My 16 month old still does not sleep through the night. Is it too late to try the cry it out method?

Question

In fact, he has been sleeping in our bed for the past month since I grew tired of getting up and rocking him back to sleep a few times per night. I need some suggestions of some tried and true methods of getting toddler to stay asleep in his own bed.

Answer 1

Spoiled, schmoiled.

Babies the world over have traditionally been breastfed in terms of *years* rather than months, have co-slept with their parents because that was the safest, warmest, most secure place to be. Only in the last 100-150 years with the Industrial Revolution and the advent of women working *outside* the home (plus the development of alternate infant milk products), have babies been imposed upon to try and fit into *our* routines and lifestyles. When I look at the lack of emotional connection in families over the past several decades, I can see the failings of this grand experiment in human development.

Babies need closeness and touch almost as much as they need food. It is well documented that babies who are not touched, do not grow well, do not *thrive*. I believe that babies cannot possibly be held "too much", that what they show a need for, is just the right amount for each individual baby. Some babies need lots of holding and closeness, some need less. Some will outgrow it sooner (only a very few, by the time they hit their first birthday), and some later, but in my experience, *most* of them are well on their way towards being the independent little people we all desire for them to be, somewhere between 2 and 3 years old.

All six of my own children co-slept with my husband and I. They were all nursed when they were hungry, soothed and comforted off to sleep, and again in the night when they awoke needing comfort. Why should their needs have disappeared, once they had reached that "magical" first birthday? Yes, they "needed" me and weren't happy unless they could have me-- for a time-- but babies whose needs are met, are able to outgrow them in their own time. I gently transitioned all of my little co-sleepers out of my bed around their 2nd birthday; some a little before, some a little after. During the transition, they were allowed to come back in if they seemed to need the closeness, and also if they awoke in the night, it was only natural to comfort them back to sleep again. But when I respected their needs and fulfilled them, eventually those needs *were* outgrown.

I don't believe anyone who knows my children could call them "spoiled" nowadays. They are all weaned, sleeping on their own (and through the night!), and far from "spoiled"-- from my "baby" who is almost 3 years old, up to my teenager, almost 14. In fact, we are considered by many who know us to be the stricted parents on the block! The trick to it, is to know when the time is right to start imposing limits, to know when the child is almost ready to move on and outgrow the need, and to encourage it in a consistent way that is respectful of the child and the need.

Co-sleeping may have started out for you in a way that simply made it easier for you to get your child to fall asleep. But now your baby is used to your presence at night, he knows the security and comfort of being near you and he doesn't want to give it up! And rightly so, I say! You may view co-sleeping as a method you tried in desperation that brought you to this point, but you can certainly start to view it now as a consistent approach to handling your baby's bedtime and nighttime needs. If you apply some limits, you may find yourself much happier in the long run for not allowing it to be something you feel your baby is "manipulating" you into.

Some limits you could consider:

Starting out in his own bed (after being cuddled/comforted to sleep), but allowed to join you in bed if/when he awakens

Starting out in your bed, but with limits on what you'll do or how much time you'll spend actively getting him off to sleep. Go through your normal bedtime routine; bath, diaper change & jammies, brush teeth... then one story, and that's it. Or two lullabies, or ten minutes in the rocking chair, or whatever. After that, you only lie next to him quietly without offerring anything other than your presence until he falls asleep.

Sure, there have been plenty of babies who end up being more in control of the process than the parents, which makes for an unhappy situation all around, but by taking the control back into your own hands, you can take a situation which *is* in fact beneficial, but is possibly not as much in your control as it should be, and turn it around to be a positive thing for both you and your baby. Simply by placing limits when it's appropriate to begin doing so. The trick is, you have to know who is the parent, and who is the baby being intentionally "spoiled". The people you see on SuperNanny with the whiny, clingy kids? They are NOT the ones in charge! Their kids are in charge of the whole household, and they know it. And the parents don't have what it takes to stand up and BE the PARENTS.

I say, baby your baby. What he's wanting right now is NOT unreasonable-- he wants to be close to you, to feel secure with you as he drifts off to sleep. But if you know that it is YOUR choice to fill this need until he outgrows it, and you are strong enough to begin putting limits on it and eventually transitioning him into his own bed, you won't find yourself on a reality TV show months (or years) down the road with a demanding, whiny clinger. You'll find yourself with an independent, confident child who knows he can count on his mother to be there when he needs her.

Best of luck and many blessings to you!

Answer 2

There are gentler ways to get your child to sleep in their own bed than letting them cry it out and most of us don't like that method. Try being with them for the first time until they are asleep. Next couple of nights, be with them until nearly asleep. Continue until you leave the room with them awake. They will then learn to settle on their own but you have not had them screaming. To put it another way, how would we feel if we had trouble doing something and needed help and the person we relied on just left us there to sort it out on our own. Remember, toddlers are people too and just because they are young does not mean we should treat them any differently. In fact, they would need more help because they are so young rather than the other way around.
I'm talking from experience with my second born who would not sleep in his own bed. This method makes for a happier mum and less distraught toddler. All the best!

Answer 3

Some to try out: A nice warm bath before bedtime or when he's almost asleep place him in his own bed so he gets the idea. But if he does cry out, leave him there for at least a few minutes maybe about 5 minutes and see if he'll stop and just fall back to sleep. If that doesn't work, just try again another time. Also, try reading to him or play some music to get him relaxed or if he's had a really long playful day, hopefully he'll find himself waking up in his own bed and get use to it. Just try each time it fails and remember to remain calm :)

Answer 4

How many naps does the child take during the day? I would try rearranging the schedule and see if that helps. Also, maybe start a bedtime routine. Like we have dinner, then we read books, listen to soft music, get a bath, have a snack, brush teeth, place in bed, say prayers, and then we turn on a storybook CD and leave the room. At, first it took awhile, but it is wonderful now!

Also make sure to see if the child is to cold or to hot.
Best of luck...

Answer 5

Realize that your child will not be 14 years old and sleeping with you , he will probably want you to drop him off 4 blocks from the movie theater... So think about it this way he started in you, has probably slept with you, sees that you sleep with Daddy, Why should he sleep alone? It's not an easy task, but bribery sometimes works, At least start to put him in his own bed tell him what a big boy he is, what a happy mommy you'll be with a full night sleep and he needs a full night sleep for tomarrows day at the park!!Good Luck

Answer 6

I can't give advice too much on this subject, b/c my 4 month old sleeps through the night & in his own bed.
But you can try giving your son a nice relaxing warm bath, before bedtime. I LOVE the lavender babywash, it's wonderful. Also a nice relaxing CD, with nature sounds & classical music. Both of my kids love our Classical CD, my 7 year old begs for it at bedtime. With my 4 month old, I give him a bigger bottle @ bedtime, then the nice warm bath, then lights out, with a little night light, and the CD. It's been the best bedtime routine, I could've ever come up with.
You can try the cry it out, but I wouldn't let him cry for a long time though. Kids need reassurance that you are there for them.
Good Luck!!

Answer 7

Sorry but the youngster is spoiled and you have to make the cry out method work at this point. Your child is used to you running to the rescue when he wakes up during the night, first off put him back into his own bed, and when he awakes there is no reason for you to attend to him unless he is ill other then that let him cry a little he will be fine, he has to stop being dependent on you throughout the night. By allowing him to sleep with you can cause problems down the line with you and your husband, you can't get intimate with the little one in the bed, so with that being said the little stays in his own bed so you and your husband can work on having another one!Good luck!

Answer 8

Time... he will eventually mature enough to sleep through the night and in his own bed. Right now, he still needs you though.

I have a 14 mo old who still sleeps with me... i never thought he'd sleep through, but hes getting better everyday. Last night he slept from 12am-8am. That is HUGE for us!

Forcing him to sleep alone before hes ready can cause some serious issues... watch his cues and encourage him when you see fit, but don't force. They are only little for such a short time, enjoy it!

Answer 9

NO you MUST let him cry it out, he's NOT too old. He just has had his bad habit reinforced for longer than a younger baby, plus he is more cognizant, so it might be harder (for BOTH of you) than if he was littler. But he CAN be retrained. Put him to bed, with white noise and a nightlight. Leave the room, close the door, and DON'T GO BACK no matter what. He will not be hurt physically by crying, nor will he be scarred emotionally. It is your job as the parent to help him break this habit.

Answer 10

Its never to late for the cry out method. The older the child gets though the longer it will take. My daughter was about 15 months when I got sick of getting up in the nights for bottles....so I let her cry. First night was close to 2 hours! I just kept letting her know I was there. Dont let them think youve abandoned them. Rub there backs but dont pick him up. Ive learned crying will not hurt them it just ids very upsetting for us. The 2nd night will get better and so on. It will probably take about 4-5 days. I watched nanny 911 and trust me it works. Key thing though.....dont change the routine its not fair to your son. Trust me it will work. Good luck.

Answer 11

I found this suggestion in another post. Try reading the book by Elizabeth "The No-Cry Sleep Solution". I bought it and it is starting to help my little girl sleep better at night. The advice in the book is applicable to toddlers as well. Here is a web site on the book http://www.pantley.com/elizabeth/newsletters/sleepbookann.htm look it over and if you think that it will work for you give it a chance.

Here is what some experts say on the cry it out option “Babies are people, extremely helpless, vulnerable, and dependent people. Your baby counts on you to lovingly care for her. When she cries, she is signaling — in the only way she knows how — that she needs you to be with her.
“You know what it feels like to cry in fear or distress. It feels terrible. And it's no different for your baby. When your baby cries he experiences physical changes. His blood pressure rises, his muscles become tense, and stress hormones flood his little body.
“Babies who are subjected to 'cry it out' sleep training do sometimes sleep deeply after they finally drop off. This is because babies and young children frequently sleep deeply after experiencing trauma. This deep sleep shouldn't be viewed as proof of the efficacy of the [cry it out] method but rather evidence of one of its many disturbing shortcomings.”

My favorite:
He awakes in a mindless terror of the silence, the motionlessness. He screams. He is afire from head to foot with want, with desire, with intolerable impatience. He gasps for breath and screams until his head is filled and throbbing with the sound. He screams until his chest aches, until his throat is sore. He can bear the pain no more and his sobs weaken and subside. He listens. He opens and closes his fists. He rolls his head from side to side. Nothing helps. It is unbearable. He begins to cry again, but it is too much for his strained throat; he soon stops. He waves his hands and kicks his feet. He stops, able to suffer, unable to think, unable to hope. Then he falls asleep again.”

Good luck