When I was 16, my boyfriend, who was 18, moved to California for college. The distance was too much, so we decided to break it off. I was hurt after we broke up, but within a few weeks I was back to normal. A few months later, during the summer, I was sleeping in, like all good teenagers do, and the phone kept ringing. I shouted "Mom, turn the phone off!!!". When I got up out of bed, I saw that his mom's cell number was on our caller id. I wandered into my moms room and asked her what was going on. She said that he had been in an accident and was brain dead. On Father's Day, his family pulled the plug on him. I remember I couldn't even go into the funeral home. It was too much. I came home that day and cried so hard my mom had to give me a pill to calm me down. I had a glass of red kool-aid and I picked it up and it fell through my hands onto my beige carpet in my room. It stained. But now everytime I see the stain, it reminds me of him, and how life's not always fair. What about you?
2007-03-17 11:22:17 · 11 answers · asked by collegeboundblonde1287 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
okay let me add that this happened 3 years ago. I'm 19 now and I have a loving boyfriend. But I was just wondering how many other people have experienced a loss similar to something I did.
2007-03-17 12:19:34 · update #1
Yes I can relate to this. After 14 years of single motherhood I had found the man with whom I knew I would live for the rest of my natural life. It would have been another life spent with him, all of them content and full. We exchanged our vows in Canada and then he returned to his home to do immigration etc from his end. We had a month together married.
We were organizing our life when one night I got a call from his sister with whom I was also very close. He had been injured in a car accident when a drunk in a lory ran a light. It did not look good. this was December 31, 1999. Nice way to begin the century. Two days later he was gone. I still wear his jewellery and the plain wedding bank he slipped on me.
It took me a long time to find equilibrium with his loss. We had barely begun what had felt was right the moment we met. What held me together was knowing that we would meet again some time in another time. That was a certainty. But i was empty. Because I had married into a clan, a few months later I was introduced to a recent widower with the hope that we could heal each other in our loss and grow close.
Well we did. At this time I was ailing from a wasting disease that doctors could not figure out. My gentleman told me what I had and helped me through the rough months that followed as the doctors let me starve almost to death. He was there for me and his analysis was right. It was at this time that I realized we were truly in love and we discussed marriage once I was recuperated. Again, cloud nine for us both. When I was healed I would move to him.
We spoke a few times after I was out of the hospital and beginning to recuperate. Something was bothering him and he would not confide in me. Then, a few days after a long long call, his oldest son with whom I am still close was calling to tell me of his father's sudden death. He had lost the battle with bi polar and taken his life.
That is when I was on the floor ... for weeks. I was ready to to join him, almost walked off the pier at the foot of my street but, I would think of how devastated his family was. I could not do that to my own daughters. It took a few years to pull out of that depression. Two in under 12 months.
I would rage at him for his selfishness then realize, he was the most unselfish of men. How deep his pain to do such a thing. I knew he was out of that. We spoke in my dreams a few times and he apologized for the pain he had caused me. I do not hear him any more, but I remember our shared dreams as if they were yesterday. It took me almost two years to get past the year 2000.
As for the first one. Just a few months ago I had several mornings where I woke up feeling as if we had been together. Then they stopped.
No life sucks. That is what they call lessons. All we can do is learn from them and move on.
2007-03-17 11:35:26 · answer #1 · answered by Noor al Haqiqa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Loss is painful.
The emotional investment and the demise of something that, ones feels is wonderful---is devastating. I lost a child 14 years ago and I feel that loss daily.
Just a few years ago, I lost my Mom after She was abused in a Nursing home.
The fairness of life--that is debatable.
Just assume an attitude of gratitude--be grateful for the fact that, for the time you two were together you shared life and love.
Be grateful for the wonderful image of him that you hold. When you see that stain, see him laughing about your clumsiness.
And, live your daily life with purpose.
Pursue a dream.
Be grateful for the fact that, you can forgive yourself for harshly judging yourself because things didn't turn out just the way you were attached to them turning out.
You live in a loving universe and all the forces are here to assist you in achieving your purpose.
2007-03-17 12:04:29 · answer #2 · answered by FunkyMcNasty 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I felt like that when I finally understood what it meant that my mom was dead. She died when I was 1 so obviously I didn't understand, but when I got older I understood better and I felt the way you described a lot when I was a teenager. I still do sometimes. Even though I don't remember her it still hurts enough to make me sob sometimes.
2007-03-17 12:00:35 · answer #3 · answered by bashleyf2000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry about your loss. I have never actually fell to my knees when i found out about bad news...but i have cried like hell, and almost been in like...shock. A close friend commited suicide and it just ruined me. Life is definitely not always fair, but hey...that's life :]
2007-03-17 11:51:19 · answer #4 · answered by Seduce A Stranger :] 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes I have had my world shaken but not by a boy friend but by my closest friends sudden death, and I had somewhat of a meltdown and it took some time for me to recover from the loss. All I can say is you and only you can help your heart, but I would advise counseling.
2007-03-17 11:26:44 · answer #5 · answered by katie d 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ooooh! That IS a true tear-jerking report. :,-(
I did have a SERIOUS G.F. with whom we shared a "commitment" for 28 years.
"Autie" was wheelchair-bound as she had one of the Muscular Dystrophy conditions and she had no kidneys. Through her repeated Dialysis treatments, we lost her (on this very date March 17, 2003.)
I am still in great remorse for losing Autie.
Of *the values* she taught me, FOCUS ON SEEING THE "WHAT NOW" of each situation and do not relent on the WHAT IF.
I still "talk" to her as this calms me through my daily work.
I bet that you still "hear" your B.F. talking with you........ simply listen and let his wisdom settle your heart.
What I also do to *remind* me of Autie is play a few of our shared songs (styles.)
I sing (karaoke) to WHO YOU'D BE TODAY by Kenny Chesney like I truely mean it.
2007-03-17 11:49:08 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I cried like that recently myself.Won't share the details but, my whole body went cold and I fell to my knees and wept and sobbed.
2007-03-17 11:25:37 · answer #7 · answered by huckypeep2 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes I have experienced this. Do not feel bad. You are not alone. Lean on the people who love you.
2007-03-17 11:29:58 · answer #8 · answered by teena9 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes - the loss of my mother
2016-03-29 03:28:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes..death of a loved one,,,,but hey, you gotta move on.
Grieve, then MOVE ON
2007-03-17 11:33:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋