His hair is brown, I'd cry if I saw him frown. Or maybe I'd drown, if he looked like a clown.
He is so funny like a day that is sunny.
He loves lacrosse and eating apple sauce. His teeth he does floss, his middle name's Ross.
I wonder if he's jacked, or that on to his computer I've hacked. He is so cute, oh what a hoot, go the owls wrapped snug in towels.
About him I dream, when I see him I scream and beam with delight because he's such a sight! At night there is no light, but his teeth are still white.
He is the man, will he ever understand, my intense longings for him, this summer I shall invite him to swim.
He is the best, I think I'll buy him a vest. Yay!
This is a love poem, to my one true love.
Thank you,
Sincerely,
Lola -15
2007-03-17 12:05:00 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
ha yeah... my friend and i wrote that, its not serious
2007-03-17 12:47:06 · update #1
if you wrote this trying to be funny, then its very cute and funny. if you wrote this trying to be serious, it leaves a lot to be desired. there are easy ways to correct it though and turn it into a formal and beautiful piece of work. for example dont say "his hair is brown" say something with more detail and emotion, maybe something like :
"wisps of mahogony hair fell restlessly upon his face, my eye began to trace the contour of his jawline, if ever his lips gave the slightest inclination of a frown, my heart would surely shatter...etc etc etc" it sounds more poetic and still gets the basic message across
2007-03-17 12:31:07 · answer #1 · answered by candi b 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
For the love of GOD do not send that to him.
Number one, a poem does not have to ryhme, but should have rhythm. Line by line it should go. If you want it to rhyme:
A
B
A
B or
A
A
B
B
If you are searching for ryhme, it should at least make sense. You'll buy hima vest?? Is that something you would do for somene you love? A sunny day is funny? No its not. Owls??
Try one that doesn't rhyme. Use a thesaurus. I will give you some great adjectives. Some alternate ones that may describe your feeling a bit better. Use metaphors, they help the imagery of a poem.
His hair is like......
I love him like a ________loves a ________.
Refer to nature, because nature is beautiful.
I used to write a lot of award winning poems, I wishI wasn't so lazy right now, I'd go find a few for examples for you. Keep trying, don't give up. Mine started out gay like that too.
2007-03-17 12:15:08 · answer #2 · answered by Ashley 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
For me a poem has to have rhythm. It does not unavoidably could rhyme even in spite of the shown fact that it desires to hit my emotions. i think of readability of expression is significant besides. i do no longer prefer to 2d guess what i'm examining approximately. I consistently seek for what I term "poetic gem stones"in the textual content cloth.
2016-10-02 07:21:48 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, don't take this the wrong way, but that was awful. I'm not trying to be rude, but stop trying to make it rhyme!! Let the creative juices flow, stop pushing it out, and let in go it's own way. =D Hun, while it wasn't that good, it wasn't too bad. Keep tryng, but don't try so hard next time.
Have a nice day, dear!
2007-03-17 14:03:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think as an informal poem that you write as a token of love it is very cute and flattering:)
As a piece of art it is not worth much, it is a rhyme with no poetry.
Send it to the boy. He'll remember it forever
2007-03-17 12:11:25 · answer #5 · answered by theinfalliblenena 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, it's horrible.... but... people are saying it doesn't make sense about the buying him a vest thing. It actually make perfect sense.... he's the best, you want to buy him a gift, and well.... that gift happens to be a vest. But yeah... not a good poem lol :-)
2007-03-18 06:08:34 · answer #6 · answered by It's a secret... 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's okay. I mean, it's not so good. It makes no sense when he says I'll buy him a vest. But you're only 15, and this is pretty good for a 15 year old!
2007-03-17 12:58:19 · answer #7 · answered by Lolaaaa! 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
honestly, it wasnt that good, but dont get discouraged. If you barely started writing keep working at it. And if you really want to get serious about it work on building your vocabulary and work on getting some rhythym. Dont focus so much on trying to make it rhyme just let it come to you. i hope it works out!
2007-03-17 17:38:47 · answer #8 · answered by Jake 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As nice as possible, it wasn't very good. It had no point and you just tried to rhyme random words.
Try free verse.
Most poems DO NOT rhyme.
2007-03-17 12:38:18 · answer #9 · answered by ... 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you tried to rhyme too much which took the feeling out of it any one can rhyme it's tthe feeling in the poem which really makes the reader want more not go to sleep tell you the truth you put me to a snooze boring
2007-03-17 13:15:35 · answer #10 · answered by coolcat 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋