I am 30, no kids. My husband and I are like night and day. It is not working. I am scared to take it to the next level, even thought I know this is what I should do. I have known that it would not work since we got married and stayed just out of laziness, taking the easy situation..
help.
2007-03-17 10:47:08 · 27 answers · asked by yannm 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get a Job, and Move on..Life is too short to be unhappy.
2007-03-17 10:58:11 · answer #1 · answered by donna_honeycutt47 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes being opposite can balance each other out. Marriage is a serious comittment and as long as there is no physical or mental abuse it can be worth the effort to try to work it out. Is your husband open to marriage counselling, that would be a great 1st step. Also you might want to evaluate your attitude, have you really given the marriage a fair chance, it definately isn't a walk in the park, it takes a lot of effort on both sides. Try reading the books on love languages and check your bookstore for some other books on building up marriages.
Don't give up until you've given it everything you've got, you'd be amazed at the transformation that can happen when you put the effort in, just remeber you can't change him only yourself but he will respond to those changes.
Wish you the best!
2007-03-17 18:05:43 · answer #2 · answered by justpeachytoday 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a question you need to be discussing with your husband. If it's not working you need to ask yourself why, and also communicate it to him. Is he even aware of how you are feeling? Or is he completely clueless because you have avoided the conversation? I wish you the best, I don't know how long you've been married, perhaps you married at a young age and now you are starting to see things in yourself and him that are not compatible. Is he feeling the same way as you? Or is it just you? Relationships are complex and marriage is about committment, communication, and compromise. It takes more than love to make things work, so are you giving up on the relationship because you no longer love him?
2007-03-17 18:06:03 · answer #3 · answered by Kaylin 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't divorce, you should get counseling. At 30 people need to think about children because if you wait it would be to late and if you have a child by 40 you would still be trying to raise the child when your 50, so no I think you should stay with him. Divorce isn't an easy thing to do, you didn't break up when you were dating because of laziness, so why divorce when your married it's a bigger deal don't do it!
2007-03-17 17:52:57 · answer #4 · answered by mj58 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is a pretty big deal. I always say dont give up on marriage because I think that theres nothing that cant be fixed. If you absolutely cant stand him and you dont love him anymore and you dont want to make it work than maybe its time to move on.
But marriage is worth the fight, so maybe it would be a good idea to see a marriage counselor. If he refuses than obviously he doesnt care about the marriage and its time for you to get out and find someone that will make it work.
Happiness is what everyone deserves, but maybe you could still have a happy marriage.
Good luck!
2007-03-17 17:56:03 · answer #5 · answered by princessamber_89 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There was an American tv comedy called "Frasier", in which he and his brother Niles are both psychiatrists.
In one episode Frasier doesn't know which women he should continue dating, and he is going crazy trying to figure it out from every angle. Niles decides to cut through all the confusion with a brilliant ploy. Frasier is desperate to have someone tell him the right woman to choose, and so he accepts Niles' stern condition to follow his brother's advice, no matter what. Frasier figure he has nothing to lose, since he can't make up his mind.
Niles takes out a coin and flips it in the air, saying that, if it lands heads side up, Frasier will choose Janice, and choose the other woman if it lands on tails.
Frasier is distraught. He can't believe his brother wants to make an important decision like this. The coin lands on Niles palm, and he covers it with his other hand. When Frasier desperately asks Niles which side the coin landed, Niles just responds, "Which side were you hoping it was going to be?"
So, there is your answer. If you flipped a coin and heads side up meant you would leave, would you secretly be hoping for that outcome?
For all it's worth, staying in a loveless marriage is a waste of ones life.
2007-03-17 18:52:43 · answer #6 · answered by pachl@sbcglobal.net 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
decide if you like him or not. focus on the posative and if there is really substance there, then you should stay together and stay true to your commitment. if you are having doubts...then maybe it you mind set that needs re-adjusting. if you go into another realationship and continue to doubt you will be in the same boat. It is only us who can change our situations. and if you can change it for the next guy you can change it for this one. Marriage isn't something you just get rid of when ever you want. even though that what the world is doing all the time.
Challenge yourself to better your situation with the commitment you already made. your life will be blessed!
2007-03-17 17:55:53 · answer #7 · answered by goodtalkin' 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You made a decision by indecision when you married him and if you don't do anything now it will be the same. Stick around long enough and you may end up having children. Than you won't be able to leave because of them. You may wake up years later and find out that all of this indecision has wasted so many years of your life being unhappy.
If your marriage can not absolutely be saved than get out, don't waste another moment of your precious life.
I know what I'm talking about.
2007-03-17 17:53:53 · answer #8 · answered by cream city chick 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
According to statistics you'll marry the same type person again. Why go to all that trouble - just stay there and put a little zest in your marriage. You have not said one word about him being a bad guy.
2007-03-17 17:52:53 · answer #9 · answered by solotrovo 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, you both deserve to be happy.....and if you can't be happy with each other, you should go your separate ways.
I was in a blah marriage for 24 years, THINKING I was happy, but really only accepting the status quo. My ex found someone else and wanted out, and only AFTER the divorce did I realize that I wasn't happy. I was outgoing, liked to go out & have fun, try restaurants & new recipes....he wanted to sit in his recliner & watch TV 5 hours every night.
If you are that different from each other, you may as well call it quits.
I am now married to a man with tastes & interests just like my own, and we are very VERY happy....and you deserve the same!
2007-03-17 17:54:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Go to a mediator b/f it gets messy. I dragged my feet and the day before my appoint. we were evacuated from apt on 9/11 (we lived in lower manhattan). 6 days later I got pg and it was a mess b/c we still didn't get along and eventually divorced but it was messy b/c we had a child at that time.
2007-03-17 17:52:09 · answer #11 · answered by bundle 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋