I have split up with my bf nearly a year ago and I still think bout him everyday! I dob't go out anymore, I haven't got any friends ( they kinda drifted away, maybe coz of me being grumpy all da time) I've been to a psychologist, but he literally just made fun of me!asking stupid questions that are not relevant! I also started being realy self conscious! I notice every single bad thing about myself! and after that break up I'm not confident in speaking with boys anymore, I feel like they all hate me! How can I go back to normal life? Coz I feel I haven't got a future...
2007-03-17 11:44:19 · 12 answers · asked by dime_piece 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
I really feel for you, that pain is horrible that your feeling. I'm afraid it does come down to self esteem so you need to do all you can to build that right up. Friends is the most important thing, you need to put yourself back out there socially, have you no work friends? Or school friends? How about any cousins/sister....get out meeting people. I know you probably heard it all before but you need to living life, join a gym and put yourself out to meet people. Don't overlook the psychologist, it may sem the questions are irrelevant but it may all be part of a bigger picture you just haven#t seen yet.
Stick with it, buy some self confidence books and get yourself the knowledge you need to make your life better. We only live once and ultimatly it's you who's in control of how your life will turn out so make it happen for you. Don't waste time obsessing about the minor imperfections.....fix what needs to be fixed and list the other things as unique qualities that make you YOU, take care.x
2007-03-17 11:53:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that. Its hard breaking up with someone. You really have to try and motivate yourself. Get out there and meet new people. Do you have any interests that you could pursue, or try doing something totally different that you've always wanted to do. Its not the end of the world being single. In fact its a great chance to do things just for yourself without having to worry about the other person. Starting from tomorrow have a fresh start. Go get your hair done or go shopping. There are some good books out there on confidence eg Paul Mckenna and lots of self help books that will give you good tips. Don't dwell on this break-up as all negative and now try and focus on the positives about being on your own. Maybe call up a friend who you haven't seen for a while and plan a girls night out. Cheer up, you'll get through it!
2007-03-17 18:55:08 · answer #2 · answered by IzzyB 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I think speaking to the right psychologist can be so amazingly helpful! The one that you are seeing does not sound like she is right for you. I would start by seeing another psychologist. I have been in counseling through most of my teen years and into my early 20's and I think that it has helped to make me into a really strong person.
Next, I would get involved in some sort of program like a community theater group, or an art class at a local community college...I don't know your age but these places have classes regardless of whether you are of college age. I would not fret about losing your friends. Once I went to college, I made an entirely different set of friends and the same when I went to grad school. You will also make new friends at jobs. It just sounds like you need a change of scenery. What is it that you want to do? I would start by concentating on building myself up by either joining a school club or 2, if u are of school age, or a community group of some sort. Maybe join a book club where you all get together and talk. Your local library should help in directing you to find these things...or look it up online. Also, Myspace is great for reconnecting with old friends that you may want to reconnect with. As for dating, you may want to try match.com, so that you can chat with the guys for a while before making a decision to go on a date. SO MANY of my friends have had successful relationships through these things.
So I guess my overall point is, connect with a good solid psychologist so that u can continue to work out your feelings and in the meantime get your self out there to meet new people, maybe doing it through the net will ease your self esteem issues because it is not in person right away. Most importantly, focus on your goals as far as future careers, personal health like working out, and getting out and joinging groups or clubs...the rest will fall into place when u least expect it to.
Hang in there...there will be a light at the end of the tunnel...there always is.
2007-03-17 19:07:50 · answer #3 · answered by Lissa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you weren't ready for psychological input at that time. See your doctor about referral for cognitive therapy to look at your life and how you can deal with your low self-esteem. You've said yourself that you notice every bad thing about yourself, what about your good points? Have you been disregarding them?
Give yourself positive experiences and think about the enjoyment or challenge they give you, however little it may seem at the time. Find something new to do (courses, voluntary work, any social groups) and show interest in the people you'll meet. Things will improve for you, but it's obviously not going to just happen on its own after all this time. You need to set things in motion.
If you feel you can't set anything in motion then see your doctor anyway as you may need help with your mood and motivation.
All the best.
2007-03-17 19:09:10 · answer #4 · answered by filmwatcher59 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To normalize your situation you must get grounded(literally).
You must learn to calm down and breath deeply.
In-spite of the fact that, you've loved and lost. Life goes on.
You must be grateful for the life that you have. Look around you, there are people in dire straits. Think of how blessed you are. Each day you have an opportunity to accomplish something significant.
Honestly, you are in the healing phase and this is probably your most difficult time. Be grateful for that fact. Everyday you can be grateful for this learning process--each day you can find something to be grateful for.
Begin to help others in some way. Start studying a martial art or volunteer in your community. Get outdoors and enjoy the beauty of Spring---go and fly a kite at your local park.
Give more of your time to others and people will be drawn to you. Do not become a victim of self-imposed limitations.
Lastly, let your deepest and most profound love be self-love.
2007-03-17 19:19:36 · answer #5 · answered by FunkyMcNasty 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you feel like you havent got a future, then you havent
You have got to pick yourself up off the ground!! and get back up there
it is VERY easy to me to say this but thats what you have to do!!
Relationships do break up! but dont let it knock ya down, its normal to take time out!
2007-03-17 18:53:07 · answer #6 · answered by Jemmax 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a horrible psychologist!! Go to another one because it sounds like you could be drifting towards depression or something like that. Find a good one that you like and respects you and takes you seriously.
2007-03-17 18:57:03 · answer #7 · answered by bashleyf2000 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
try to go to the site "lonelyou.com"
and think POSITIVE!!!!!!! smile all the time..thank the Lord that your still alive...tell yourself that your happy and strong!!!!!!! smile and the whole world smiles at you! live your life to the fullest as if everydays the last. if u could, it would be much way better if you go volunteer
2007-03-17 20:03:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go to the mirror an say " I love myself more than this". Get a grip and live.Time is running out.
2007-03-17 18:51:50 · answer #9 · answered by solstice 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
if it makes you feel any better, i still think about my ex everyday, and its been at least 18 months. however, i also think about other things, and try to keep on going with my life, and gradually, i think about her less and less
2007-03-17 19:26:58 · answer #10 · answered by andrew b 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋