Is it ok to marry a divorced man?

Question

I am marrying a man that was my friend for more than 6 years and was married to a woman that ironically I worked with before getting involved with him. I started working with her because I didn't think nothing was gonna happened between me and him. They were having serious marital problems and I was very deppresed because of my breakup with my ex boyfriend. So I found comfort in my friend that now is my fiancee. He ended up divorcing his wife but I saw how she suffered because he asked her for divorce (I was still working with her). She never suspected of me but I quit my job for dignity. I feel very guilty that I was having an affair with him. We really love each other but now she knows that we are together and of course she wants to kill me. I would like to talk to her before marrying him. Am I doing the right thing? They have a child together and I feel guilty. My wedding is in less than 2 months and he makes me very happy. How can I approach her after what I've done. Thanks.

Answer 1

You can't, just leave it alone and think about this if he cheated on her with you what makes you so sure he won't cheat on you with someone else because he told his ex wife he loved her also and he promised her till death do them part.

Answer 2

Kathy P is obviously another home wrecker! You can't be serious with your question! Didn't your mother teach you better than to act like a complete selfish slut? In this age of "instant gratification" there is nothing revered or off limits. We sacrifice morals, families and even children as we rationalize our greedy behavior. Look, I don't wish you ill, but I think you should prepare yourself for a miserable life. Your guilt will only get worse and your marriage will be a house of cards ready to fall at the first sign of trouble. Trust me, the two of you will turn on each other and it will be ugly, but it will be what you deserve. If you really think you have a future with this guy, back off, tell him to look you up in a year and then stay away. If you get together then, at least you can have a clean conscience and your relationship will have a chance. If you don't do this, his child will always see you as the reason her parents divorced. Think of her best interests. Be an adult.

Answer 3

You will need to approach her. There will be alot of hard feelings around, but the child deserves adults around him who are mature and can work together in a positive way. You are in a tough position, because if your affair with this guy did in fact bring about the breakup of the family, the wife and possibly the child will be very resentful...and rightly so. The hope is that everything is resolved...because there are situations like this where you might get married to him and he might end up with a reverse affair with his ex. There needs to be a frank discussion and all issues must be resolved and from now on, all commitments must be honored with integrity. Take care.

Answer 4

I see a lot of different layers to your question and thus any considerate answer will also be complex. I will start with what is going on in your own heart. I believe that we all have an inherent sense of what is right and wrong. Those things which are trully good and worthwhile are never easy. They often take integrity, courage and sacrifice, but the end result is worth while. No one would challenge the pride of someone's parents when they finally see their children graduate, marry or succeed in some meaningful way. It is equally true that the road that brought them to that singular moment in time was long and marked with good choices, hard work and perserverance. The easy road feels good in the short term but the effects can be destructive and demeaning. No one questions the social ills created by smoking or drug addiction for instance. However, I submit that sexual irresponsibility can be an equally slippery slope. Once you surrender character it is a long and difficult climb back to your self respect. This path can lead to many terrible things. STD's, unplanned pregnancy, divorce, and children who feel abandoned and neglected. The children are the real victims in these affairs. I know I was such a child. My own father didn't see me for fifteen years because my mother never forgave him. Mean while so much time was lost that can never be replaced.

Then there is the matter of faith. I realize that I will recieve some criticism for bringing it up but I feel that truth is truth no matter how popular it may or may not be. I have long believed that the Bible is a treasure trove of timeless wisdom. I don't know if the Bible carries any weight with you but it repeatedly speaks against adultery. You could read Matthew 5:27-32. I will enclose this one verse for you as well.

Pr 6:32 He that committeth adultery with a woman is void of understanding: He doeth it who would destroy his own soul.

I also submit that most marriages that begin on this basis do not last. In the US 49% of marriages end in divorce. That percentage rises to 70% in second marriages.

Finally I say this from experience. I married a woman who was divorced. I realize this portion of my response will probably also draw criticism but it is an honest response just the same. Don't misunderstand me. I love my wife and our marriage is strong but it is a constrant challenge on my patience. Marriage is a very complicated thing by itself. When you add in ex-husbands/ wives and their perspective children it becomes exponentially more complex and difficult to deal with. I have nearly come to blows with my wifes ex-husband on several occasions because of his meddling, troublemaking and lack of paying child support. He talks to the children on the phone and interferes with our parental decisions. I am not trying to scare you but I do think that you should do a lot of soul searching before you say "I do."

Answer 5

Try would you feel guilty if you two didn't started dating until after they divorced? Now, if you were part of their problem I can see fully why you are feeling the way you are. Talking to her right now would like pouring salt into an open wound. Honey, if you have any doubts don't go through with the marriage. Well, of course she is angry she must still be in love with him. But she has to move forward since he loves you. If this is on the up and up and you had nothing to do with their marriage problems then relax and enjoy your new life.

Answer 6

Wow, this is a repulsive story! Instead of asking how you can face your co-worker after what you have done, why don't you figure out how to face yourself. Geez. Is it okay to marry a divorced man is not your real question. Your real question is since I slept with a married man is it okay to marry him now that he has left his wife and I say yes because you two deserve one another and the wretched life you will have together.

My fiancee also has several women friends that have been "friends" for years...since his college days and I can assure you that I will be watching them very, very closely if for nothing else than to prepare myself for these types of sordid circumstances. You were leaning on him during your breakup - LOL - now that is a classic statement if I ever heard one.

Answer 7

I agree with Mary O. How would you know iif he wouldn't cheat on u? Just because a man takes u to a church and puts a ring on your finger doesn't mean he's actually listening to the promises he makes. He should feel very guilty for not doing something to save his marriage. And I'm so sorry to say this but you were kind of a loud obstacle, being one of his best friends. Anyways I would have to say it's not okay, especially If he has a KID! I have religious reasons for my comments.

Answer 8

Your sense of guilt speaks volumes of your clean heart. However, you should enjoy your relationship and the fact that you love each other. Perhaps you shouldn't put pressure on you so as to go out and reach to your fiancee's former wife. Chances are that you might have countless opportunities down the road to connect with her. For now, it's not a good move to make.

Answer 9

I DEFINITELY AGREE THERE IS NO REASON FOR YOU TO CONFRONT HER. LIKE THE OTHER GUY SAID, YOU WILL BE SEEING HER SOONER OR LATER, I MEAN BECAUSE THERE IS A CHILD INVOLVED. THEY WERE ALREADY UNHAPPY AND GETTING READY FOR A DIVORCE. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG. OK SO YOU SLEPT WITH HIM, BIG DEAL. DON'T LOOK BACK JUST GO FORWARD. YOU BOTH WERE CLOSE FRIENDS AND NOW YOU ARE IN LOVE. SOUNDS SPECIAL TO ME!! JUST CONCENTRATE ON YOUR WEDDING HUN! I'M VERY HAPPY FOR YOU. IF YOU FEEL THAT GUILTY JUST ASK GOD FOR FORGIVENESS. FOLLOW YOUR HEART. HE MUST REALLY LOVE YOU VERY MUCH TO WANT TO BE MARRIED AGAIN. LET IT BE WITH THE EX. I'M SURE HE WILL STAND BY YOU WHEN THE TIME COMES. GOOD LUCK KATHY

Answer 10

I think that it doesn't matter if he has been married before and has a kid. What matters is that he makes you happy. Happiness is very difficult to find these days.
I have seen very serious relationships develop and become a success on the website www.singleparents123.com , where there are many single parents who want to get into serious relationships. It doesn't stop them from trying to find real love if they didn't succeed the first time.

Thanks

Answer 11

I don't think she wants to talk to you. You had an affair with her husband. You took her child's father away from them.

As for your boyfriend, if he would cheat with you, he will cheat on you. You have started your relationship based on lies. That isn't healthy.

You should leave this woman alone, you have done enough. You ruined her family and stole her husband. You are a home wrecker and should be ashamed to look into the mirror.