samuel 9:3, 4) But when he was appointed king of the nation, he suddenly had an attack of shyness. Rather than face the cheering crowds, Saul hid among the luggage!—1 Samuel 10:20-24.

Saul’s apparent lack of self-confidence may seem puzzling. After all, the Bible describes him as a striking, handsome young man. Why, “from his shoulders upward he was taller than all the people”! (1 Samuel 9:2) Furthermore, God’s prophet had assured Saul that Jehovah would bless his reign as king. (1 Samuel 9:17, 20) Even so, Saul felt unsure of himself. When told that he would be king, he modestly replied: “Am I not a Benjaminite of the smallest of the tribes of Israel, and my family the most insignificant of all the families of the tribe of Benjamin? So why have you spoken to me a thing like this?”—1 Samuel 9:21.

If someone like Saul could lack self-confidence, it is little wonder that you might be somewhat lacking in confidence at times. As a young person, you are at a stage of life when your body is changing rapidly. You are just beginning to learn how to function in the world of adults. It is only natural, then, for you to feel a bit self-conscious and insecure at times. Dr. David Elkind wrote in Parents magazine: “During early adolescence, most young people go through a period of shyness, when they develop what I call an imaginary audience—the belief that others are watching them and are preoccupied with their appearance and actions.”

Since young people are often judged on their looks by their peers, many fret about their appearance. (Compare 2 Corinthians 10:7.) Too much concern about one’s looks, however, is unhealthy. A young woman in France named Lilia recalls her own experience in this regard: “I had a problem that many young people have. I had acne—pimples! You do not dare to go up to others because you are worrying about what you look like.”

A Vicious Circle

Because shy people are often misunderstood, they can easily be trapped in a cycle of isolation. The book Adolescence observes: “Shy adolescents have more trouble making friends because they are often misperceived by others in a negative way. Shy persons tend to be regarded as aloof, bored, disinterested, condescending, cold, and hostile. When treated accordingly, they may feel even more isolated, lonely, and depressed.” Inevitably, this causes them to behave even more shyly, which, of course, only reinforces the misimpression that they are snobs or that they are stuck-up.

Of course, since as a Christian you are “a theatrical spectacle to the world,” you should be concerned about the impression you give to others. (1 Corinthians 4:9) Do you avoid eye contact when talking to others? Does your posture and body language send out the message that you want to be left alone? Then realize that others may misread you and tend to avoid you. This can make it all the more difficult to develop friendships.

Other Factors

Yet another common problem is the fear of failure. True, it is perfectly normal to feel a little insecurity or hesitancy when you are doing something that is new, outside your sphere of experience. But some youths take this to extremes. As a youth, Gail was what she calls a social phobic. She says: “I wouldn’t comment in class. And my parents were constantly being bombarded with comments like, ‘She doesn’t raise her hand. She doesn’t speak up.’ For me, it was very uncomfortable and stressful to do that. You know, even now it’s still hard for me.” Fear of failure can be paralyzing. “I’m worried about making mistakes,” says a youth named Peter. “I’m not really sure about what I’m doing.” Brutal teasing and criticism from peers can aggravate personal fears and cause lasting damage to a youth’s self-confidence.

A lack of social skills is another common problem. Perhaps you hesitate to introduce yourself to someone new, simply because you do not know what to say. It may surprise you to know that even older ones feel socially awkward at times. A businessman named Fred says: “In the business world, I know how to do what I do really well. If I just talk about business, I have no reservations about presenting a good image. But when I drift off into social conversation with the same people, I’m hesitant. I might be pegged as boring or bookish or too technical or not very interesting.”

Whether you are shy, self-conscious, or just socially awkward, it is to your advantage to learn how to be more outgoing. The Bible encourages Christians to “widen out” and to get to know others! (2 Corinthians 6:13) But how can you do it? This will be discussed in a future issue.