A loved one passes away. Dealing?

Question

We've all may have had people close to us die or pass away. Who close to you passed away, how bad did it hurt, and how have you come to accept it and grieve?

Answer 1

I lost my sister 4 years ago, she was 10. I don't think I have accepted it, and probably never will. I just deal with it as best I can. I try to remember all the smiles and laughs. But she was ill, so I feel better that she doesn't have to struggle anymore.

Answer 2

My cousin died quite a few years ago. The last time I saw him was at my wedding. The last thing I said to him was you'll be next. he said no I don't think so. He died shortly after that. The pain of losing him is still there because we were very close. I cried for quite a long time. I was also a few days short of having my first child when he died. I know he would not want me to live my life grieving and to live on and make a good life for myself. I will never forget him. The very odd thing is now the many years later I have a son now who looks an awful lot like him. feels almost like a sign that things are okay. He has his cheeks and smile. I will never forget him and have told my children the many things that we did together and informed them about his tragic death and how hopefully his error will not be theirs.

Answer 3

In some forms of Judaism the family must grieve for 3 days, then after a week they're forced to get over it and continue life as per normal, which should prevent them getting into depression. But they pray for the person for 11 months. In some Hindu parts of India, the family must have a celebration a they parade the person down to be cremated. The idea is you have to send the soul of joyfully so that it's happy. A depressing funeral will only hurt that soul. A guy who was studying Buddhism in Thailand told an interesting story where a woman ran into the temple frantically screaming "Mei just killed herself! Mei just killed herself!" (Mae had cancer and shot herself because of the pain). The monk just sat there and kept eating silently, while the woman kept screaming "she's dead! she's dead!" Within 2 minutes the woman had completely calmed down and was so perplexed at this monk having no reaction to the death of this woman. By saying and doing nothing, the woman became completely calm and actually contemplated the situation, realising the uselessness of panicking at something that's irreversible and morning what is inevitable. He also said that this part of Thailand had never had any outside influence, so he never saw mourning at funerals which is common in other cultures because uncontrollable grief wasn't a concept these people knew about. They simply accepted death as normal. I'd hope to have this Thai-Buddhist attitude if one of my family died, especially if my parents died because there's nothing that hurts someone more than to see their child die, so if they died before me then they've avoided one of the most painful things a person can ever experience.

Answer 4

My best friend died recently from suicide. It hurt more than anything in the world and I have felt very guilty that I couldn't do anything to stop it. I spent a lot of time dealing with guilt and anger and sadness over it, but eventually I just had to say to myself, "She was in pain and now her pain is gone." I still carry the sadness of it with me everyday. I know that it will always hurt inside, but I also know it will get easier with time. I feel better when I remember the great times we shared together and I try to keep photos of her around so that I never forget her and niether does anyone else. It makes me happy to see her photos and remember how close we were and how beautiful she was. That has helped me grieve, but at first I couldn't even look at her photos. It was too painful.

Answer 5

My Dad died several years ago. Iwas in the USA & He was dying in the UK (both me & my Dad were American My Mom was British) When I got the call about his death, my brother wanted me to fly out immediately for the funeral I said No, because I was in shock I never cried but as time passed I'd remember things he'd said or done & tears would come to my eyes as they are now

Answer 6

Hey there i can definately understand how this feels!!When i was 8 mos pregnant with my first child I lost both of my parents one month between eachother!This has been very difficult to handle because of my son -knowing that he will never meet them or get the chance to share all of our experiences of raising a child really takes it's toll.Honestly there is nothing we as people can do to prepare ourselves for death or even get over the pain of it.The pain doesn't ever go away completely it just takes time for it to ease-as for trying to deal with the loss of loved ones we cannot.-Why?Because if we could deal with it and accept it we would have them here with us today!So no i have not really found any solution for dealing with my loss i just live with it.When i need to get through the sad days i think of my parents and what they would really want for me and my life with a child.They would want me to live it and give everything i can to make my son's life wonderful.We have a choice to not deal with it but live on with it-let it make us stronger instead of giving up and living in misery.Like i said the pain was absolutelt horrible but I chose to realize that they are together and always with me and my son-if i gave up I would be giving up on my babe and this is really what has helped me to pull through this because at least i was given something so precius bfore they passed and i believe he was my hope and will to live with my unexpected passings of my parents-he is what helped me to understand that life is not fair and we don't always get to change it-we just get to decide what we are going to make out of it.I hope if you have lost someone you choose to stay strong-and i am very sorry for your loss -i comletely understand.

Answer 7

Well, I had lost someone one before. But I had to accept it anyways because I can't turn back time and save that person. We can't do anything about it. Hope that helps =) Kev

Answer 8

VERY GOOD QUESTION, MY FATHER WHO WAS MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD DIED APRIL 11TH 2005 FROM A HORRIBLE AND RARE DISEASE. THIS MAN WAS SO HEALTHY, HEALTHIER THEN ME WE SAW EACH OTHER EVERY SINGLE DAY! .... WELL HE DIED FROM MAD COW DISEASE. EVERYTHING HAPPENED SO FAST. ONE DAY HE WAS DOING PLUMBING ( HE WORKED 6 DAYS A WEEK) THEN HE WENT TO HAVE A MINOR OPERATION WHICH WAS SAME DAY SURGERY. AFTER WARDS, EVERYTHING CHANGED. IN LESS THEN 1 YR THE DR.'S WERE FINALLY ABLE TO DIAGNOSE HIM WITH MAD COW DISEASE. THE REAL NAME OF THE DISEASE IS CALLED CREUTZFELDT- JAKOB DISEASE. IT IS THE HUMAN FORM OF MAD COW. WE WILL NEVER KNOW IF HE CAUGHT IT FROM A CONTAMINATED SURGICAL TOOL, (WHICH IS VERY POSSIBLE) OR IT WAS DORMANT IN HIS BODY. WHO KNOWS, THE FACT IS HE WAS TAKEN AWAY FROM US IN A VERY HORRIBLE AND SAD WAY. I WAS VERY BLESSED THE DAY HE DIED, I CLIMBED INTO HIS BED IN THE NURSING HOME, AND CRADLED HIM IN MY ARMS AND SAID EVERYTHING YOU WOULD POSSIBLY WANT TO SAY TO SOMEONE YOU LOVE SO SO MUCH! HE TOOK 3 DEEP BREATHS, AND THAT WAS IT. I WAS SO PROUD TO HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SPEND THE LAST FEW MINUTES WITH HIM, AND TO TELL HIM EVERYTHING I WANTED TO SAY. I KNOW IN MY HEART HE HEARD ME. HOW BAD DID IT HURT? WELL, I BEGGED GOD TO TAKE ME INSTEAD...... I KNOW IT WAS WRONG BUT I KNEW HE HAD SO MUCH LIFE LEFT INSIDE OF HIM. OUR FAMILY HAD SO MANY PLANS, BUT I KNOW NOW IT WAS HIS TIME.. IT'S NOT OUR CHOICE. MY PAIN WAS HELL. I WAS IN SHOCK. I COULDN'T FUNCTION, BREATH, OR EVEN GET OUT OF BED. I WANTED TO DIE. I HAD TO SEE A DR. AND GO ON MEDICATION FOR OVER 1 YR. I FOUND THE CJD FOUNDATION AND WAS ABLE TO CALL EVERYDAY FOR MORAL SUPPORT. YOU NEVER GET OVER LOSING SOMEONE YOU LOVE, BUT YOU BEGIN TO REALIZE YOU CAN'T CHANGE WHAT HAPPENED, AND YOU JUST FIND THE STRENGTH TO CONTINUE TO LIVE. I LIVE LIFE THE WAY DAD WOULD HAVE WANTED ME TO. I HAVE 3 GREAT SONS, AND 4 GRAND KIDS. I'M 48 YRS OLD AND I SEE LIFE SO MUCH CLEARER NOW. EACH DAY IS VERY PRECIOUS. WE NEVER KNOW WHAT TOMORROW WILL BRING.. IN MY HEART I WILL ALWAYS GRIEVE, BUT MY FAMILY NEEDS ME, AND IF I DIDN'T START EXCEPTING HIS DEATH, I WOULD HAVE DIED BY NOW. MY KIDS AND GRAND KIDS KEEP ME GOING. JUST 13 DAYS AGO MY 4TH GRANDSON WAS BORN.. MY SON AND I SAW MY DAD'S FACE IN HIS NEW BABY'S SON'S FACE. IT WAS AMAZING.. THIS IS THE SITE WHERE YOU CAN LEARN ABOUT THIS DISEASE. NOT TO MANY PEOPLE KNOW THAT IT EVEN EXISTS, BUT TRUST ME IT'S OUT THERE! http://www.cjdfoundation.org/ READ THEIR GUEST BOOK. THERE IS ALOT OF INFORMATION AT THEIR SITE. IT'S SOMETHING YOU WOULD NEVER THINK IN A MILLION YEARS COULD HAPPEN IN YOUR LIFE. BEING INVOLVED WITH OUR FOUNDATION www.guardianbrain.com HAS HELPED ME VERY MUCH. MY SISTER IS THE PRESIDENT. SHE STARTED IT WHEN WE LOST OUR BROTHER FROM BRAIN CANCER IN 1999. IF YOU GO TO TRIBUTES YOU CAN READ ABOUT MY DAD SALVATORE, AND MY BROTHER DENNIS. SO HERE IN FLORIDA, I AM TRYING TO HELP MAKE AWARENESS AND PUT MY ENERGY INTO HELPING OTHERS. THIS HAS MADE ME A STRONGER PERSON TODAY.. MY FATHER WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART EACH AND EVERYDAY.. AND I WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER THE FUN, LAUGHS, AND GOOD MEMORIES WE SHARED. I AM THE PERSON I AM TODAY, BECAUSE OF MY DAD AND WHAT HE HAS TAUGHT ME. GOD BLESS YOU KATHY BRUNELLE