Am I the reason my mother is lonely? How do I help to make her life more fulfilling?

Question

I'm 19 and about three years ago my mother left her husband of 17 years. Their marriage was one of abuse, both verbal and physical. He was a drunk, he did drugs and he loved to argue and fight with others. My mother truly loved him but I hated her because my life and hers as well as my brothers and sisters were made miserable. Now three years without him my mother is the happiest I've ever seen her and our relationship has grown into something beautiful. I never truly knew my mother until three years ago when our relations ship blossomed into a mother daughter relationship rather than my bitterness and anger attitude towards her.
She's almost 50 and I'm the last one of my siblings to leave home, she'll be left alone, I'm transfering to another college far from home. I blame myself for her lonliness because I pushed and pushed until she left her husband. She doesn't date and I'm afraid she'll chose someone just like him. How do I know if she's lonely? Is it my fault?

Answer 1

No it isn't your fault at all.

Good job on her part for finally getting out of that abusive relationship she was in.

Encourage her to go out and do social activities, church, volunteer at the library, red cross, local charities, there are plenty of things for people to do so that they don't have to be alone.

Also in the course of any of those events she could very well meet someone new.

And if she does end up choosing someone just like him, there is not much you can do, she will have to decide what she will tolerate and what she won't in her relationships, just like you do.


Good luck!

Answer 2

No it's not your fault, she is an adult and old enough to make her own decisions. The change seems to be a good one. We women can do amazing things on our own. It is only when we are young that we feel the need to marry and have a family. Many are widowed but learn to adjust. We all live and grow.no matter what our ages. Each decade of life has it's own journey. and she may not even want to date.Enjoy your life, I'm pretty sure Mom will manage on her own.