He really is a nice guy. I'm a softy, and wondering if I'm making excuses for him.
He's been married twice.Although a professional with a good job (has a Master's) he is very broke. He has kids 17 and 18, so I understand child support, though she's remarried. Later 2 stepkids.Do stepdads pay child support? I know they are on his insurance.
When we met he shared a sm.house.He had to move out, and is without a place, and not looking.He is staying in his office,or 'crashes' at someone's house.
It wasn't obvious, but now is that often he doesn't have money when we go places. We discussed it, and he mentions his bills, but it doesn't really add up. He showed me some investments thru work, and puts EXTRA toward them for retirement!
Though much more to do in his city,we live an hr apart, he comes here and we stay at my house, he washes clothes, etc. I end up paying a lot but am strained myself.
Am I being to harsh in thinking someone our age should have their life together mor
2007-03-17 13:10:03 · 19 answers · asked by Marie123 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
yes, someone that age should have their life together. but, u never know, what might happend. peoples dreams get crashed everyday. i would probably tried to help him, but made it clear to him, that i wont let him use me. i would help him to try to get back to normal life, but if i could see he isnt really trying himself, i would leave then.
2007-03-17 14:15:09 · answer #1 · answered by Eli 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stepparents don't pay child support. He should only be paying child support for the 17 year old too, depending on what state you're in.
I suspect that he has money management problems, and maybe a gambling habit. All of that money doesn't just disappear.
Someone your age should be on track, but sometimes they aren't. Do you care about this guy? Do you think he is willing to seek financial help?
If you do stay together and get married, be careful. You don't want to marry his debt or be his sugar momma.
2007-03-17 14:27:53 · answer #2 · answered by Ask Aunt Amy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are not out of line in thinking you want somebody better. He may be a nice guy but it sounds like his life is spinning out of control. He may be the type of guy who eventually moves in with you while you pay the rent, all the bills, all the groceries, do all the cleaning - while he tries to figure things out. Don't go there - don't support him - don't make it easy for him not to try - don't spend any more time on someone who is obviously on the down side of things, until he starts putting his life together again. When you are doing something to help someone, you can easily become the workhorse for them - don't do it. Especially now that it is taking from you.
NOTE: For those who criticize these responses for you to move on, I would like to bring to their attention the big clue here - "... is without a place, and not looking ..." that is the most telling. Many people get into tough places and can accept help from others, but they should never expect other people to spoon feed them, nor should they give up trying. This man sounds like he's given up trying. And the final point is this woman has said "... I end up paying a lot but am strained myself." We should never let ourselves be overwhelmed trying to help others who are not helping themselves. The point is to help, not to become undone ourselves. We all can have times in our lives when everything goes upside down - we should never stop trying.
2007-03-17 13:21:46 · answer #3 · answered by Isabel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
all I can say is wow!!.Why in the world would you find this man's behavior and lifestyle acceptable??. I have never seen such blatant immaturity on his part and enabling on yours. For the love of all mankind; drop this pathetic excuse for a man and find someone more deserving of your kindness and support. I know we all go through changes and life circumstances, but this guy seems to love whatever mess he's wallowing around in. Walk away; better yet run. Good luck and i hope you take all the good advice you've been given from me and the other answerers.
2007-03-17 13:24:12 · answer #4 · answered by softlyinspired 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would find out if he has a record.He might also be a drug user alcoholic and or a gambler.Ask his Ex. He must have some kind of issues. Typically these people might not have a drivers license either. If he's honest he might tell you with tears in his eyes especially if he's really desperate. This question makes me nervous already.If he steals your money or any of your things, I would say a drug addict more than likely. Look for any bad habits. If he says he works and he's broke I would doubt he's really working anyway.
2007-03-17 13:47:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know, a really broke guy cant really save some for his retirement.
If you live in the Philippines you will know how difficult life really is without money.
In my country homeless people with family can even afford a very very simple cheap gift.
2007-03-17 13:25:26 · answer #6 · answered by don q 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, certainty of the project is... you're getting used. He does no longer ought to pay help for little ones that does no longer belong to him. he's merely irresponsible and you're footing the invoice. If he's putting greater suitable away for retirement, then he have money. supply up washing his outfits and supply up letting him crash at your place, supply up finding out to purchase nights out at the same time. in case you desire to be taken care of with kindness from a guy, then bypass discover one the can deliver something to the table. this is exceedingly unhappy that he artwork well-known, pay help, placed away money for the destiny and would not have a place to place his head. Why do you think of he has been divorced two times? close your handbag string and enable him get a life. He has one... this is conning you out of each and every of the failings he desire in life.
2016-10-18 23:05:03 · answer #7 · answered by dusik 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he is worried too much about putting money away for retirement and not now. Since you are footing the bill for everything, what does he have to worry about now? Think this over carefully and put your foot down, he needs to take responsibility for himself, which he apparently has been satisfied the way he is living now.
2007-03-17 14:10:16 · answer #8 · answered by elimayme 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think it's wonderful that you have compassion for this man, but if he's not worried about where he's gonna lay his head, neither should you!. Do not ALLOW him to take advantage of your good nature, after a while it just becomes enabling. He is a man and MEN are SUPPOSED to stand on their own 2 feet. Sounds like you're of the verge of resenting him, so don't let it go that far. Good LUck!
2007-03-17 13:16:23 · answer #9 · answered by FemFatale 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Of course the child support is understandable..but where is the rest of his money going? His priorities seem like they're messed up. You have to think what's best for yourself. He has enough money to save for his retirement but when it comes to buying you dinner, he's short of cash? That shows you right there who he's thinking of first.
2007-03-17 13:15:07 · answer #10 · answered by Nikki 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋