I have been dating a wonderful guy for over a year and a half. The last month or so he became distant with me and then stopped talking to me all together. Last night, he sent me a text message that said "I can't give you want you want. I am damaged goods." I asked him why he thought he was damaged goods and he replied, "I grew up without a father. I hate my family. There's a reason I am not married or have any kids." I tried to get him to talk to me but he just ignored me. He was married and has had relationships that never worked out. I know that he thinks I am going to hurt him. I have tried to reassure him that I want him...I would never treat him the way that his past treated him. I care so much about him.....How do I get him to open up to me and let me in without him thinking that I am someone else that just wants to hurt him?
2007-03-17 11:46:35 · 10 answers · asked by kim c 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You're getting played.
2007-03-17 11:49:58 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Abandonment is the problem not the symptom.
I have a great many issues that make me feel like I'm damage goods including, abandonment and low self esteem.
It only took the LOVE a a wonderful woman who nearly walked out in the first two years, and finally the need to deal with these issue that made me work through my self esteem problems!
My case father left at 5, mother beat me regularly mother friend molested me step father the only man who meant anything finally had enough of her and divorced her!
Grandmother said everyday I was useless and I began to believe everyone.
It's going to take a strong will to get him past his issues that hunt him, and you might want to keep your distance if you don't have one !
But if your serious you need to tell him your not going anywhere and that you need him in your life as well as he needs you.
Now heres some exercises that can help both of you,
Tell him to get up everyday at the same time, after at least 7 hour of sleep a night!
Tell him to exercising at least 15 minutes every morning and have nothing but whole grains fruits a oatmeal for breakfast.
No coffee, Tea , make it green at that.
Tell him to say to him he's a good person, he has value and has the love a good woman, every morning while exercising.
You also need to make sure he sees a doctor about DEPRESSION!
These are some of the thing I do and wife helps me with I have almost 5 kids now ( 4 boys) and were trying to adopt her little half sister who will be 6 soon
and we've been raising for almost 6 years now.
Here two nieces and my nephew , and trust me I would not be able to do any of this without help both emotionally and mentally.
He's on a hard road but it can be worked out with the right person ,, The question however is "are you the right person"?
Hope that helps you!
P.S. I've been married now for over 16 years.
2007-03-17 12:14:51 · answer #2 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is truly afraid of being hurt.Nothing you can say will help him.You have to show him.You have to be there for him.No matter how much he pushes you away.Don't give up on him.If he is afraid of being hurt like you say he is.Than more likely than not this crap he is pulling with you is a test.He is pushing you away to see if you will give up and go.He will get worse about it before he will start getting better.He will keeping trying his hardest to see just how hard he can push before you will leave him.I had the same problem he does.Growing up I had no father around to love me.He was to busy living in a vodka bottle.And my mom had mental issues from stress among other things so she would threaten to leave me.And so I developed a distrust for all other human beings.And for the first 2 years of our relationship I tried my hardest to push my hubby away.I broke up with him several times because I was affraid of getting hurt.I even got psycial with him trying to piss him off enough that he would hit me.Because I didn't believe anyone would or could truly love me.And I figured that everyother man I had in my life hit me.So if I pushed him enough he would do it to.So I would have an excuse to push him away and not care about him.It took my poor husband 2 year and a lot of meds for the headaches I would cause him.But he eventually go through to me.And it wasn't because of anything he said to me.I let him in because he had proved to me that he would be there regardless.And if your boyfriend truly has issues with abandoment the only way he is going to believe that you won't leave is for you to stand firm with him and not let him push you away.Good Luck!
2007-03-17 15:20:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
While there's a chance he could be hiding something else, the length of time you were together makes it seem more likely that he is on the level with you. Unfortunately for you, there isn't anything that you can do to convince him until he is ready to be convinced. Words will not do it at all, so continue to be as supportive as he allows you to be. If possible, get him to go to counseling with you, or at least on his own, to talk about why he feels the past is affecting him now.
2007-03-17 12:00:48 · answer #4 · answered by Brian G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
once a guy has been hurt it is rwlly hard to get him to confide in you because he thinks he is nothing and that all women is the same if you let him go then it will prove his point you have to stick in there and hang with him in whatever obstacle he takes you he feels he is nothing b/c that is what he has always got show him you dont want no one else tell him how you feel face to face and get him to open up tell him that you arent going anywhere and that your not giving up on him so quit trying to get you to move on because he is stuck with you good luck
2007-03-17 12:05:01 · answer #5 · answered by shyshy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Refer him to a therapist. He will make your life a living hell if he doesn't seek help. Take the warning signs... This man says he's damaged goods. You better read between the lines and let him get help before you pour your heart into him.
He seems a little crazy to me.....
2007-03-17 12:40:09 · answer #6 · answered by hatlady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you r waiting too & that may help .Tell him it really is love & you just want to hear his voice . Tell him it is real & hope is there hes worth it ! Tell him to stay strong things happen for a reason.. Hope that helps! Gotta go work now...
2007-03-17 13:35:26 · answer #7 · answered by remi m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a mental case. Dump him and move on. Life si too short to spend it with the mentally ill.
2007-03-17 11:52:52 · answer #8 · answered by Pipe Grampa 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Just wait until he's ready. You can't push him or else he will be distant. Just support him and wait.
2007-03-17 11:50:49 · answer #9 · answered by vexen431 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Simply gain his trust, Make sure he can trust you. If he can't trust you, then make sure you let him know you wont let him down. I hope this helps.
2007-03-17 11:57:00 · answer #10 · answered by Rerab 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋