My husband works a lot to support our family, but I get so mad, why?

Question

So I am a full-time stay at home Mom and I am so greatfull that my husband makes enough for me to be home with the kids, but sometimes it makes me so mad that he works too much. He works on straight comission so ya he has to work hard, but money is not everything to me. We have more then enough to live comfertably right now, am I being selfish to want him home more? Sometimes I feel like a single Mom. Am I too tough on my husband? He is a wonderfull Dad and husband when he is home, I just miss him being home. Hope this makes sence to someone! Thanks

Answer 1

Let him know that you miss him and wish he could spend a little more time at home. He is trying to provide a good life for his family, you need to remember that. Communication is key.

Answer 2

I have been in your shoes before. But, I think from his standpoint, he is concerned with keeping the bills paid. You sound like you love each other. apparrently, you miss him, or his help around the house. He is working hard to keep a roof over you and the kids head. It's not easy out here. Although, I understand your position too. I would say try to be a little more understanding. Not a lot of women can afford to be home with the kids these days. Tell your husband how you feel. Let him know that you appreciate his hard work. But, let him know that you love him and miss him during the day. My advice would be to take advantage of the time you two have, when you are together. Maybe you and the kids could pack lunch and stop by the job sometimes during the day. Hope my input helps. I sure have been there.

Answer 3

Makes perfect sense. Together, you decided that he would work and you would not work outside the house. You are now having second thoughts as the consequences of that decision appear.
Let me help you with this. He feels the same way.
If he works enough so that you can stay at home with the kids, he gets the "you're never home" response. If he works less so that he is more available, he gets the "it sure would be nice to have the money to do X".
When you and he can talk without the kids interrupting, you need to review together what the choices are, what the options are and what the priorities are. Then write them down and think about them for a while. What is gained and what is sacrificed.
You are not selfish, but you are about to send him mixed messages that contradict each other. That's not productive. Everything that you have written comes from a feeling. Grateful, mad, more than enough, feel like a single mom, miss him.

When you sit down together, it all has to be in numbers.
How much time is he available now (in minutes per day) - how much COULD be available and how many dollars per day would that cost?
How much money (dollars per month) are you living on right now - how little money (dollars per month) could you live on?
How much savings do you need and how much do you have?

When you operate strictly from feelings, it's hard to know whether they are justified. But if he was making $30,000 per month but was never home, you might ask whether you could live on $10,000 per month and he would be home 25 days per month. Talk in specifics, not just "too much".

Answer 4

Hi!

Well, may I ask you to forgive my grammar. I am only 21 and very open on everything... I hope you understand...

I believe the reason why you get so mad with your husband is the fact that he is never home and even when he is home, he is never home (if you know what i mean). My girlfriend left me because she also had the same mentality, she said I did not spent enough time with her (always studying and working).

I understand that couples need to spend sometime (a lot of time) together to catch up, make love and basically just be together (cuddle and all...) With me I never bealived that a person can ever have enought money (unless you are Richard Branson or Bill Gates etc) and I guess that is what makes me work hard and not smart.

I tried to change but it was never easy and now I am proud to say that I work hard and not smart... in your case I would suggest you get your husband to work smart and not hard. He has a wife and kids (he has a family) and a family is no family if there is no head of the household... If you managed to put this on the Internet and structured it in such a manner you should not struggle to break it down to him. If he is like and he cannot work smart but hard, get him to follow a time table (or work routine) and usually get hime to spend most weekends at home as everyone is there...

Go out on dates (family dates) and picnics. Play and spent a lot of time as a family and remember he has to work to provide for the family so there has to be a time for love making (Keep in mind he has to rest).

Make sure when he is spending time with the family its family only and no business... So business mobile phone should be switched off and no accessing the Internent for mails because he will over work himself. I lost my girlfriend because of such ignorance and I don't want the same for anyone else... I am still young and I can cope(no family) so I don't relly care that much about how I work and manage my time.

Hopefully one day when I have my own family I will get to follow all these steps and be a good father with a good family.

Moral: Talk to you husband and take control, he will not stop on his own. It is hard but definetely worth it...

Good luck!!

Answer 5

First off, I want to start by saying these feelings are totally normal, and assure you that you aren't the only one out there who sometimes feels this way. It's difficult to "complain" when you have a husband who works so hard to provide for you, and I can imagine you feel guilty at times for even having those thoughts.
However, your relationship with your husband is far too important for you to overlook these feelings, sooner or later you may begin to develop bitterness or resentment towards him and that is the last thing a marriage needs in it. If you want to maintain a healthy marriage, be honest with your husband. Thank him for the sacrifices he makes for you and the kids, and tell him how grateful you are. Then gently make him aware that you miss spending time with him. Suggest a weekly family night to make the children feel secure and special. And consider planning a regular date night, even if it's only once a month or so. Patience and honesty are whats most important here. If you explain your feelings gently I am more than confident your husband will understand where you are coming from. Good luck to you!

Answer 6

I have a similar situation with my boyfriend. He has two children that I am home with most weeknights and FT on weekends while he works. He works two jobs and I work FT M-F. It is a tough schedule and sometimes the kids have a hard time understanding why daddy cannot be home with them more. He knows I don't like him working the second job, but we sat down and talked about it and agreed that we both would schedule family time together (and adult alone time) at least once a week - meaning....just keeping an open schedule from work at least once a week to just spend time together - and do whatever we feel like doing. It has worked out really well and now I don't feel like I am doing it alone all the time.
Good luck! Communication and being able to come to a mutual - and fair conclusion is really important. :)

Answer 7

I too am the wife of a very hard working husband. It is not selfish of you to feel this way, but you also have to think about his feelings. A man is naturally concerned about providing for his family and you have to come to terms with that. You should try to make the best of the times that you are together. Don't get me wrong - I know what you feel because I feel that everyday, but I guarantee that if you realize that he is just trying to ensure that you can continue to live comfortably, you will feel a lot better. I would also suggest that you try taking up a hobby or taking some online courses.

Answer 8

It makes all the sense in the world. Hopefully your hubby isn't having an affair, but that's usually just in the movies. So even if he is working hard for extra money, it would be nice if he could see that he needs to live in the here and now. Too many people look so forward to the future, for some special event, that that is all that defines them. I'm sort of that way about getting a new sportscar, but not totally. That's just an example, though. We just need to stop and smell the roses, so to speak, before they fade away.

Answer 9

My wife is a stay at home Mom too and I work about 10 hours a day 6-7 days a week. It is tough on both sides. I am only partially involved with the upbringing of my kids and feel left out often.

It is a tough situation to keep balanced. Needing money and trying to succeed in your job is pretty important, especially if yours is the only job. Let him know how you feel, my wife sure does, but she is pretty cool about it. She is sure to shut off the whine button when she addresses me.

Good luck

Answer 10

Sure it makes sense. It's like you live in two separate worlds. Instead of getting mad, find a time to have a conversation with him where you can point out that there is enough money for him to lighten his workload, in order to allow more time with you and the family. Also, help him to realize that as a parent, you only get one shot to actually "see" your kids grow up, but that you have to actually "be" there to see it. Just do it in a loving, caring way, and tell him you need HIM every now and then. Good Luck.

Answer 11

I don't think you're being too tough on him. It seems that in your head, you definitely understand the situation. But you want to see him more. That's completely normal. You're not being too tough on him, but you may not be able to get what you want...I'm sure he would like to be home more often too, but the reality is, that he needs to work. Let him know how much you miss him, and how much you appreciate his hard work. Really make the most out of the time he does have at home. (I'm in the same situation)